Jul.16.2008 NYC trains are like sexy town

I take the train everyday so you can imagine my disappointment when I read a study about the majority of women being groped on trains and I’m somehow not involved.

You’re on the subway, heading to work, when someone rubs up against you in an inappropriate way. In New York City is happens to women more often than you think.

CBS 2 HD has learned the Metropolitan Transportation Authority has no real plan to deal with the problem.

It’s rush hour and the subway is full of people in a hurry to get somewhere. And that’s when it usually happens.

“Somebody came up behind me and touched my butt,” Judith Doren said.

A study by Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer found 63 percent of women surveyed reported being sexually harassed while on subways and another 10 percent said they were sexually assaulted.

The study also found that 69 percent of the women surveyed reported they had felt the threat of sexual assault or harassment while on the city subway system.

“Felt the threat”? Sounds to me like a couple of fatties were sticking their big ol’ butts out and waiting for a grouping which went unfulfilled.

I dunno though, I also feel like this number might be slightly inflated. Like I’m sure I’ve gotten penises all over me on the train (some deliberate, some not; who are you to judge?!?!)…it’s kind of what happens when you’re in extremely close quarters with a couple hundred other people in a 40×10 box. There was a midget on the 6 train the other day and fortunately for him, the train wasn’t packed. Otherwise I would have delicately placed my scrotum on his head. It’s not sexual harassment, it’s a fact of life.

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May.14.2008 Catcalling is fun for everyone involved

I’ve always thought randomly shouting things at women on the street in an effort to bed them was a little bizarre. Apparently, catcalling is simultaneously as awful as and less awful than I built it up to be.

As the weather warms each spring, women — especially in cities with active sidewalk traffic — once again face catcalls from men. It’s a situation some find unnerving and an invasion of their space, while others ignore or are even flattered by.

“I call it street abuse,” says New York City filmmaker Maggie Hadleigh-West, 49. “It’s unwanted attention and invasion of space.”

Yeah I agree. If you’re harassing a 49 year-old woman, you may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Then again, women are kind of delusional about who is or isn’t hitting on them sometimes. It was probably a guy handing out menopause brochures and she was all like, “HEY BUDDY, I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU” and he was like, “Ummm…k!” She was probably really proud of herself that day.

On the other hand, some women appreciate the attention in certain cases, like Jessica, a 31-year-old health-care educator in Los Angeles, who declined to use her last name to protect her privacy. “Yeah, it’s objectifying and all, but you know, if I walked down the street and didn’t have men looking me up and down and catcalling, I’d think, ‘Boy I must really be getting old and dumpy’,” she says.

She’s gotten catcalls just walking her parents’ dog in baggy sweats. “I thought it was hysterical, like, ‘Boy, doesn’t take much to impress you, does it?’”

It’s true. Once you’re 31, you are old and dumpy. However, this really ties into the deep psychological issues inflicted upon women by society. The ills of magazines like Vogue or shows like Sex and the City promote a negative view of women that can make women feel less significant. Or you’re all insecure bitches who constantly need to be told you’re pretty so that you can walk around in life without collapsing on the floor in a pool of tears. Probably the latter.

The site HollaBackNYC.blogspot.com encourages New Yorkers to snap pictures of street harassers and then post them.

Emily May, 27, and six of her friends were inspired to create the site in 2005 after a young New York woman used her camera phone to take a photo of a man who was looking at her while touching himself on the subway. The picture led to his arrest. (Such behavior is, according to New York state law, a misdemeanor offense). The blog has spawned similar sites in other major cities such as Chicago and San Francisco.

The site is a way to encourage dialogue, says May. “I think sites like ours can help women see that they’re not alone, that it happens to women in all walks of life by men in all walks of life, and that it’s not okay.”

It’s time for men to take the power back in the Holla Back infrastructure. Next time you feel compelled to yell something at a woman in an effort to get into her pants, throw a banana at her. She’ll be so confused and the key to bagging hot babes is doing the unexpected. That’s why I like to call rape “Surprise Sex”. Girls love surprises. Makes it sound way more fun, I think.

According to existing studies and her own findings, Kearl says, some men are simply ignorant about how their behavior is perceived. Kearl, who completed her thesis, “Direct Action, Education, Consciousness-Raising, Activism and the Internet: Methods for Combating Street Harassment,” last year, thinks posting on Web sites like HollaBackNYC is preferable to resorting to anger and violence.

“A lot of men have no idea that women don’t like being talked to in this way,” she says. “It never crosses their mind, and yelling doesn’t educate them. If you yell, they often don’t understand why you are upset and so they take it personally.”

If a woman tried to fight be because I said something like, “Hey doll, nice gams!” or something I’d probably just laugh and let her punch me. It’s like letting a kitten swat at you with its little paws. It’s like, “Aww look at the lil kitty! You’re a feisty one aren’t you? Wuzza wuzza.” Though I probably wouldn’t find myself crying later in the night if the kitty refused my sexual advances. Well, not again. Damn sexy cats and your misleading ways.

Apr.18.2008 Indianapolis enjoys sex way more than you

A new study by Men’s Health says that Indianapolis is the most sexually satisfied city in the US.

Forget New York, Los Angeles, or even Miami, Indianapolis is the most sexually satisfied city in the United States, according to a new report.

The Indiana city is followed by Columbus, Ohio, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Cincinnati, Ohio, and Salt Lake City, Utah, in the report by Men’s Health Magazine that ranked the sexual satisfaction of people in 100 cities.

“Maybe they should take the stretch of I-74 that’s linking Indianapolis to fourth-place Cincinnati and hereafter call it ‘America’s Sex Drive’,” said David Zinczenko, the editor of the magazine, referring to the motorway linking the cities.

Researchers analyzed data on condom sales, birth rates from the U.S. Census Bureau and sales figures from two top sex-toy retailers to compile the ranking.

Well, that’s apparently Miss Indiana. So you can see why they’re so sexually satisfied…who doesn’t have an ET the Extra Terrestrial fetish? Nothing gets me going more than an undersized body with a big grape-shaped head and bug eyes. Niiiiiiice.

If anything though, I would question the methodology of Men’s Health. I mean, who’s to say that all those condoms are being used? Their birth rates are so high, maybe there are just condom collectors or people that really like making lubricated balloon animals (and who doesn’t!). I’d also say that more sex toy sales would mean less true sexual satisfaction. For every pocket pussy I fuck, it just means one more Real Vagina filled with disappointment. And lies. And wasted Barbie dolls. Ohhhhh sex with minors, you slay me.