Mar.20.2009 Quote of the Day

Since the news has basically given up on reporting actual news, they’re telling stories of assholes with squirrels in their attic. Like this asshole with a squirrel in his attic.

History will show it was the squirrel who started this war.

In an instinctive act of aggression, it occupied the territories known as the Jensens’ attic. The Greendale family had no choice but to fight back.

For weeks now the battle has raged, with each side advancing and retreating. Dave Jensen, the king of the castle under siege, has developed a healthy respect for the gray squirrel across enemy lines.

“Normally when you see a squirrel, it’s just a squirrel. But now it’s like I know him. He’s a very worthy adversary,” Dave said when I embedded with his forces this week.

Dave, who runs a marketing and communications firm when he’s not playing Bill Murray in “Caddyshack,” liberally applies pronouns to the squirrel. Sometimes he says him, sometimes her. Who can say for sure?


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