Dec.04.2008 Heidi Montag is in Mexico again

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back in Mexico where they got fake married and I’m posting it because she’s in a bikini and I <3 Heidi Montag's big fake breasts.

I will never understand the hatred people have for Heidi Montag. Yeah she’s a publicity whore and she’s not very talented and she hasn’t really done anything to deserve the modicum of fame she has, but I’d still leave some modi-cum on her huge breasts and dammit that has to count for something in this crazy work-a-day world.

It’s also pretty awesome how she’s done so much with so little. Covers of magazines, countless articles about her, fashion lines and CDs (forget that these failed…hard), it’s all really impressive. It just goes to prove my theory that if you’re a woman willing to get implants and make an ass of yourself publicly, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be famous. In fact, most women should probably just quit their office jobs and dreams of making a difference in the world and just learn to shake their asses for paparazzi and blow the editors of celebrity weekly magazines (or handsome bloggers with a penchant for posting news items solely because they have a girl in a bikini). All this rah rah feminism stuff is pretty tiring, isn’t it ladies? Food for thought (that you can’t eat lest you no longer be physically attractive and thus culturally irrelevant again).

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Sep.18.2008 Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt go visit sick kids

From the Children’s Hospital of Orange County…

So when you’re a sick teenage boy and you hear that Heidi Montag is coming to visit you in the hospital I bet your first reaction is like “Niiiiiice!” Sure, you’re not going to get to have sex with her or anything but maybe she’ll give you a boob touch, best case scenario. Then she comes and you not only do you not get to touch them, she doesn’t even wear a cleavage baring outfit. AND she talks and talks and talks to you. AND you have to listen to Spencer Pratt ramble (prattle?) on about how things will be cool and you’re just like, “Who’s this douchebag and why is he talking to me? I wanted tittays.” And then you realize that you must have done something in a previous life to make God hate you.

Tough break, Reincarnated Hitler.

Aug.04.2008 Heidi Montag sees something worth photographing, Audrina provides boobs

Have you had enough of the big-breasted talentless harlots of The Hills? I’m going to ignore your answer and continue on. From some party celebrating the fact that T-Mobile has cell phones.

Look at that! He’s reading! And it’s not even like a magazine or a Bazooka Joe comic, but an actual book! And Heidi is so proud that she’s filming it, thinking “Golly, one day I’d like to be able to seewords and turn them into thoughts.” Awesome. See kids, reading is FUNdamental! And impressive to busty blondes!

The main event though, as always, is Audrina Patridge’s boobs. Say hi to them in the photos below and see more here. My favorite is the third one. It’s like, “OMG we had no idea you photographers were here! Haha we are just hanging out and being friends, not here for your attention at all! Leave us alone, we value our privacy!”