Nov.18.2008 Comic of the Day: How to solve all a man’s problems
A new daily feature because, honestly, there’s so many funny comics out there and, hey, it’s an extra post that takes no effort. So we all win! I’m not totally sure what time of day I’ll be running this, but it’s running at this time…right now!
Via Kartoen.be
Honestly, one day women will understand that all of life’s problems can be solved by blowing me. In fact, if we put together some sort of competition where women vie to see who can blow me the best, we could probably figure out the economy, healthcare, and how to keep potato chips fresh after opening the bag for the first time. So really, we’re doing the world a disservice by not doing that.
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Nov.18.2008 The November 18 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with organized combat
You may want to pursue a new activity after getting owned like that
-The Nickelodeon chicks you loved are now all grown up (with pics)
-Amateur girls in assless chaps = niiiiice
-The Smallest Cock in Porn (funny video)
-10 virtual life sites to ruin your marriage with
-How to effectively pretend to be on your cell phone
-Maury Povich redefines hard hitting journalism (funny video)
-Ronald McDonald loves porn (funny pic)
-Audrina Patridge brings her amazing breasts to Atlantic City
-5 things you may not have known about women
-Kelly Brook’s busty in a bikini
-The Attractive Girls Union holds a press conference (funny video)
-Now that Barack Obama is President, racism is over! (funny video)
-More outtakes from GQ’s Megan Fox photoshoot
-This Zune ad leaves something to be desired (video)
-The 10 funniest Internet fail videos of all time
-Hot Arizona State coeds and beer
-<3 Elisha Cuthbert
Nov.05.2008 Women do have cooties, according to new study
Ever wonder why you’re always catching colds and illnesses and STDs from women? Turns out it’s because their bodies are havens for germs.
Ladies, your hands are a zoo. Sampling the bacterial DNA on human skin has revealed that while women’s hands get washed more often than men’s, they teem with a more diverse selection of germs.
What’s more, the average person’s hands probably carry at least 3000 different bacteria belonging to more than 100 species. This startling cornucopia may make it possible to tell which objects have been touched by someone, just by looking at the bacteria left behind.
Noah Fierer and colleagues at the University of Colorado at Boulder in the US swabbed the palms of 51 undergraduates coming out of an exam. They then used the PCR technique to amplify the bacterial DNA present, and sequenced the genetic material using a high-throughput method called pyrosequencing.
“We were pretty surprised to see such clear differences between men and women,” says Fierer. “We don’t know the causes.” Differences in sweat and sebum production, hormones and even the use of cosmetics might be involved, but it could simply be that men’s skin is more acid – acid environments tend to have less microbial diversity.
I can’t say I’m surprised. Emotionally, women are all devils, so it’s not really any surprise that they’re taking their warfare to a biological level. You hear that women? Your sweet skin, sexy curves, and womanly smells are all ways of luring us in to your vaginal anthrax.
I have to wonder though if the researches did a really in-depth look at men’s balls for this study. I’m pretty sure that there are much worse things congregating there than on any woman. In fact, that’s where the Plague came from…teabagging was the hot trend of the time so while everyone was pulling their scrotal pranks, they spread the disease further and further. Don’t even bother looking it up, it’s true. We call that scientific fact, my friends.
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Nov.04.2008 New lingerie has GPS in it, makes women all feministy
A new line of lingerie with GPS tracking capabilities has ladies all in a tizzy because women get all emotional when they have their periods. Or because it’s an invasion of privacy. Either/or.
Feminists around the world have reacted with horror to a new line of lingerie that comes equipped with a GPS tracking system.
The ‘find me if you can’ range of underwear has been described as a modern-day, high-tech chastity belt.
‘It is outrageous to think that men can buy this, programme it and give it to their partners and then monitor them,’ said Claudia Burghart, leader of a Berlin feminist group.
‘It is nothing more than a chastity belt for insecure men.’
Sure, it’s an invasion of privacy. But you know what’s more of an invasion of privacy? The alternative, in which I shove a Lojack device in your vag. Yeah, not such a bad idea now, is it?
