Dec.03.2008 Jamie Lynn Spears is further proof that teenage girls are idiots
This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. Jamie Lynn Spears apparently had liposuction somewhere in her third through fifth months of pregnancy because she “just thought she was getting fat”.
Jamie Lynn had just finished her hit Nickelodeon show Zoey 101 when she found the weight piling on. Not realizing she was expecting, she pleaded with her mom, Lynne Spears, to let her get liposuction, says a source.
With a five-month-old daughter at home, Jamie Lynn Spears should be celebrating motherhood. Instead, the former TV star is fearful that controversial plastic surgery she had while pregnant could have caused long-term harm to baby Maddie.
“She didn’t know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure,” a second source reveals.
“Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient.” “Any form of liposuction is dangerous and should not be performed on a pregnant woman,” plastic surgeon Dr. Gary Burton tells Star. “It poses serious health risks to the fetus.”
It goes without saying that Jamie Lynn Spears may not be the brightest girl alive, but reacting to three months without a bloody vagina and some weight gain with “Hmm, must be getting fat” is the dumbest shit ever. It’s like walking outside and then rain starts pouring down so you just assume that it must be construction workers pissing on you everywhere you go. But the doctor is even more retarded not only because he gave a young girl lipo, but because he’s a doctor and he saw a bowling bowl welling up in her stomach and was just like, “DUH I DON’T KNOW NUFFIN BOUT NO BABIEZ.” I know they live in Louisiana and a Louisianan doctor is probably no more than a chimp with a stethoscope and a Swiss army knife, but come on.
I will however commend Jamie Lynn for her completely and utterly lazy solution to gaining like 10 pounds. She’s too busy getting pounded without condoms to do a sit-up or not eat double-fried Chocolate Cheetos. Which is inspirational for teenage girls everywhere, really. With her and Miley Cyrus and the various other whore role models running around, if I had a 12 year-old daughter, I’d be surprised if she weren’t getting involved in gang bangs on her way both to and from the abortion clinic because she can’t gain weight or she’d lose her weekend job as a topless dancer. Kids today…so ambitious with their extracurricular activities!
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Dec.03.2008 Holy shit teenage girls are fucking retarded
Everyone knows about cutting and bulimia and whatever (kids: note that bulimia is totally cool if it makes you more attractive) amongst dumb shit teenage girls do. Now a new thing to add to the list: “Self-embedding”. Note: That’s a paper clip embedded in the arms of a girl (seemingly a chubby girl, shocker).
Personnel at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, report extracting 52 foreign objects that 10 teenage girls deliberately embedded in their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks over the last three years, including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass, pencil lead and a crayon.
One patient had inserted 11 objects, including an unfolded metal paper clip more than 6 inches long.
The study, presented Wednesday at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America in Chicago, is the first to report on this type of self-inflicted injury among teenagers, the researchers said. They call the behavior “self-embedding disorder.”
Dr. Elizabeth Berger, a spokeswoman for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, said parents should know that most teens do not injure themselves. But some teens might be at risk, and professionals who work with young people should be made aware of the study, she said.
“The take-home message would be that children who have it tough, carry psychological wounds and disability as the result,” Berger said. “Tortured people internalize the torture.”
That’s pretty fucked up though I think embedding a paper clip is lower priority when compared to someone putting ROCKS inside of them. What the fuck kind of retard do you have to be to think that inserting a rock underneath your flesh would be a good way to ease the pains of not feeling pretty or your dad’s drunkenness or whatever? Don’t these girls know that the way to ease your pain is to live a good life? Or do a lot of drugs? Actually, probably more of the latter. Yeah, definitely drugs.
Look, I’m not saying that I’m without fault. I’ve been known to find naive teenage girls missing something in lives and trying to get them to embed something of mine in them. It distracts them from their other pains for at least 2 minutes. Then I buy them wine coolers because, hey, I enjoy contributing to things including but not limited to delinquency. I’m a giver, what can I say?
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Sep.18.2008 WTF? 12 year-old German boy is now pretty 16 year-old German girl
This is one of the weirdest things I’ve seen this year. A German 12 year-old named Tim Petras underwent a sex change four years ago, making him now the foxy 16 year-old girl Kim Petras. This is shim below.
A GIRL believed to be the youngest person in the world to have a sex change is set to become a pop star.
German Kim Petras – originally called Tim – changed sex after she started hormone treatment at the age of just TWELVE.
Now 16 years old Kim is ready to storm the charts with her first album after landing a record deal.
Kim, who is now officially registered as a female and has long blonde hair and blue eyes, said: “My music is most important to me at the moment. It’s the way I can best express myself.
“I know that because of my past people will always bring up the subject, I can’t get away from it.
“But I hope that one day I might be better known for my music than for my past.”
Look, I’ve seen a lot of fucked up things in my life including but not limited to a man having sex with a dead moose (Dad was always a great hunter) but WHAT THE FUCK. What kind of parent allows their prepubescent child to make that sort of decision? How come this kid can look like this but usual transexuals look like Dennis Rodman with Nerf balls shoved in his chest? Is it more of that German ingenuity I hear about in Volkswagen commercials? Would Hitler approve of this doe-eyed Aryan “girl”? I have so many questions!
Honestly, it’s scary to have sex with “women” knowing that this sort of deceptive little thing is out there. Even scarier than it was before. Did you know girls bleed from an orifice between their legs every four weeks???? Ewwwwwwwwww! Gross!
Jul.03.2008 Launching a baby across the room seems like a good idea
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not much of a fan of having babies at this point in my life, but something about launching a newborn by jumping on a pillow seems like a BAAAAAAD idea.
