May.23.2008 KEEP YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON MILEY
Seriously, this is absurd. Miley Cyrus can’t stop herself from slutting it up.
OceanUp says she emailed these pics to Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers while they dated. Which is pretty cool I think because I don’t really know who the Jonas Brothers are but they’re getting 15 year-old sluts worth millions to send images to them. I can’t even get 75 year-old sluts to send dirty pics to me. One day, Leona Helmsley. One day. Wait she’s dead? Oh…well…that explains it.
Also explains why her vag smelled so bad. Aww…awwwwww.
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Apr.21.2008 Miley Cyrus wants to flash you
Miley Cyrus has had some new personal photos leak.
You know, I usually don’t admire people younger than me because either A) They’re not nearly as good at life as I am or B) I hate them because they’re more successful than I am at a younger age. But I think this Miley Cyrus is really different. She’s slutting at a college sophomore level, seemingly can’t keep her clothes on in front of a personal camera, and is probably giving up the cooch every hour like Big Ben (if you’re around her regularly, you can tell when the hour changes by the sound of a bellowing queef).
And the thing is, she doesn’t seem like a social miscreant. Like if anything, she seems like a perfectly normal teenage girl. Which makes this more of a societal epidemic than a reflection on Miley Cyrus. What does this all mean for you? There’s no better time to be a 23 year-old that buys high school girls wine coolers and beer. I get older, they stay the same age…mmmmmm.
[Big ups to Egotastic]
Mar.04.2008 Billy Ray Cyrus did not delete Lindsay Lohan
Reports that Billy Ray Cyrus deleted Lindsay Lohan from Miley Cyrus’s phone are untrue, says the Achy Breaky Heart-ed one.
Billy Ray Cyrus is denying rumors that he deleted Lindsay Lohan’s phone number from daughter Miley Cyrus’s cell phone.
On Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday morning, the Idol host brought up reports claiming that the two young stars met Grammy weekend and traded numbers, but that Billy Ray went through Miley’s phone and erased Lindsay’s digits.
Billy Ray’s response: Not true. “We love Lindsay,” he said.
If my daughter was hanging out with Lindsay Lohan, not only would I delete her number from her phone, I’d probably kill Lindsay Lohan. And you can only kill Lindsay Lohan by separating her head from her body. Then you probably have to have sex with the hole in her neck. But still, a pretty convenient way of murder, I’d say.
Miley Cyrus is already a slut though, so whatever, what more damage can you do? It’s like peeing into a toxic waste dump. Which, ironically, is something Lindsay Lohan totally gets off on.