And what does the tracking help anyway? Yes, you’ll see your chick on a map, but who gives a shit? It’s not like you can look at the map and see “Cowboy Joe’s Big Black Dick House of Adultery” as the location where she’s at.
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Oct.31.2008 Fat girls more likely to have sex than non-fatties
A new study has shaken the foundations of science and sexuality, primarily due to the shift of fat women rushing to hand in their surveys. A new study shows that fat chicks are more likely to be getting laid than thin ones.
Overweight women are more likely to report having sex with men than women considered to be of “normal weight,” U.S. researchers said.
The study is based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, which looked at sexual behavior of more than 7,000 U.S. women.
“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” Kaneshiro said in a statement.
Ninety-two percent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as opposed to 87 percent of women with a normal body mass index.
In fairness, BMI is kind of a dumb way of measuring if someone’s fat or not. If a girl has great big sexy boobs, she’ll probably be over her recommended BMI too. And, as we all know, every attractive woman with big breasts is a complete whore. I can’t accept that porn’s lied to me over the years, it would destroy my whole world view.
But yeah, let’s assume that this really is about real fat women. Like fat women whom you could see and go, “Wait, that thing is a person? I just assumed you were a pile of mashed potatoes that gained autonomy and a willingness to move.” If that’s the case, and I pray to all the gods that it isn’t, then I am ashamed for all of you. Yes, we’ve all wanted to fuck the Michelin Man at some point in our lives. Doesn’t make it right.
Oct.24.2008 Most desperate woman ever looking to buy a Super Bowl ad to find a man
Alternate title: This bitch really needs some dick. A bit blunt? Perhaps…but aspiring to take out a personal ad at the Super Bowl (valued at $3 million) warrants such pleasant attention.
A Manhattan lonely heart wants to buy a $3 million Super Bowl ad so she can advertise her availability to millions of potential husbands nationwide.
Amy Borkowsky - who gives her age as somewhere between Carrie and Samantha - is confident she’ll up her odds of marriage if she markets herself to an audience of captive, guacamole-gutted football fans.
“Dating is a numbers game,” she said. “I need to reach a large pool of guys.”
To that end, she has created a Web site, SuperBowlSingleGirl.com, to raise money to reach her multimillion-dollar goal to buy a 30-second shot at love.
So far, she has bagged about a grand, mostly from $10 and $25 donations.
Borkowsky has already brainstormed ideas for a TV spot. She might write a jingle, feature testimonials from ex-lovers or even do side-by-side comparisons of her and other single gals.
It’s a complete and utter publicity stunt (going through her site yields incessant mentions of her undoubtedly funny stand-up and the names of her comedy CDs. Yes I’m sure you’d find a lot of jokes about how tough it is to be a single gal, how men don’t appreciate a good lady, how you too can smash your face against a toaster and still work your way into the public eye, etc.) But let’s say, for her sake, that she’s legitimately hoping this works and wants to succeed and not just doing it to desperately cling for attention. Maybe she could ask for $3.3 million to get a little work done before making the ad. Or maybe she can just really fix herself and invest all that money into making her look slightly less like Baraka from Mortal Kombat.
I would rather let an Italian monkey on a 1920s street corner insert my penis into one of those grinder jukeboxes than I would give it into her. I’d also probably rather date the monkey. At least he wouldn’t always be talking about how hard it is to find a good Jewish man and he’d probably be throwing slightly less feces at me.
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Oct.07.2008 Elle’s Women in Hollywood event had like every woman in Hollywood
From A-listers like Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry to uh, negative Q listers like Jennie Garth and Katherine McPhee (below), every vagina in Hollywood came out for Elle’s 15th Tribute to Women in Hollywood last night.
Yeah girl power is all great and whatever, rah rah, but because this event was “for women”, no slutty outfits were unveiled. Just sensible, classy dresses that displayed no cleavage, legs, butt cleavage, hips, lower back tattoos, belly buttons, thighs, vaginal lips, or anuses. Not that many dresses show the latter other than the Elton John Collection, but still, there’s literally nothing hot about these photos.
Anyway if you like dumb women pretending they care about what Audrey Hepburn did a billion years ago, there are more photos below.
