Dec.04.2008 Dog trapped in a forcefield
Ugh. I sicken myself sometimes but there’s a part of me that can’t help but go “Awwwwwwwww” at a humorous animal video like this. The set-up: a little dog is placed in an area lined by soda cans buuuuut it can’t quite comprehend how to get out.
I think it’s great what organizations like the ASPCA are doing, getting retarded dogs like this one into homes of people who fucking torture it by putting toys in areas the dog can’t comprehend getting to. Sure, the dog could live on a farm and chase squirrels while frolicking in corn fields. Or it could be mocked by some creative assholes who enjoy saving the goodness of sugary drinks for far too long. The choice is pretty simple.
Just for the record I’m not opposed to mocking the human retarded mind you. If you want to tie a Ho-Ho to their head with a stick holding it just out of arm’s reach then have them run around chasing it and yelling gibberish and shitting themselves (the shitting themselves isn’t part of the game, it’s just what they do…like a mating a call. A smelly, messy, embarrassing mating call), then I’m all for it. But dumb dogs? TOO FAR, MAN. TOO FAR.
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Nov.05.2008 I have no words to describe this picture
Judge me if you must but I found this photo, sent to me from our friends at the hilarious Some Comic Relief, to be utterly compelling.
He looks just like a Ninja Turtle! Which turtle was the one with the nunchuks though…was it Downsyndromatello? Oh that doesn’t matter!
Seriously though, if I had a couple spare chromosomes lying around, I’d absolutely give him one. He does seem pretty happy though. Presumably when he’s not out there kicking ass, taking names, and ruining family portraits. He’s all business then. And drool. Mostly business, partly drool.
Aug.12.2008 Retards do not enjoy your Hollywood film
If there’s one special interest group I’d hope would have a sense of humor about themselves it’d be the retarded. They took a break from eating crayons and disappointing their parents to demand a poorly-spelled boycott of the the new film Tropic Thunder (primarily based around Ben Stiller’s character’s portrayal of a retard in the faux film Simple Jack). Note: Christine Taylor, pictured below, is not retarded.
An estimated 200 demonstrators, some in wheelchairs, picketed Monday night’s premiere of Tropic Thunder to protest the movie’s use of the word “retard” and what they consider its offensive portrayal of people with intellectual disabilities. By the time the movie started the crowd was down to about 50 people.
Carrying placards that read “Tropic Thunder Colossal Blunder” ,”Ban the Movie, Ban the Word”, “The R Word is Hate Speech” and “DreamWorks Mean Works”, referring to the studio that released the film, the Los Angeles premiere drew a collection of people representing several national and state groups.
“It’s supposed to be a parody, but it’s really a mockery of the word ‘retarded’,” said Myra Davola, of ARC (Advocacy, Respect and Commitment to people with intellectual and other developmental disabilities) of California. “It’s setting us back. It’s purposeful and hateful to people that have disabilities.”
“What does the film mean for young people?” said Victor Pineda, a youth advisor for the National Council on Disabilities,based in Washington DC. “It means we can be afraid of things we don’t know and use words without thinking and without repercussions…We’re not against humor. We love humor. But let’s understand the humor that we’re using.”
Yeah, that’s a pretty good point. The retard organizations should be able to understand the humor that they’re using. And the financial systems. And the way a car works. And the sound a cow makes. And how to go a day without drooling on themselves and yelling the same word over and over again. But they don’t understand any of those things. So when you choose to be retarded, you should probably get that these are the concessions you have to make.
More attractive women at the premiere of Tropic Thunder, including Cyborg Katie Holmes with Tom Cruise, below. From L to R, Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise, Rashida Jones, Maria Menounos, Alisha Silverstone.
UPDATE: Just saw this on MTV.com and it made me laugh out loud:
“Movies about the mentally retarded is something we talked about for a long time. My grandfather was adopted by a mentally retarded man, a man who shouldn’t have been allowed to adopt a kid,” [Tropic Thunder co-writer Etan] Cohen revealed. “When he saw ‘Forrest Gump,’ you never saw a guy angrier than him. It was not such a picnic to be raised by that guy.”
