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Mar.24.2009 The March 24 Hot Link Orgy

The hottest orgy with the Numa Numa guy

The Numa Numa guy was a viral success so, of course, he’s trying his luck again with another lipsynching. Enjoy.

-What happens when your subconscious is a big racist? (funny vid)
-The #1 air hockey player on Earth and various other heroes of stuff-that-isn’t-quite a sport
-The top 10 videos of people getting fucked up by exercise balls
-10 of the best dirtily-named UK towns as presented by Google Maps
-Women’s tennis is being overtaken by some hermaphrodite
-The 10 most annoying cartoon characters ever
-My son has a penis problem (long, but funny - real messageboard post)
-Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore is pulling some amazing tail, vigorously, at his advanced age
-Kitty in a paper bag is adorable, probably animal torture (vid)
-30 extremely odd car accidents (pics)
-The Cock Shot (Shamwow parody…funny vid)
-5 mixed drinks men can have without being total fruits

-Brittny Gastineau has lovely cleavage
-Laura Torrisi is Italian and Italian girls have awesome boobs. And pizza.
-All the hottest chicks love Jeff Foxworthy. Wait, what?
-The 10 hottest female celebrity nerds
-Hayden Panettiere wears daisy dukes
-One of the Lingerie Football League’s QBs has topless photos (links to NSFW pics)
-Jessica Stroup looks good in a slinky little skintight dress

Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.

Mar.18.2009 Lesbian attacks wife with brother’s sperm

Lesbianism? Drunken attacks? Sperm? This is perhaps the story of the year.


A WOMAN in a lesbian marriage has been arrested in the US after allegedly attempting to forcibly inject her brother’s sperm into her wife.

Stephanie Lighten, 26, allegedly threw Jennifer Lighten, 33, on a couch in the couple’s home in Pittsfield, Massachusetts and threatened to impregnate her with “a turkey baster” filled with semen from Stephanie’s brother, reports.

The “turkey baster” was a large syringe with a catheter tip, according to police, who confisicated it, a container of semen donated by Stephanie’s brother , Nicholas Lighten, and some aluminium that also apparently had contained the semen.

According to Jennifer she struggled with a “liquored up” Stephanie on the couch who grabbed at Jennifer’s clothes.

Jennifer ran to the bathroom and locked herself in but allegedly Stephanie broke down the door hurting her wrist in the process.

Jennifer then fled from the house and started to drive away in the couple’s 4WD vehicle but was halted when Stephanie jumped on the side of the car.

A witness at the scene said Stephanie “was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car.”

This is like a horror movie. A sexy horror movie where the weapon is lesbian lust and a turkey baster full of sperm. Which is more like a porn spoof of a horror movie than an actual horror movie, but whatever. I could see how it’d be confusing to get attacked by a turkey baster full of sperm while you’re trying to take a nap on the couch. I really support lesbians and their right to a normal life, so I can completely relate to this story. I mean, I attack women all the time with my human turkey baster full of sperm and they’re typically horrified (assuming that I didn’t give them enough chloroform) so I definitely relate to Stephanie’s plight. Bitches need to learn to sleep heavier.


Mar.16.2009 Boozing it up with maximum efficiency

Via BasicInstructions comes this important breakdown of drinking for those in need of knowledge.


This is funny but it’s lacking something. If you’re going to give people a guide about drinking and not mention the dangers of date rape, you’re doing a serious disservice to yourself and your readers. Date rape is a harrowing process. Oh not like if you’re a chick, I mean like, if you’re a guy and you fuck a fat girl. It’s basically like you raped yourself with your own dick. And the showers will wash off the stench of Cheetos and smelly fat girl vagina but not the stench of the harsh realization that yes, in fact, you’ve lost at life. So take that next Irish Car Bomb with caution, fellows.

Mar.11.2009 Quote of the Day

It’s tough to do policing when the officer is half-naked, but that’s just what this gentleman did. It’s like a buddy comedy, but much less exciting.

A deputy in his underwear teamed up with a bank president to track down an alleged drunk driver. Police said Deputy Russell Preston was home Thursday evening when a pickup truck hit a light pole, skidded into his front yard and kept going. Preston gave chase on foot, wearing a T-shirt, boxers and socks.

