May.30.2008 Sex and the City opens today
OMG LADIESSSSSS IT IS THE DAY WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FORRRRRR. Carrie, Samantha, that dykey one who’s actually a dyke, and the kind of cute brunette whose character sucks are all back for one last romp filled with shoes, sex with guys way too hot for them, and boredom. But the good news…Sarah Jessica Parker turns in the finest equestrian performance since that horse that played Seabiscuit.
And fortunately, if people say it, a Web site is made for it. Meet SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com, arguably THE source for all your SJP/horse comparison photos. It seems extra timely since today, everywhere I look is Sarah Jessica Parker’s neighing face, taunting me. “GO SEE MY MOVIE EEEEEHHHAWWWWWW”…wait is that a donkey? “BRRRRR SEE MY MOVIE”…hmm, might be more of a cold horse. I dunno, fuck you guys, you know how a horse sounds.
Anyway enjoy the movies bitches and homos.
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
May.16.2008 Someone should probably run over Sarah Jessica Parker
From one of the premieres of the Sex and the City movie…
Never have I so desperately wished that a photo was the first in a series of a flipbook animation. Would it have killed them to have someone in the car ready to pounce? Or perhaps had it on a slight slope (with a running start, of course) and a convenient error of leaving the emergency brake off?
Anyway the movie’s getting tepid/not awful reviews. I care approximately as much as I would if you got hit by a bus. Like yeah, well, that’s something to know, but it really doesn’t affect me in any way.
[Gawker got robbed here]
Mar.19.2008 Sarah Jessica Parker hates your honesty
Sarah Jessica Parker was named the Unsexiest Woman in the World by Maxim a couple months back. Well now, she’s taking the time to be mad about it.
Sarah Jessica Parker says that both she and her husband, Matthew Broderick, were equally upset when they learned that Maxim had voted the Sex & The City star the “unsexiest woman in the world.”
“It’s so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger,” SJP, 43, told Grazia magazine. “It upset him [Matthew], because it has to do with his judgment too.”
The men’s mag, which voted her No. 1 over runners-up Amy Winehouse, Grey’s Anatomy’s Sandra Oh, Madonna and Britney Spears, likened the golden advertising goddess to a horse.
“Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men’s magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It’s kind of shocking… It’s condemnation, it’s insane. What can I do? I guess you can’t please all people.”
“Do I look like a horse? Absolutely.”
In the interest of fairness, she’s probably not really the Unsexiest Woman in the World. There are women who have like flippers for hands and shit and if they were to touch you, you would instantaneously vomit on your shoes (or stomach depending upon your level of fitness, I suppose). But as far as celebrities go, she kind of looks like something my cat would vomit up after a passionate night of crotch licking. And that’s not what I want from my celebrity women. I want to escape in their beauty. Not get a reminder of how unfair life is because one of the preeminent females responsible for shaping a generation of women looks like she was crafted out of a witch’s rotting corpse mixed with a healthy dose of HGH.
