Feb.24.2009 Teens listening to sexually suggestive lyrics more likely to bone
A big blow was dealt today to lovers of big butts who find themselves incapable of lying: Turns out your teens listening to songs with sexual references are more likely to do the freaky nasty with likeminded teens.
Teens who prefer popular songs with degrading sexual references are more likely to engage in intercourse or in pre-coital activities, U.S. researchers say.
Dr. Brian A. Primack of the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine says the study demonstrates that, among this sample of young adolescents, high exposure to lyrics describing degrading sex in popular music was independently associated with higher levels of sexual behavior. In fact, exposure to lyrics describing degrading sex was one of the strongest associations with sexual activity.
Surveys were completed by 711 ninth-grade students at three large U.S. urban high schools. The participants were exposed to more than 14 hours each week of lyrics describing degrading sex. About one-third said they had previously been sexually active.
The study, scheduled to be published in the April issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, says those with the most exposure to the lyrics describing degrading sex were more than twice as likely to have had sexual intercourse, compared to those with the least exposure.
Wait so this is kind of vague. What constitutes “degrading sex”? Like, sex with fat chicks? Because I find that degrading. But if I hear lyrics about ejaculating on a woman’s face and then dancing around her, I wouldn’t find that degrading. That’s usually my mating call. Actually, that’s not true, I function more like Mig from Silence of the Lambs and throw handfuls of jizm across the room at supple young ladies. It hasn’t yielded any dividends yet but when it pays off, man, that girl is going to be a real trooper.
Anyway if you have a teenager, just tie them up and force them to listen to songs solely about holding hands and clothed grinding. Clothed grinding: Orgasm’s bronze medal.
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Feb.23.2009 Mickey Rourke won an award
Mickey Rourke didn’t win an Oscar for his performance in The Wrestler but he did win an Independent Spirit award so..hey, that’s something. And the speech was pretty damn entertaining and would have been a nice break in another extremely dull Oscars broadcast.
No it’s great that Sean Penn won. Really, we need more movies about a gay guy doing shit because there really aren’t enough of those. According to Hollywood, is there ever a gay guy who just like lays around and watches Jerry Springer? Because I’m pretty sure it’s not possible that every gay guy saves the world (in purely non-physical ways of course because according to movies gay guys rarely like lifting heavy objects).
Anyway Mickey Rourke got the shaft. He gave a transcendent soul-baring performance that briefly made you forget he’s a total fucking maniac and Sean Penn did an impression of a guy who loved being glazed like a donut. What a joke.
Feb.13.2009 To celebrate Friday the 13th, here’s Jason punching a black guy’s head off
Friday the 13th only comes along so often because calendars are stingy like that (actually apparently we have three Friday the 13ths this year…thanks for that, Calendar Gods). So to celebrate this special day, here’s a dead white guy in a hockey mask punching a black guy’s head off. It’s a mystery how I didn’t win an NAACP award last night.
In the annals of great ideas, getting into a fist fight with a mutant who survived lightning strikes, machete chops, drownings, and who knows what the fuck else is probably as good of an idea as taking a trip to Haiti and saying that the only protection you need is your umbrella.
For the record I will be going to see the Friday the 13th remake in some theatre tonight. I’ll be the one disdainfully looking at the people of certain ethnicities going “OH SNAP WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU GIRL JASON GON GIT YOU” but not courageous enough to say anything. So basically I’m every white person in every movie theatre ever.
Feb.03.2009 Christian Bale is yelly
Do you know how difficult it is to play John Connor in the new Terminator: Salvation movie? You think freaking out about killer robots is EASY? Well here’s a dose of reality from Christian Bale since the audio of his shouting at a crew member has been leaked.
I could get Christian Bale’s frustration and all, but let’s not act like he’s doing high fucking art here. The guy had some incompetent crew member walk onto the set of his big scary movie with robots, it’s not like he was doing a subtle acting job like Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront.
You know how much concentration and focus it takes to recite dialogue in a Terminator movie? “Holy shit, big fucking robots.” “Let’s stay calm so the big fucking robots don’t do big fucking robot shit to us.” “Holy shit watch out for that big fucking robot!” A child with ADHD who snorted lines of pure sugar and was shot up with crystal meth before that could probably get those lines out without being distracted. Though you’d probably have to question how the children’s work advocate would allow that to happen on set. Poor form on his part.
Bonus: Courtesy of the heroes at FilmDrunk, some DJ named Revolucian did a remix of the audio here which is hilarious and a must-watch. Check it out below:
Jan.27.2009 Retarded people are excellent reporters
I’m fortunate enough to receive emails trying to get me to write about literally everything that MTV does and this one may be the finest one of all. How’s Your News is a group of special people (special in the drooling short bus sense, not just awesome) who’ve been doing Web shorts for a while. And now MTV is giving them a show filled with interviews like this one with Senator John McCain while he was on the Presidential trail.
With probing questions like that, I could see how John McCain was temporarily flustered. Unfortunately, since he didn’t quite understand the reporter’s question, he may have agreed that he was planning on committing thousands of infants to juvenile prisons or raping kitty cats. Which probably didn’t totally help his chances with the election.
“The show fits the MTV brand because it really feels like it belongs on our network, because you can’t imagine it anywhere else. It has a rebelliousness in terms of attitude, it feels fresh, it feels inventive, and it’s really about a group of people working together to live their dream and have fun along the way,” said Tony DiSanto, executive vice president of series development and programming at MTV.
It’s true…when I think of the various miscreants on shows representing “the MTV brand”, Down’s Syndrome is probably pretty close to what I typically envision. Now if only they could incorporate a sexy retarded girl with big boobs. I hear Jessica Simpson could use the work.
Jan.20.2009 Mark Gormley is intense
I think my new thing is these awful music videos that are meant to be taken seriously. Much like Jan Terri, Mark Gormley isn’t the most talented fellow. But what he lacks in talent, he makes up for in INTENSITY.
I don’t think it’s possible to be any more intense than Mark Gromley, unless you were stabbing a sabertooth tiger with a glowing sword while taking a fierce crap. But why would you have a sabertooth tiger in your bathroom, you freak? God everything is a creepy tiger fetish with you.
I was always kind of shocked that this awful music didn’t become a genre of its own. With American Idol and William Hung and Wesley Willis, it could have really taken off. I mean, maybe not taken off in the sense of being good, but taken off like AIDS took off. So basically, it’d help you lose weight and make many friends named Julio.
Jan.16.2009 Lady Gaga isn’t bad. Physically. Not sonically.
From somewhere in London…queuing up and such.
I don’t think Lady Gaga is bad looking. People have compared her to Christina Aguilera but that comparison isn’t very accurate because Christina Aguilera is hot and slutty and Lady Gaga seems like a completely vacuous club girl on ecstasy. That doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t do them both, but Lady Gaga would be more of a sweaty club bathroom endeavor that gives you a contact high and a contempt for the song Days Go By.
Anyway I also had received emails from Lady Gaga’s publicist for about the past year, way before she got “big” here. And I ignored every single one. And then she got popular. And then I felt silly. But then I realized, there’s probably a bit of a disparity in the core demographics since I don’t think my readers are often wearing short shorts after being gleefully sodomized by a guy in a leather vest, so it probably wouldn’t have been as effective. But yeah, I’d hit it, so congrats on that accomplishment. That makes you on the same level as thousands of women and several horses. What can I say, My Little Pony just does it for me.