Johnson Bank president Dick Hansen was driving by and witnessed the commotion. He motioned for Preston to get in and together they followed the driver.

The two nabbed the driver a few blocks away. The 32-year-old driver was cited for operating while intoxicated and other offenses.

Hansen said Preston immediately identified himself as a deputy. Hansen said he had to take Preston’s word, since “it’s not like he was wearing his badge.”


Mar.09.2009 The March 9 Hot Link Orgy

The hottest orgy with hot chicks falling off tables

I’m undecided as to whether a drunk hot chick falling off a table makes her more desirable or less. Probably more if she’s unconscious.

-Bentley Jo is a professional hooker on Myspace (as opposed to all the amateur ones)
-Anna Kournikova likes to play with large balls
-Cincinnati Reds’ pitcher Bronson Arroyo is pulling all kinds of hot bikini-clad bitches onto his boat
-Kelly Brook has amazing cleavage
-Jessica Biel dressed up as Jessica Rabbit on SNL, providing much masturbatory material for all
-Is there ever a bad time for a collection of Rachel Bilson photos?
-Rosario Dawson sluts it up a bit in this hot photoshoot
-Ariel Meredith is missing her shirt

-Experts determine the most expensive video game castles ever
-Another reminder of why you and your boss shouldn’t be friends on Facebook
-The girls at Oakwood High School seem a bit..loose (funny pic)
-Amanda Bynes is out being drunk and showing off her legs a lot lately, isn’t she?
-A nice collection of the best posts of 2009 so far
-10 very funny spoofs of 80s comedy movie trailers (vids)
-Jackie Chan shows off why he’s such a badass (vid)
-A compilation of European people doing dumb shit
-15 strange theme restaurants
-10 hypeworthy fitness trends
-Who wins: 30 hornets or 30,000 bees? (vid)

Mar.05.2009 Beer pong doesn’t give you herpes, unless you’re Fox News

Stephen Colbert completely skewered Fox and Friends for its story on beer pong leading to disease according to a report by the Center for Disease Control (that was completely made up). The extremely informative report by Fox News is below.

Researching is overrated though. Like, who cares if a report is real or not? It’s way easier and way more fun to just make shit up and present it as fact. For example: The Muslims are using LOLcat pictures to dumb down mainstream America so that they can launch a series of cat-based dirty bomb attacks. Did you know that? Well it’s true. I saw it on the FBI’s Web site. It was in there. Oh God, wait, I own a cat. Oh…oh no. Wait, didn’t I just make this fact up? I’m so confused! So I guess the point is that if there’s a video of my adorable cat Nilla beheading me in front of a flag with a picture of Garfield and Arab scribblings, you’ll know why.

Also, pro tip: The main way you get herpes from beer pong is by inserting your penis into the water cup you wash the ping pong ball with and then drinking it. And it will impress people much less than you think. But be slightly more delicious. I assume everyone has strawberry flavored lotions produced from their pores like I do. It’s a serious condition. Seriously delicious.

Mar.02.2009 Drinking can cost you all this

If you were a nubile young man in 1909, you might have seen anti-liquor posters like this. Your reaction may not be what they intended.


Ironically, the only way you would ever want to fuck one of these beasts is if you were kneedeep in moonshine. God the early 1900s sucked. Women didn’t fuck and they looked like this, everyone was poor, the Irish were everywhere, and odds are you’d end up with polio. And I’m pretty sure color didn’t exist back then from what I can tell from all of the old photos and videos. How could I entertain everyone with my spinning red bow tie? Savages.

And this is why a time machine will lead you to nothing but problems. You’d probably be all excited if you had one, then go back in the past and go, “Wait, why doesn’t my iPhone work?” And the answer is probably AT&T’s shitty reception if you went back anywhere in the past two years. Or, if you go back further in time, because where cell-phone towers are now, lynching trees were. And you’d be shocked to learn that racially oppressed black men don’t generate cell-phone signals as well as you’d think (which is why early designs for the cell-phone antenna quickly switched to plastic or metal rods from their severed black penises). To science!

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