No this isn’t about my drunken stumbling through Chelsea. Rather, a Principal in South Carolina resigned because he hates faggotry.

Eddie Walker, the principal of Irmo High School in Columbia, S.C., announced his intention to step down to faculty and students on Wednesday, saying he’ll end his tenure following the 2008-09 school year. The decision, outlined in a letter to Lexington-Richland School District 5 officials, said the reason was the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliance Club for students.

“Allowing the formation of this club on our campus conflicts with my professional beliefs and religious convictions,” Walker wrote in the letter, obtained by FOX affiliate WACH-TV.

“I feel the formation of a Gay/Straight Alliance Club at Irmo High school implies that students joining the club will have chosen to or will choose to engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex, opposite sex, or members of both sexes,” he wrote.

In his letter, Walker wrote he prayed about the issue before stepping down and asked board members to “respect my choice as I respect your choice to disagree with me on this issue.”

You know, the dude is being pretty reasonable about the whole thing. It’s not like he walked into the club meeting and yelled “Faggots!” while beating the little nancy boys with their hard plastic dildos. There’s something to be said for a biased Southern guy to be carrying himself with a degree of decorum.

With that said, I found the Gay and Lesbian Alliance or whatever the ‘mo club was at my high school to be utterly obnoxious. I remember one time we had an assembly they through and one of the gay guys talking there had a last name of “Elasser”. It’s like…come on! YOU’RE JUST BEGGING FOR ME TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOU. THEN ANGRILY KISS YOU IN THE LOCKER ROOM AS I’M UNABLE TO COME TO GRIPS WITH WHO I REALLY AM. BUT THEN YOU OUT ME TO ALL MY JOCK FRIENDS BECAUSE I WAS BASHING YOU PUBLICLY BUT SLEEPING WITH YOU IN PRIVATE. DAMN YOU GAYS! Uh. Hi.

That pic game up for “gay high school”. So here we are.

Video games are always a popular target/failsafe to pass the buck and accountability for a crime committed. But a Mortal Kombat murder just seems odd.

A Johnstown teenager has been ordered to stand trial after a 7-year-old girl in his care died in what police said was a beating that imitated the “Mortal Kombat” video game.

A Weld County judge ruled Friday there was enough evidence to warrant a trial for Lamar Roberts, 17, accused of child abuse resulting in the Dec. 6 death of Zoe Garcia and child abuse resulting in serious injury. A trial date will be set after a June 20 court hearing.

Zoe died of blunt-force trauma to the head after she was hit, kicked and slammed to the floor as the teens reportedly re-enacted the video game, authorities have alleged. The two were baby-sitting while the sisters’ mother, Dana Trujillo, 30, was at work.

Roberts later told a friend, Janee Cardenas, “he was doing martial arts on her (Zoe) and that his hands were registered weapons,” Halldorson said.

It’s always pretty smart to brag in really lame ways after killing a 7 year-old. It’s unfortunate that this incident happened because I bet that this Lamar Roberts was a real winner. He could have been many great things. Like a test subject for new medicines. Or perhaps the manager of a poorly trafficked Taco Bell. Truly a shame that he will probably be in jail forever.

I do find it odd though to emulate Mortal Kombat of all games. That game came out like 12 years ago, maybe we should update what we’re going to try to do when murdering people. Or at least be more clever when imitating an old game. For example, the next time I kill someone, I’m going to paint them blue, eat a “power pellet” (not sure yet if it’ll be shrooms, meth, or E), and then eat them alive. Then I’ll wash it down with a nice cherry, ideally one the size of my body. Then you can call me the Donkey Kong Killer, because you’re not too good at getting references.

Miley Cyrus has had some new personal photos leak.

You know, I usually don’t admire people younger than me because either A) They’re not nearly as good at life as I am or B) I hate them because they’re more successful than I am at a younger age. But I think this Miley Cyrus is really different. She’s slutting at a college sophomore level, seemingly can’t keep her clothes on in front of a personal camera, and is probably giving up the cooch every hour like Big Ben (if you’re around her regularly, you can tell when the hour changes by the sound of a bellowing queef).

And the thing is, she doesn’t seem like a social miscreant. Like if anything, she seems like a perfectly normal teenage girl. Which makes this more of a societal epidemic than a reflection on Miley Cyrus. What does this all mean for you? There’s no better time to be a 23 year-old that buys high school girls wine coolers and beer. I get older, they stay the same age…mmmmmm.

[Big ups to Egotastic]

I missed this story this morning but I think you guys know that I’m an industry leading expert when it comes to teenagers doing slutty things. Vague reports say that teens are using cell phones in various sexy ways, including nude pics, more than ever!

Forget about passing notes in study hall; some teens are now using their cell phones to flirt and send nude pictures of themselves.

The instant text, picture and video messages have become part of some teens’ courtship behavior, police and school officials said.

The messages often spread quickly and sometimes find their way to public Web sites.

A study last year found teens are placing more of an emphasis on image and fame than in the past. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University who studies young people’s trends, found that teens are more confident and assertive than ever before.

“Adolescents are not known for thinking things through — that’s a generational constant,” she said. “Now, with the technology that is out there, instead of taking a picture and passing it around the classroom, it’s online, which is a whole different ball game. (Teens) don’t see it that way.”

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out what we’re all thinking when we read this. Oh, not about about the horrors of a misinformed youth that can’t think about consequences and only focuses on getting attention. But rather the immediate instinct that I assume we all had when we read that. Which is to go “Niiiiiiiiice” and lick our lips. Uh, you didn’t have that reaction? Well, yeah…certainly…lost childhood…innocence…is…uh…not sexy at all.

Having a son would seem like it’s pretty status quo. If he’s handsome and well-endowed (like my son would no doubt be since I am a genetic masterpiece), he’s probably really reaping the benefits of this situation and I could live vicariously through him. But having a beautiful daughter (like my daughter would undoubtedly be for the same reasons listed above) would be disastrous. I mean you have to let her go to school and be social so she doesn’t die a lonely spinster whose cat ends up eating her face for weeks because no one cares about her and checked in on her.

I’d probably have to give her like a carrier pigeon or arrows with notes attached to them to communicate with her friends just to make sure she’s not taking nude photos. Then again, she could just do like Maid Marian did for Robin Hood and get paintings of herself in the nude and send them on the back of an ox or a large retarded man. See? The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Some survey was conducted in Florida that revealed interesting findings on the methods of sexual prevention that Florida teens believe in, including drinking bleach to prevent HIV and smoking weed to halt pregnancy. You know you like this story already.

A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.

The survey showed that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant.

State lawmakers said the myths are spreading because of Florida’s abstinence-only sex education, Local 6 reported.

They are proposing a bill that would require a more comprehensive approach, the report said.

I like the way these kids think. You think the first guy to put peanut butter with jelly was thought to be a genius? Or that the guy who was like, “HEY LET’S EAT BACTERIA TO HEAL OUR GERMS” was thought of as logical right away? Maybe these kids are just smarter than you know. Even more important, maybe this means that all this time I’ve been giving underaged girls marijuana before having sex with them, I’ve actually been doing good.

I also hear the rohypnol cures the common cold. You better hope it does.