A Georgia teen is facing child cruelty charges after an online video showed a young man launching a baby several feet across a room using an inflatable pillow.
The video posted on YouTube shows the boy putting a baby on one side of a large yellow pillow and then jumping on the pillow, sending the child flying several feet across the floor, where the baby lands and cries.
“He really had no explanation — just thought it would be funny to put it on YouTube,” Col. Duane Sepp of the Lee County Sheriff’s Office told FOX News. “It’s all about, I guess, that five seconds of glory or whatever, and it’s terrible it has to happen at the cost of an 8-month-old child.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of abortions…first trimester, second, sixth, really any. But this just seems like a classless way to go about it. Killing babies isn’t supposed to be FUN. It’s supposed to be businesslike. Kids these days. No respect for nothin’.
May.22.2008 “Note to self: less gay clubs”
No this isn’t about my drunken stumbling through Chelsea. Rather, a Principal in South Carolina resigned because he hates faggotry.
Eddie Walker, the principal of Irmo High School in Columbia, S.C., announced his intention to step down to faculty and students on Wednesday, saying he’ll end his tenure following the 2008-09 school year. The decision, outlined in a letter to Lexington-Richland School District 5 officials, said the reason was the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliance Club for students.
“Allowing the formation of this club on our campus conflicts with my professional beliefs and religious convictions,” Walker wrote in the letter, obtained by FOX affiliate WACH-TV.
“I feel the formation of a Gay/Straight Alliance Club at Irmo High school implies that students joining the club will have chosen to or will choose to engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex, opposite sex, or members of both sexes,” he wrote.
In his letter, Walker wrote he prayed about the issue before stepping down and asked board members to “respect my choice as I respect your choice to disagree with me on this issue.”
You know, the dude is being pretty reasonable about the whole thing. It’s not like he walked into the club meeting and yelled “Faggots!” while beating the little nancy boys with their hard plastic dildos. There’s something to be said for a biased Southern guy to be carrying himself with a degree of decorum.
With that said, I found the Gay and Lesbian Alliance or whatever the ‘mo club was at my high school to be utterly obnoxious. I remember one time we had an assembly they through and one of the gay guys talking there had a last name of “Elasser”. It’s like…come on! YOU’RE JUST BEGGING FOR ME TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOU. THEN ANGRILY KISS YOU IN THE LOCKER ROOM AS I’M UNABLE TO COME TO GRIPS WITH WHO I REALLY AM. BUT THEN YOU OUT ME TO ALL MY JOCK FRIENDS BECAUSE I WAS BASHING YOU PUBLICLY BUT SLEEPING WITH YOU IN PRIVATE. DAMN YOU GAYS! Uh. Hi.
That pic game up for “gay high school”. So here we are.
Apr.14.2008 Teens are using cell phones in sexy ways
I missed this story this morning but I think you guys know that I’m an industry leading expert when it comes to teenagers doing slutty things. Vague reports say that teens are using cell phones in various sexy ways, including nude pics, more than ever!
Forget about passing notes in study hall; some teens are now using their cell phones to flirt and send nude pictures of themselves.
The instant text, picture and video messages have become part of some teens’ courtship behavior, police and school officials said.
The messages often spread quickly and sometimes find their way to public Web sites.
A study last year found teens are placing more of an emphasis on image and fame than in the past. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University who studies young people’s trends, found that teens are more confident and assertive than ever before.
“Adolescents are not known for thinking things through — that’s a generational constant,” she said. “Now, with the technology that is out there, instead of taking a picture and passing it around the classroom, it’s online, which is a whole different ball game. (Teens) don’t see it that way.”
I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out what we’re all thinking when we read this. Oh, not about about the horrors of a misinformed youth that can’t think about consequences and only focuses on getting attention. But rather the immediate instinct that I assume we all had when we read that. Which is to go “Niiiiiiiiice” and lick our lips. Uh, you didn’t have that reaction? Well, yeah…certainly…lost childhood…innocence…is…uh…not sexy at all.
Having a son would seem like it’s pretty status quo. If he’s handsome and well-endowed (like my son would no doubt be since I am a genetic masterpiece), he’s probably really reaping the benefits of this situation and I could live vicariously through him. But having a beautiful daughter (like my daughter would undoubtedly be for the same reasons listed above) would be disastrous. I mean you have to let her go to school and be social so she doesn’t die a lonely spinster whose cat ends up eating her face for weeks because no one cares about her and checked in on her.
I’d probably have to give her like a carrier pigeon or arrows with notes attached to them to communicate with her friends just to make sure she’s not taking nude photos. Then again, she could just do like Maid Marian did for Robin Hood and get paintings of herself in the nude and send them on the back of an ox or a large retarded man. See? The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Apr.03.2008 Florida teens have great ideas about sex
Some survey was conducted in Florida that revealed interesting findings on the methods of sexual prevention that Florida teens believe in, including drinking bleach to prevent HIV and smoking weed to halt pregnancy. You know you like this story already.
A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.
The survey showed that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant.
State lawmakers said the myths are spreading because of Florida’s abstinence-only sex education, Local 6 reported.
They are proposing a bill that would require a more comprehensive approach, the report said.
I like the way these kids think. You think the first guy to put peanut butter with jelly was thought to be a genius? Or that the guy who was like, “HEY LET’S EAT BACTERIA TO HEAL OUR GERMS” was thought of as logical right away? Maybe these kids are just smarter than you know. Even more important, maybe this means that all this time I’ve been giving underaged girls marijuana before having sex with them, I’ve actually been doing good.
I also hear the rohypnol cures the common cold. You better hope it does.
