Jun.05.2008 Rosie O’Donnell is all about snizz

Rosie O’Donnell is a big ol’ lesbian, which would be cool if she didn’t look like one of those marshmallow pillow things you put on your bed. Anyway, she totally wants to munch on Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Angelina Jolie.

Despite their political differences (which lead to many feuds on The View), Rosie O’Donnell finds conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck nice on the eyes!

“Were you not attracted to Elisabeth Hasselbeck?” Howard Stern asked on his Sirius Satellite radio program Monday. “When you look at her physically, you don’t want her?”

“See, the want is the big thing,” O’Donnell responded. “I find her very attractive. She’s very attractive, I think.”

“Her body is perfect,” Stern said.

“Have you seen her biceps?” O’Donnell replied.

But O’Donnell’s true fantasy woman is pregnant Angelina Jolie (who turned 33 today).

“She’s got a little darkness - a little kind of weird sexuality going on,” she told Stern.

I’m sure Angelina Jolie reads this and is like “Wow, I’m so flattered that Rosie O’Donnell of all people would want to be with me. Sure, let me abandon BRAD PITT for that fucking water buffalo because that would obviously be a big upgrade for me.” Plus Rosie would just eat the kids Angelina adopts, confusing them for delicious little chocolate people. She’s just be sitting there with a brown leg out of the side of her mouth while Angelina mutters “Not again…” Ha because she’s fat! And because little third-worlders are delicious.

I was image searching for Elisabeth Hasselbeck and I was kind of disappointed. Did I completely make this up or didn’t she used to be really hot? Like now she kind of looks like that thing that was dissected in Alien Autopsy. It’s probably the ten kids she’s birthed in the past two years, I guess. Stupid kids, always ruining everything I love. Including pedophilia.

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