Oct.10.2008 The 7 most delightfully perverse toy commercials
As a child, there’s so much that goes over your head. For example, look at these seven commercials that you might not think much of as a kid that now seem a little, shall we say, off.
Mr. Bucket has a love-hate relationship with your balls
I don’t really get how this game would be fun in any situation (here, put these balls in a bucket…HAHA IT FELL OUT, what fun!) but Mr. Bucket makes it seem captivating. And vaguely like a dog in a bathtub.
It’s so whimsical the way he requests balls being put in any open orifice. Singing and dancing around, just begging for you to toss them inside of him. It’s like hanging out with the male members of the cast of Rent at their show afterparties.
The Hulkamania Workout Set will make you get sweaty and shirtless with grown men
Hulkamania was a big thing for kids in the 80s. Hulk Hogan taught life lessons, won championships, did copious amounts of steroids…so of course the then-WWF wanted to pass his ideologies onto kids. Through the Hulkamania Workout Set (in a commercial that, oddly, didn’t feature Hulk Hogan, but rather his archnemesis, Paul Orndorff).
I can only imagine this boy’s father coming in to the room at the end of the commercial…
“Son, why is there a giant hole in the wall? And a shirtless man? And why are you also shirtless? Oh you’re just working out…whew! Welp, back to the living room, where I drink copiously and ignore any loud noises. Parenting is hard!”
The Baby Wee-Wee loves indecent exposure
There have been a ton of dolls that pee. I guess that’s fine enough because kids like dolls that excrete things like urine or vomit or blood or chocolate sauce for whatever reason. But this commercial just leaves no mystery to how things work.
So if you’ve ever wanted to see a child doll’s penis leaking fake urine, congratulations! You can now cross that off your Mr. Bucket list. I don’t know why it’s so cute when a doll does it though. Every time I pull down my pants in front of grade schoolers it’s a “problem” and “arrest” and often “prison sentence” followed by a “Megan’s Law”. These injustices will not be forgotten.
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Aug.27.2008 The August 27 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with flying gymnast fists
Olympic starlet Alicia Sacramone is a menace to society…don’t ever let her punch you in the face, like this dude
-The 5 best drunk women at baseball games (w/ video)
-Stacy Keibler has legs, an awareness of how to use them
-5 movies Vin Diesel didn’t totally suck in. Boiler Room may or may not be featured 5 times
-Danielle Lloyd flashed her ass around in the classiest way possible (NSFW ads)
-Women in 80s workout videos had a certain charm (w/ video)
-Hayden Panettiere swam around in a bikini and perhaps slipped a nip
-Some of the absolute worst fight scenes of all time (w/ video)
-Nokia’s new phone is pretty badass
-Gamers are doing really weird, phallic things with the new Spore video game
-Fight over bananas ends in a father chopping off his son’s hand
-More hilarity with exercise balls: A kid gets smashed in the face in this one (w/ video)
-5 essentials for tailgating
