There’s some deer in Italy getting a lot of attention today and, surprisingly, it’s not because he’d make delicious Venison Parmesan (which he would). It’s because he has one horn coming out of his head, which makes him look like a unicorn.

The shy, young deer nicknamed “Unicorn” because of the rare, single horn growing out of the center of his head has drawn hundreds of unicorn lovers to Tuscany since his media debut, park officials said Thursday.

Visitors are flocking to the nature preserve in Tuscany where Unicorn lives hoping to capture images of the mammal drawing comparisons to the mythical animal.

“We have received so many calls from people and many are coming to see it,” said Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, near Florence. “Sometimes he comes close to the fence, even if he is very shy.”

The year-old Roe Deer was born in captivity with an apparent genetic flaw that resulted in a rare single horn in the middle of his head, Tozzi said. His twin, in contrast, has two horns.

I just want to point out that unicorns are HORSES, not DEER. And they’re majestic and pretty and have rainbow hair and I would call mine Majesty if my parents didn’t suck and were incapable of buying me a unicorn when I was a child. She would be so pretty and I would love her and feed her oats and elf entrails because I assume that unicorns find that delicious and key for them to maintain their special powers.

Anyway, where I come from, we’d call this deer a genetic anomaly or, in laymen terms, a “retard” or “retard mutant.” If I was born with one horn, you wouldn’t think I was so fucking magical, would you? You’d be like, “Dude. What up with that horn?” Same thing with when my mother was killed by a hunter on film. What the fuck do I have to do to get all the breaks that a deer gets? I’m more than willing to lick some salt or prance around. SOMEONE TELL ME.

No this isn’t about my drunken stumbling through Chelsea. Rather, a Principal in South Carolina resigned because he hates faggotry.

Eddie Walker, the principal of Irmo High School in Columbia, S.C., announced his intention to step down to faculty and students on Wednesday, saying he’ll end his tenure following the 2008-09 school year. The decision, outlined in a letter to Lexington-Richland School District 5 officials, said the reason was the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliance Club for students.

“Allowing the formation of this club on our campus conflicts with my professional beliefs and religious convictions,” Walker wrote in the letter, obtained by FOX affiliate WACH-TV.

“I feel the formation of a Gay/Straight Alliance Club at Irmo High school implies that students joining the club will have chosen to or will choose to engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex, opposite sex, or members of both sexes,” he wrote.

In his letter, Walker wrote he prayed about the issue before stepping down and asked board members to “respect my choice as I respect your choice to disagree with me on this issue.”

You know, the dude is being pretty reasonable about the whole thing. It’s not like he walked into the club meeting and yelled “Faggots!” while beating the little nancy boys with their hard plastic dildos. There’s something to be said for a biased Southern guy to be carrying himself with a degree of decorum.

With that said, I found the Gay and Lesbian Alliance or whatever the ‘mo club was at my high school to be utterly obnoxious. I remember one time we had an assembly they through and one of the gay guys talking there had a last name of “Elasser”. It’s like…come on! YOU’RE JUST BEGGING FOR ME TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOU. THEN ANGRILY KISS YOU IN THE LOCKER ROOM AS I’M UNABLE TO COME TO GRIPS WITH WHO I REALLY AM. BUT THEN YOU OUT ME TO ALL MY JOCK FRIENDS BECAUSE I WAS BASHING YOU PUBLICLY BUT SLEEPING WITH YOU IN PRIVATE. DAMN YOU GAYS! Uh. Hi.

That pic game up for “gay high school”. So here we are.

Far be it from me to question a teacher’s lesson plans, but I’m thinking asking sixth graders to vote on who will be the most likely to get pregnant or HIV or go to jail or be poor might not be the best curriculum for a science class.

A sixth-grade science teacher at Chastain Middle School could face disciplinary action for forcing a class to list the students most likely to die before 19 and most likely to get pregnant before they graduate from high school.

Teacher Roshondra Sipp on Monday told the students to fill out a paper with questions such as who in the class is most likely to contract AIDS/HIV, go to jail and be poor, Curtis Lyons said. His daughter is in Sipp’s class.

Jackson Public Schools apologized to students and parents Wednesday, saying an “inexperienced teacher” used “poor professional judgment.” JPS did not name the teacher.

Lyons was told by his daughter the class of about 19 students did not want to do the assignment, but Sipp insisted. After the students gave the teacher the answers, she tallied the totals and put them on the wall, Lyons said.

Lyons said his daughter was listed as the fifth most likely to become pregnant in high school.

“That’s when they began to make fun of each other,” he said. “This is just ignorant. It shows that not only is there a need to educate our students, but we need to better educate our teachers.”

Lyons said it was not clear if the assignment was meant to motivate students to do better or if it was meant as a joke. He said the assignment could negatively impact the students’ performance on the Mississippi Curriculum Test, which began Tuesday.

I guess that might make sense if this is some sort of longitudinal psychological study in which you determine if having these children vote for their most likely candidate made the winners any more or less likely to actually complete the tasks. Like a scavenger hunt in which the prize is AIDS or a fetus. But that’s not much of a prize at all. What an awful scavenger hunt. Who organized this? It’s like that time I was bobbing for apples at a Boy Scout retreat and the prize was a blindfold and some sort of meat flavored lollipop. It’s like my mouth was already all sore from bobbing for apples, but then to force my face onto some prize I didn’t really want, I dunno. And there wasn’t even like a Tootsie Roll in the middle. It didn’t even melt away! It just like shot some sort of gooey bleach down my trachea. Waiiiiiiiiiiit…oh…oh nooo. I’m guessing they weren’t really taking my temperature either. Sigh. At least I got to wear short shorts.

My childhood traumas aside, they’re poor black kids in Mississippi. Let’s be real here, they probably celebrated their triumphant showings in the polls with their newborn babies by doing some intravenous drug use. It’s nice to pretend that everyone has a great chance at leading a productive life, but welcome to reality, kids. Perhaps that was the lesson the science teacher wanted to impart most of all. A lesson about tempering expectations.

[Thanks to the lovely Dena for the tip]

Some trashy poor women fought because one was vacuuming while the other slept. Exciting.

Two Lincoln women got into a fight over vacuuming, and now one is in jail.

Police said Nicole Carper, 28, is charged with strangulation, domestic assault and child neglect.

Officers said that at about 10 p.m. Tuesday, Carper and her girlfriend, Rebecca Chilton, got into an argument because Chilton was vacuuming while Carper was sleeping. Police said Carper choked Chilton and hit her in the back of the head about 20 times.

Chilton’s 9-year-old son witnessed the entire event and her 4-year-old daughter was awakened by the incident, police said.

It’s funny because usually all the violence in my home was because my mom wasn’t vacuuming. That’s what I used to call “Daddy’s Fisty Time”. Which was different from when he fisted my mom. That was “Daddy’s Happy Fisty Time”. I wasn’t very creative as a child.

Thanks to incandescent reader Joey Joe Joe for the tip.