If that is true or a joke, it’s awesome either way.
Aug.08.2008 The August 8 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with pole skills
Here’s how NOT to catch a long football pass.
-Some Olympians look sort of like retards…
-…while other female Olympians just look terrifying
-Calvin has replaced Hobbes with Steve Jobs
-“Angelina Jolie Naked Video” is less appealing than previously thought
LINK OF THE DAY: Faceplant Friday (w/ video)
-Man has sex with steel bench, almost loses penis
-Miss Universe 2008 Dayana Mendoza is rather attractive
-Everyone hates Wisconsin
-MLB pitchers play awesome pranks
-How to use your brain to get laid
-Babies love strippers
-Audrina Patridge has more side boob than is legally allowed
-12 ways to become an utter failure at work
Jun.12.2008 Deer is Unicorn, Chris is confused
There’s some deer in Italy getting a lot of attention today and, surprisingly, it’s not because he’d make delicious Venison Parmesan (which he would). It’s because he has one horn coming out of his head, which makes him look like a unicorn.
The shy, young deer nicknamed “Unicorn” because of the rare, single horn growing out of the center of his head has drawn hundreds of unicorn lovers to Tuscany since his media debut, park officials said Thursday.
Visitors are flocking to the nature preserve in Tuscany where Unicorn lives hoping to capture images of the mammal drawing comparisons to the mythical animal.
“We have received so many calls from people and many are coming to see it,” said Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, near Florence. “Sometimes he comes close to the fence, even if he is very shy.”
The year-old Roe Deer was born in captivity with an apparent genetic flaw that resulted in a rare single horn in the middle of his head, Tozzi said. His twin, in contrast, has two horns.
I just want to point out that unicorns are HORSES, not DEER. And they’re majestic and pretty and have rainbow hair and I would call mine Majesty if my parents didn’t suck and were incapable of buying me a unicorn when I was a child. She would be so pretty and I would love her and feed her oats and elf entrails because I assume that unicorns find that delicious and key for them to maintain their special powers.
Anyway, where I come from, we’d call this deer a genetic anomaly or, in laymen terms, a “retard” or “retard mutant.” If I was born with one horn, you wouldn’t think I was so fucking magical, would you? You’d be like, “Dude. What up with that horn?” Same thing with when my mother was killed by a hunter on film. What the fuck do I have to do to get all the breaks that a deer gets? I’m more than willing to lick some salt or prance around. SOMEONE TELL ME.
Apr.02.2008 Third grade retards are crafty
Some 3rd graders in special ed classes in Georgia plotted to kill their teacher, but were “thwarted” by school officials. Story of the year? Perhaps.
The students allegedly brought to school a broken steak knife, a roll of duct tape, handcuffs, ribbon and a crystal paperweight in a bid to kill their teacher, Belle Carter, the paper reports.
“We did not hear anybody say they intended to kill her, but could they have accidentally killed her? Absolutely,” Tanner said. “We feel like if they weren’t interrupted, there would have been an attempt. Would they have been successful? We don’t know.”
The children, ages 8 and 9, were apparently mad at the teacher because she had scolded one of them for standing on a chair, Tanner said.
“It’s our understanding that she did in fact discipline one of the students, and they did not like it, he told FOX News. “After that, she began to plot revenge on the teacher.”
Tanner told FOX News not all of the students were in on all the details of the allegedly plot.
“We believe that some of them knew the entire plot and some of them were … just asked to bring other items in but they might not have realized the entire plot,” he said.
That last quote is kind of amazing in every way. Some of them didn’t realize? No way! I find that hard to believe.
A broken steak knife, roll of duct tape, handcuffs, ribbon and a crystal paperweight? Wow, they’re like a troupe of retarded little MacGuyvers. Or maybe they just brought that in for lunch. Who can tell! Retarded kids are so savvy!
Anyway, frankly, if you get outfoxed by a group of retarded third graders, I’m pretty sure you deserve to die. That’s like standing under a cartoon anvil that weighs two tons. Sure, that coyote looked trustworthy and handsome, but you should know better. You really should.
