Dec.03.2008 New MTV show has actual jailbait
So MTV has a new show called “Busted” which features nubile young coeds and their douchey male friends getting arrested, usually for some combination of drinking and something you shouldn’t do while drinking. It’s like Super Sweet 16 only with teenage cuntiness replaced with drunken slurring and criminal records.
Oh, and sometimes (as in the clip below) it’s also a cop accusing a couple of busty college-aged girls whoring themselves in a bar and then blowing/fucking guys in bar bathrooms for money.
Fortunately they left out the part where, presumably, the two girls had to blow the cop putting on a show for the cameras. So yeah, you could probably see why this show is at least half-awesome. Combine policemen hamming it up for the camera and drunken whores doing drunk whore things and you have some first class television.
The show is also pretty educational because you learn how stopping four teenage girls for having daquiris (and not even drinking them) is a good usage of a police officer’s time. Now I’m not saying you should put on a police officer costume and go trolling for hot teenagers drinking underage, then tell them that “They can only get off if you get off” with a sly wink…but I’m not saying you shouldn’t either.
Pictures of some of the cuter girls below. Support this show because if it does well, we’ll be one step closer to the new show “My Super Sweet Teenage Sex Tape”.
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Dec.01.2008 There are no words for this kids’ show/Lil Jon remix
Sometimes you just need to applaud the people with a mind that functions a little differently. For example, you might see the Nickelodeon show LazyTown and see just a dull Norwegian show about some slut in training living with puppets and baking mediocre foods while singing. But some genius out there saw that and said, “No! I want more!”
There are very few times in which I won’t condone puppet bukkake. It’s just such a wonderful way to break up the monotony of cake baking. Really, jerking off on anything is a fine way to make things more exciting. For example, jerk off on your roommate’s door knob the next time he leaves the house but don’t tell him. He’ll be in for a real treat when he takes a whiff. But if he licks his fingers, then you’ll know you should probably be careful when sauntering around in a towel and bending over to pick up objects seductively.
Nov.24.2008 Hannah Montana episode banned for insensitivity towards…
Take a guess what group would be offended by this episode of Hannah Montana (just watch it and ask questions later):
The answer is of course the diabetic. You see Hannah’s goateed friend has diabetes but Hannah and her chick friend take him to a sweet 16 party with candy and sugar-filled items everywhere. Apparently the diabetic kid is also retarded because in spite of his diabetes, he tries to eat every sugary item at the party. Then Hannah and her chubby friend confront Lord Scruffychins about his diabetes and he comes clean about how he was embarrassed because people with diabetes should always be ashamed.
I think this episode went far, but not far enough. Why not have Miley Cyrus and her paunchy pal lure Ol’ Goat Face into some sort of trap, pretending that they want to have a raunchy threesome with him? Then, when he gets there, the girls lightly make out with him and tie him down and blindfold him, promising extremely kinky adventures. But then they just insert candy canes up his ass and dip the tip of his penis into a bucket of sugar. Then they go, “See, maybe you shouldn’t hide your diabetes” and when he wakes up from his coma, I bet he’ll have learned a really important lesson about friendship and being comfortable with who you are.
[Part 1 of the episode here, part 2 here. Via Buzzfeed]
Nov.21.2008 Real life Carls from Aqua Teen Hunger Force
I came across this today and found it to be pretty awesome. Adult Swim is casting real life versions of Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force for some reason (probably to get innocent gentlemen like me to post it), but they’ve made some interesting finds. Take a look at a couple of the better ones:
I’d say the last one is my fave. The impression isn’t so strong, but he’s really living the Carl lifestyle. And the gag about the box and his mouth is just hilarious. Well played, you viral marketing geniuses. See, you don’t have to make the idiots in Boston think they’re getting blown up to have an effective marketing tool!
Nov.14.2008 This reporter “can’t hear shit”
Reporters cursing happens a lot. It’s kind of overkill at this point. But what makes this clip special is the absolute horror coming from the faces of the anchor when the reporter on site claims that she “can’t hear shit”.
It’s tough. She’s just a reporter trying to make it in this crazy work-a-day world but she can’t hear anything. How can you report when you can’t hear? She’s the victim in all of this. With her dirty little mouth. Yeah, you’re a dirty girl spicy Latina reporter. You just love to curse and report the news. Yeahhhhh use that as a microphone. Mmm, now talk into it. Tell me the winning lotto numbers…17…3…5…OHHHHHHH.
Aaaand we’re done.
[clip via our friend Jimmy Traina at the awesome SI.com's Hot Clicks]
Nov.12.2008 Man breaks a fuckload of cement blocks
Okay so I just saw this on one of our lovely advertisers (G4TV’s new show Human Wrecking Ball, whose ad you can see below) and thought “Holy shit that’s fucking cool”. See, I do believe in the crap sponsoring me. Check out this video of the show.
Tell me that isn’t the most badass thing you’ve seen since you saw me fucking that army of terrorist supermodels into surrender. What can I say, I do what I can for my country, that’s just what a hero does. And what I am. A hero.
Anyway check out their site for more videos (or, if the ad is showing view it there…a man’s gotta eat yo).
Nov.03.2008 The 6 cartoons most likely to make you get out and vote
It’s that time of the year where everyone casts a vote for a candidate but, more importantly, casts their support for democracy. But if all the celebrity endorsements and media blitz weren’t enough to make you run out and place a vote for either of the two Presidential candidates, maybe these cartoons might make you see the importance of getting out and voting.
South Park
Episode: Douche or Turd
Lesson: Turd sandwiches make viable political candidates; Your vote doesn’t matter
In this pre-2004 Presidential Election episode, South Park Elementary’s mascot, the Cow, has been deemed inappropriate by PETA. So the school decides to elect a new mascot with candidates created by the students. This leads to a campaign being run by a Turd Sandwich and a Giant Douche.
And it featured a call to action from Diddy to Stan to get out and vote.
At the end of the episode, Stan decides to vote for Turd Sandwich. But then, the school opts to just use the Cow mascot again instead of the Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich, meaning Stan’s vote was completely meaningless. Kind of like being someone trying to vote for Al Gore in Florida in 2000.
While I would hate to dispute the credentials of Turd Sandwich, I’d have to question his existence in the first place. A Giant Douche has its uses…after all, women in the WNBA have to be cleaned somehow. But a Turd Sandwich? Why that doesn’t sound delicious at all, sir.
The Simpsons
Episode: Treehouse of Horror VII’s “Citizen Kang”
Lesson: Democracy just doesn’t work, particularly when aliens are involved
Loveable aliens (well, as loveable as someone trying to destroy our planet can be) Kang and Kodos decide that the best way to enslave all Earthlings is by taking over for Presidential candidates Bob Dole and Bill Clinton. Here’s how Kang, in the form of Bob Dole, won votes at a pre-election stump speech.
Unfortunately Kang’s promises of miniature flags never came to fruition as, instead, upon winning the election (yes, Bob Dole won the election…I know, that’s a bit far-fetched even for a cartoon), he opted to enslave all of the Earthlings to build a laser to attack another planet. Which sounds illogical until you realize that it undoubtedly saved us an attack from Neptunian terrorists and their weapons of mass destruction.
