Dec.03.2008 Holy shit teenage girls are fucking retarded
Everyone knows about cutting and bulimia and whatever (kids: note that bulimia is totally cool if it makes you more attractive) amongst dumb shit teenage girls do. Now a new thing to add to the list: “Self-embedding”. Note: That’s a paper clip embedded in the arms of a girl (seemingly a chubby girl, shocker).
Personnel at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon.
One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long.
The study, presented Wednesday at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America in Chicago, is the first to report on this type of self-inflicted injury among teenagers, the researchers said. They call the behavior “self-embedding disorder.”
Dr. Elizabeth Berger, a spokeswoman for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, said parents should know that most teens do not injure themselves. But some teens might be at risk, and professionals who work with young people should be made aware of the study, she said.
“The take-home message would be that children who have it tough, carry psychological wounds and disability as the result,” Berger said. “Tortured people internalize the torture.”
That’s pretty fucked up though I think embedding a paper clip is lower priority when compared to someone putting ROCKS inside of them. What the fuck kind of retard do you have to be to think that inserting a rock underneath your flesh would be a good way to ease the pains of not feeling pretty or your dad’s drunkenness or whatever? Don’t these girls know that the way to ease your pain is to live a good life? Or do a lot of drugs? Actually, probably more of the latter. Yeah, definitely drugs.
Look, I’m not saying that I’m without fault. I’ve been known to find naive teenage girls missing something in lives and trying to get them to embed something of mine in them. It distracts them from their other pains for at least 2 minutes. Then I buy them wine coolers because, hey, I enjoy contributing to things including but not limited to delinquency. I’m a giver, what can I say?
[source]
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
Dec.02.2008 Yay delicious meat made from little boys
I love a good cold cut as much as the next guy, but I’ve been finding them to be a bit lacking lately. Fortunately, here’s a way that can really kick the taste up a notch…FRESH HUMAN BOY MEAT.
I’m always more inclined to buy products when creepy little kids are on the cover. Veal bologna, milk, uh..baby food…really, anything. The fact that the picture looks like it was taken in the 70s only means that it’s had a lot of time to age. Unlike the child, ideally.
Also I can think of nothing that would make you more deserving of being arrested on site than selling a big phallic object with a child’s face on it. I’d be surprised if this kid weren’t locked up in a dungeon at some point at his life for an exciting “veal bologna” photoshoot that ended in tears and fantasies of being saved by a brave rescue team.
[via]
Dec.01.2008 Women’s breasts used to commit crime
Just when you thought women couldn’t get more deadly comes this piece of news from Uganda; a new trend is women rubbing chloroform on their ample bosoms to knock men out and steal all their belongings. Sexy and devious!
Uganda’s police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious.
“They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state,” Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga told AFP.
“You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him,” he said. “And the victim doesn’t remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing.”
Enanga, who explained that several types of heavy sedatives had been used, said he first came across the practice last year when an apprehended thief named Juliana Mukasa made a clean breast of the matter.
“She is a very dangerous lady,” the official said.
While it’s certainly true that Mufasa is dangerous (especially considering how she went from a noble cartoon lion to a life of breast-related crime), just about any woman is dangerous with or without chloroform. If she weren’t so lazy, she’d have just jerked him off or something to get rid of his load then, as he laid there paralyzed, just robbed him blind. Ooh or jerked him off with chloroform, that’d work too! Or maybe she could have put wax in her mouth and then sucked him off with a chloroform mint in her mouth. Really this just confirms what I already knew: I’d be the best sexy female criminal in the history of the world.
[See more of the breasts pictured above, belonging to Danielle Lloyd, here. Story source here]
Nov.20.2008 Oh what a beautiful wedding
We’re all human beings, we all want to be loved by someone. Ideally, that special someone. So let’s take a break from the laughs here to really sit back and enjoy a man and a woman showing what love really is.
Oh young love…isn’t it beautiful?
And look at all of her beautiful sisters…one of these lucky single gals could be yours ;)
But what would a wedding be without the cake? And for a special occasion for two truly remarkable folks, it’s a really unique cake. A nice, classy, Twinkie cake.
It feeds.
And now we can get on with the magic of the honeymoon. Because what would a wedding be without the sweet sweet nectars of your loved one. Ever stuck your finger into a bowl of cookie dough? Yeah. I imagine it’d be a lot like that, but with much less delightful odors.
Anyway it’s great to see that one of the Boomers from the new video game Left 4 Dead has found true love.
[via the funny fellows at Sherdog.net's forums]
Nov.20.2008 Quote of the Day
An Oregon mayor just underwent a gender reassignment surgery, including new implants (hawt pic here). But he’s just a dude, so it’s cool.
“My first two terms, I was a very straight-looking guy,” said Rasmussen, 60, a software engineer who has written on transgender issues. “Now, I writeunder the name Carla Fong, but basically I’m Stu in Silverton. Honestly, it would be too much trouble to retrain the whole town.”
[via]
Nov.19.2008 Bears are taking over the world
America is falling apart right now with a shitty economy, civil unrest, and new episodes of Two and a Half Men. So what could be the final sign of our personal apocalypse? Bears are getting much smarter.
I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. Ever since I read my first Berenstain Bears book I was like, “Oh fuck, they’ve gained autonomy.” Who knows what else they’re planning? I’m guessing raping and pillaging can’t be too far away. And trust me when I say that bears are not gentle lovers. My trip across Europe with Paddington taught me a lot. Including that there was nothing but pain hidden beneath his little blue jacket.
Nov.18.2008 We’ve all got something to prove
I know comic fans hate when something is taken completely out of context but COME ON. Check out the plight of the Green Lantern in this panel.
I think we can all relate to what he’s dealing with here. Just because you’re a guy with a van who likes to collect Pokemon cards and maybe you like to drive laps around certain elementary schools and ask kids for directions for places that don’t exist or wear a wispy mustache and load up on cases and cases of Flintstones Chewable Roofies doesn’t make you a child molester. It makes you prepared. Like a boy scout. A yummy yummy boy scout.
