Dec.02.2008 Michael Jackson’s Punch-Out
I don’t care how old this is and I don’t care that Michael Jackson is presently as culturally relevant as polio, this is a fucking awesome video. It’s a recreation of the classic Nintendo game Punch-Out, only with Michael Jackson in the role of Mike Tyson and Macaulay Culkin in the role of Little Mac.
There probably weren’t enough jokes about Michael Jackson touching Macaulay inappropriately, but I guess that’s to be expected. Frankly, there are never enough jokes about children being touched inappropriately. What can I say? I’m insatiable.
In a related note, I kind of wish someone rich or famous had cupped my balls when I was younger. I’m fucking paying off college loans forever because David Carradine didn’t feel compelled to stroke my ass once but these other kids are living the high life because MJ liked to get them drunk and play Hide The Misshapen Bleached Sausage with them. I’m not saying I want to be retroactively sodomized, but enough heavy petting to have made a nice $500k nest egg? I could live with it.
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Nov.19.2008 The November 19 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with homemade sex tapes
Making a sex tape with this hot chick goes horribly wrong.
-Erin Andrews’ breasts require bodyguards
-Pop culture propaganda posters (funny pics)
-13 horny mascots (funny pics)
-Holly Madison takes photos with clothes or without
-The 20 hottest Victoria’s Secret models of all time
-Sexy videos from FHM
-Ever seen a girl get fucked in an office window before? (funnysexy pic)
-Hayley Pascoe is an amazing Australian bikini model
-Hot Latina singers bring breasts to the Latin Grammys
-How to not fool your spouse with your iPhone
-What if Facebook took over your whole life for real? (funny video)
-Suge Knight is a problem
-A fine ass in a thong
-A bunch of stuff that astronauts dropped in space
-Tami Donaldson’s chest is exploding out
-A bunch of hot chicks who love video games
-Awesome old article on “Everyday Rules for Being a Good Wife” (hilarious misogyny alert!)
Nov.14.2008 “Second Life” relationship leads to real life divorce
Video games lead to divorce! Families torn apart by virtual infidelity! Oh woe is me!
A couple have divorced after the husband was caught having a “virtual affair” with a female character in an online game.
David Pollard and Amy Taylor met in an online chat room in 2003 and married after discovering a shared love of the internet game Second Life.
In the game, players create characters known as avatars, which then interact with others in a virtual world. To his wife’s horror, Mr Pollard’s interaction included virtual infidelity with a female character playing the role of a prostitute. Ms Taylor said yesterday that her husband had been guilty of the “ultimate betrayal”, even though he had never met the real person behind his online affair.
The lovely virtual couple and the even lovelier real life couple are pictured above. It’s reasonably absurd that something like this would happen, but I guess there’s something to be said about the damage that a spiritual affair can do…it’s almost as hurtful as a physical one, if not moreso. So yes, this is a rare occasion…I’m taking a woman’s side. I know, I know, I’m sorry.
In related news, I jerked off to Ms. Pac Man. The way she gobbled those bananas…she knew what she was doing. Slut.
[source]
Nov.06.2008 Angelina Jolie uses the Nintendo DS to stay fit?
Angelina Jolie is universally regarded as the hottest girl alive. So prepare to find her even hotter when you learn that she’s playing Nintendo DS games like a 15 year-old Japanese schoolgirl.
“The kids were convincing her that video games were more than just fun,” according to a source close to Angelina Jolie, 33. “They explained to her you can do anything from practice math to learn to read music and exercise.”
The source tells OK! that Angie’s eldest son Maddox, 7, was showing Angelina — who also has her hands full with Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, Shiloh, 2, and 4-month-old twins, Knox and Vivienne — the games for their Nintendo DS online when they discovered Let’s Pilates!.
“She tries to get in an hour of Pilates three times a week,” the source says.
“She’s picking it up pretty quickly and is already at the hardest setting!”
I wonder if Angelina’s kids always speak in advertising lingo. Maybe that’s how they learned English after coming from the Serengeti or Pluto or whatever, just watching mindless TV ads. I’m pretty sure Maddox’s first words were about how you only have to take 8 Valtrex pills a day to prevent future outbreaks and then you go out and live a normal life.
One can only hope that this leads to a scenario in which Angelina Jolie falls in love with Mario. It’s not entirely implausible…he’s a powerful man, he cares about other less fortunate peoples (as is evidenced by his aid to the people of Mushroom Kingdom). Sure, Angelina would have to ignore Mario’s tendencies towards exterminating entire races like the Goombas, but hey, you can’t love everything about a person right away.
[Via the new issue of OK Magazine]
Oct.31.2008 The October 31 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with shaved eyebrows
Don’t ever make important eyebrow decisions when drunk
-An awesome collection of girls in slutty Halloween costumes
-..but not quite as slutty as hot girls with painted on costumes
-5 movies and TV shows this election has ruined forever
-The Hadron collider blows Audrina Patridge’s mind (video)
-Complete iPhone fail (funny picture)
-Best Halloween video ever? Perhaps (funny video)
-Denise Milani is exploding out of a pink top
-YOU NEED TO SEE THIS VIDEO (It involves Hamsters and a Piano)
-Olivia Munn interviews herself about wearing bikinis (sexyyyy)
-10 appearances by porn stars in mainstream movies
-Father gives kid gun, kid shoots him (video)
-Pro: Slutty Halloween
-The 13 worst mythical creatures
-A thin line between costume success and failure
-Heidi Klum has got milk
-Vikki Blows has a phenomenal 2009 calendar
-Five video games chicks can play
-Serious book report fail (funny picture)
Oct.31.2008 Sega’s old advertising leaves something to be desired
So, I’m no advertising expert, but I think this ad for the old Sega Genesis (in the UK, so it’s called the Megadrive) isn’t a double entendre. Hell, it’s barely even a single entendre.
On the plus side, the ad definitely knows its audience of gamers: Chronic masturbators who need to distract themselves from their fleshy bodies without deviating too far from the masturbation formula.
Ironically, the motions presented in the ad were the same way you could defeat Dr. Robotnik in real life. You just move that joystick around for a couple pumps and he just groans, rolls over, and never talks to you again. Believe me, I know.
Oct.14.2008 Kids love Lara Croft
There’s something sexy about a woman dressed like a virtual woman who finds artifacts and shit playing a system where you pretend to be physically doing various activities.
That’s what love looks like, folks. Either love or someone well on his way to growing up and killing and eating this woman. They’re very similar looks.
