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Apr.17.2009 The April 17 Hot Link Orgy


The hottest orgy with kicks


Here’s one dude who really got kicked in the face. POWERFULLY

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-Celebs (including hot chicks) dressed up like Disney characters…pretty cool actually
-An important note to potential bank robbers (funny pic)
-The 10 best mascots ever
-This weekend’s UFC pay per view is shaping up to be a bloodbath
-Texas drunk gets a DUI on a steamroller…brilliant!
-Mattel dolls would be much less popular if they reflected reality, like this (funny pic)
-The 10 least romantic gifts
-Animal House, recut as a serious drama (funny vid)
-Good cop, Naked cop (SFW but hilarious vid)
-Baby name or computer virus?

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-Brazil makes such sexy girls. Mail me this one, please. Cut holes in the box too so she can breathe.
-Hey remember Mandy Moore? She’s still hot! Yay
-Jennifer Love Hewitt looks good in Maxim, surprisingly
-The story of a college girl getting naked for strangers. Yes.
-Kim Kardashian’s ass always looks awesome and huge in spandex
-Mel Gibson’s new chick is so hot shirtless with hair over her boobs
-Amateur girls doing lesbian things? Uh, yes!
-Eliza Dushku is being all Eliza Dushku-y

Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.

Apr.16.2009 The end of the world


Via Amazing Superpowers comes this take on what it will be like for you trying to get laid at the end of the world.

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I don’t know that I could have sex with a cockroach. They’re really small and I imagine it’d be very difficult for me to insert my penis inside of one. In fact, it’d probably end up just squishing it or something with the weightiness of my genitals. That doesn’t seem too sexually satisfying for either party. So I guess my point is I should have never put up that profile on RoachDate.com.

Apr.14.2009 Lindsay Lohan is looking for love


I suck at setting up skits but here we go…what would it look like if single starlet Lindsay Lohan ditched the blow long enough to make an eHarmony profile? Why, I think it might look a little something like this:

It’s hard for a celebrity to find a meaningful relationship with someone since they’re always so insulated from society. And when they’re out in public and someone can actually strike up a meaningful dialogue, how can you know if they’re genuinely interested in you as a person instead of your fame? I’d think that if you have such social cache, having a man like myself wanting you primarily for your sweet jugs is probably a welcome change.

Anyway, here’s to hoping this leads to something of a Lindsay Lohan rebirth where she gets her image and understands that the best way to repair it is to not take herself too seriously. Or that she ends up making a sex tape, as has been rumored. Either way, I’d be pretty content.

Mar.30.2009 Cleaning up the boyfriend


Via CrookedGremlin comes this cautionary tale of what can happen if you try to clean up your boyfriend a bit too much.

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It’s like I always tell my girlfriend: “Keep trying to change me, and I’ll end up getting sodomized.” I’m not sure exactly how that’ll happen when I take out the garbage or buy her an engagement ring, but rest assured, it’ll happen. Like a girthy homing missile attached to a man named Julian with frosted tips on his hair.

Mar.25.2009 SHOCKING! Young men don’t want old ladies


I’m so fucking sick of the whole “Cougars on the prowl” nonsense for old ladies with withering vaginas fucking young guys like it’s a regular occurrence, so it’s great news to see this article that debunks the myth. Turns out young men…not so interested in actually dating old bitches.

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This girl’s boobs say what we’re all thinking

Maureen Trickett, an event organizer for 8minuteDating.com, had an idea based on all the hype surrounding younger men dating older women. She decided last year to plan an event specifically for that demographic - a night of speed dating for women-of-a-certain-age and the boyish men who love them.

“I need eight men,” Trickett explained. “If I don’t get eight, the system cancels the event.”

Trickett decided it was worth a second try. She set up another speed dating event for a recent Sunday afternoon at Tommy Doyle’s in Kendall Square, this time for older women and younger men, as well as older men and younger women. The room would be split in half - age-inappropriate on both sides.

But again she had a shortage of younger men. The “cougar event,” as Trickett was calling it, was canceled.

The older men/younger women event went on as planned, but only because Trickett waived the fee for a few women so that they’d sign up and the numbers would be even.

Despite what magazines and tabloids might suggest, Trickett said, despite all the talk of cougar culture, men still want to date younger women, and older women . . . well, their options are limited.

I hate how the media takes a trend and runs with it like it’s fact so KUDOS to the Boston Globe for getting some proof that nobody really WANTS old women. You know why young men fuck old ladies at bars? Because they’re desperate and drunk. Most guys would fuck a juicer by the time last call comes around, so your haggardly ass is a fucking vacation by comparison. No young man wants to date an old lady and be seen in public and hear things like, “Oh, your mom seems nice.”

Here’s a plan for you, older women. Act age appropriate. Date a banker or some guy who wears a shirt and says things like, “I find that Life on Mars show to be utterly compelling” or “My 401k is robust and diversified” and stay away from me. Every time I’ve fucked an older woman I feel like I raped myself with her vagina.

[whole lot more at the source article]

Mar.16.2009 Ladies, this man is single


Via HolyTaco comes this maybe/probably fake video from some guy to his ex. And it’s funny if it’s real. Less funny if not. Whatever, look moving pictures with sound!

If some girl had broken up with me and I wanted her back (which would never happen because A) I’m too awesome to leave behind and B) It’s pretty hard to win someone back after you initially turned them off by carving their initials into your arm after she said “Hi” to you at a Wendy’s), I’m not sure this is the approach I’d take. I’d probably do something really grand like get her 7000 flowers or kidnap her cat and make it hold up a sign that says “TAKE HIM BACK OR I DIE”. But I guess I’m just a romantic like that.

Mar.10.2009 This kid takes prom seriously


High school is a great time in a man’s life, especially today when the girls are easy and still require about as much romantic effort as I require to pleasure myself (basically just kind of being there and not causing hemorrhaging). But this kid is ruining it for everyone with his unnecessary teenage romantic efforts.

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As students streamed out of Allentown’s Central Catholic High School at dismissal today, girls shrieked and giggled when they spotted Emmaus High School junior Zach Heffelfinger. He was holding a dozen roses in each hand.

In between was a huge, hand-made sign: “Adriana Nikles, will you go to the prom with me?”

By the time the object of his affection stepped out of the door, a contingent of grinning students were milling around 17-year-old Zach.

One look at the sign, and all sophomore Adriana could do was throw her arms around Zach’s neck and say “Yes, I will.” Zach’s romantic surprise began earlier in the day when he got Adriana’s friends to plant puzzle pieces around the school fit to form the word “PROM?”

Sixteen-year-old Adriana got the first puzzle piece in Spanish class and found the second one in her locker. Pieces appeared in her classes throughout the day.

“I knew it had to be him,” she said.

This is unbelievable. It’s like providing a plate, salad forks, and seven types of well-aged wine to eat a dinner of Chicken McNuggets and chewed bubblegum. But of course, this one-upping asshole is doing even more next year.

As the couple started discussing plans for the Emmaus prom on May 2, Zach warned, “Wait until the senior prom, it’s going to be even bigger than this, maybe a parade or circus.”

“Oh my God!” said Adriana.

I can’t wait for him to get his stupid little heart broken when she inevitably sucks off the first frat guy she meets. There comes an important crossroads in every man’s life where he can continue to be idealistic about love and want to do amazing things for every woman or come to the logical realization that women typically only deserve a croissantwich and a walk to the bus station.

[source]

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