Nov.17.2008 The November 17 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with ceilings
Spiderman is using his powers for evil
-The hottest Hooters waitress in all of Wisconsin
-The week in breasteseses
-Beyonce shows the goods in German GQ
-What are the coolest places to have sex? (worth it for the first comment alone)
-The 10 hottest celebrity female dominatrix scenes (w/ videos, of course)
-Hot sideline reporter finds ways to make herself hotter
-The Kardashians show off their bikinis
-Farabe Cottingham has long legs and fuckme boots
-Tina O’Brien looks good in lingerie
-Every image you need from the Victoria’s Secret fashion show
-Good advice goes bad in this skit with the dude from Will and Grace (funny video)
-The top 20 wrestling moves that sound like sex acts
-Stacy Keibler gives the Meow Mix cat a boner (funny pic)
-The top 50 basketball commercials of all time
-Funny sexual moments in video games (funny video)
-More funny overheard college quotes
-Worst translation fail EVER (funny pic)
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
Sep.23.2008 9 wholly unnecessary licensed children’s products
Just because kids are idiots who’ll buy anything with their favorite character’s face slapped on the box doesn’t mean that toy companies should take advantage of them. Here’s some of the most odious licensed crap to have ever been hawked as “fun” or “worth buying”.
TOYS
WWF Thumb Wrestlers
What boy didn’t grow up and enjoy a flirtation with wrestling at some point in his life? And what boy doesn’t enjoy a good bout of physical competition of any sort? So you tie those two things together, add one plastic Hulk Hogan and one plastic Roddy Piper (because it’s logical to make one of the only free games people can play less cost-effective) and presto! You get this:
At first glance, you’d think Hogan and Piper must have also spent some time in the showers with Kamala because there’s no way of explaining their overly generous rectums otherwise. Fortunately, it’s okay…the holes are actually in the spine of the toys, not the bung. Still, thumb wrestling seems so much less innocent when there’s shirtless men involved and victory seems to entail forcibly sodomizing your opponent.
Spider-Man Web Shooters
One can only assume that Hasbro bought companies that had an excess of both rubber gloves and silly string when releasing this poor excuse for Spider-Man’s web. Or they just wanted a quick buck, which is stunning for a multinational corporation.
You could certainly see the appeal as a child of wanting to be like Spider-Man, with his web slinging him around, sticking from building to building. Then you can see less of an appeal when you actually buy the product and end up with one gloved hand (like Michael Jackson) shooting a sticky fluid at young young male friends while pretending that it’s web (also like Michael Jackson).
BOARD GAMES
The Simpsons Don’t Have a Cow boardgame
Of course, the first thing that comes to mind with The Simpsons is how careful they are with their brand. Matt Groening and 20th Century Fox were never ones to latch the Simpsons name onto any old piece of crap, of course. So clearly a Simpsons dice game is going to be as revolutionary and unique as the show was.
Roll the 8 cubes which have pictures each of the 5 Simpsons. Try to match classic combinations like Homer and Marge, Bart and Homer or the 3 Simpson kids.
Players bet either against or with the dice roller. Losing bets go to the roller, winning bets come from the bank.
So hold on. This isn’t even a board game…it’s not even craps. It’s basically you rolling dice with little yellow people’s faces on them (which, for the record, you had to STICK ON YOURSELF…lazy child laborers at the factory not doing it for me), hoping that certain combinations come up. You wouldn’t see Ashy Larry with such an inferior product in the back alleys of Brooklyn or at the World Series of Dice, I guarantee you that much.
FOOD AND SNACKS
Ninja Turtles Vanilla Pudding Pies
Image: X-Entertainment
I might be completely off base here, but I remember a different version of this pie pictured above that was yellow on the outside with green ooze on the inside. And even if that was just one of my drug-fueled 5 year-old hallucinations (of which there are many), this is still pretty heinous. Green foods of any sort are just gross, even if you’re a little kid and you really enjoy heinous things. Even ketchup, which is pretty much as simple a sell as you can get, couldn’t get something green off the ground…Heinz’s green ketchup line was discontinued in 2006.
Honestly, I don’t know why the Ninja Turtles made such a strong push towards food. I’m not sure how much stock I can put in the flavor habits of mutants who enjoyed thing like peanut butter and sardines on their pizza. Check out some of their other heinous foods here.
Apr.24.2008 The April 24 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with America’s #1 anti-porn advocate
–Craig Gross is one of the leading voices against porn. Consider this a formal introduction. [Uncoached]
–A tattoo implying you’re Spiderman should probably get you shot. [On205th]
–Key football message board analysis. [Loser with Socks]
–Mac G’s World discusses global politics. Insightfully! [Mac G's World]
–Ramses, the mascot for the UNC teams, was usurped of his mascotian throne by his son. How Biblical. [Brahsome]
–Amy Winehouse? Caught with drugs? Naaaaaaaahhhh can’t be. [Hollywood Rag]
