Nov.14.2008 “Second Life” relationship leads to real life divorce
Video games lead to divorce! Families torn apart by virtual infidelity! Oh woe is me!
A couple have divorced after the husband was caught having a “virtual affair” with a female character in an online game.
David Pollard and Amy Taylor met in an online chat room in 2003 and married after discovering a shared love of the internet game Second Life.
In the game, players create characters known as avatars, which then interact with others in a virtual world. To his wife’s horror, Mr Pollard’s interaction included virtual infidelity with a female character playing the role of a prostitute. Ms Taylor said yesterday that her husband had been guilty of the “ultimate betrayal”, even though he had never met the real person behind his online affair.
The lovely virtual couple and the even lovelier real life couple are pictured above. It’s reasonably absurd that something like this would happen, but I guess there’s something to be said about the damage that a spiritual affair can do…it’s almost as hurtful as a physical one, if not moreso. So yes, this is a rare occasion…I’m taking a woman’s side. I know, I know, I’m sorry.
In related news, I jerked off to Ms. Pac Man. The way she gobbled those bananas…she knew what she was doing. Slut.
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Nov.06.2008 The 10 worst movies to get for your girlfriend this holiday
It’s the holiday season and, if you’re an atypical man, you might be already trying to think of movies that you’ll want to get your girlfriend or wife or mistress for the holidays. In an effort to help, here’s 10 you should avoid at all costs if you want your girl to not think you’re a complete sociopath.
Lolita
1962
Premise: Man moves into a woman’s house solely to bone a woman’s daughter.
Now I know what you’re thinking…a film in which a man completely disregards the overtures of an older woman for the luring appeal of her 14 year-old daughter; why would my significant other not go for that? Well here’s the thing, when you’re a woman, you’re basically like a beat up old Dodge Rambler just waiting for your owner to get sick of all your blown gaskets and leaky fluids. That’s just science. But when you’re a beat up Dodge Rambler being replaced by a Dodge Rambler that’s just 20 years younger, looks fairly similar, and doesn’t have a loose tailpipe, you’re just being a dick.
Probable kicks to groin: 4
The Accused
1988
Premise: Jodie Foster gets raped. Hard. The rapists eventually get jailed though, so that’s cool.
Here’s how you’d try to sell the movie The Accused to your girlfriend if she hadn’t heard of it.
“So what’s this movie about, honey?”
“Well Jodie Foster is kind of a slut. But she’s not a bad person.”
“Um. Ok.”
“Anyway, she gets raped really hard on a pinball machine…”
“Why do you want me to watch this????”
“LET ME FINISH. IT’S A REAL FEEL GOOD MOVIE BECAUSE THE RAPISTS GET CONVICTED IN THE END.”
“I hate you.”
“Fine. But can we still get the pinball machine?”
Probable kicks to groin: 3 and a girly punch
Swordfish
2001
Premise: Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry are hackers or some shit.
Any time the primary selling point for a movie is, “Baby, have you ever wondered what Halle Berry’s tits look like?” you’re probably not going to find yourself in the best place with your lovely lady. On the plus side though, Hugh Jackman is pretty sexy. I mean like, plus side for your chick. Not you. I guess sometimes we all want a powerful man with adamantium in his body to hold us. Nothing wrong with that. It’s not gay if he’s a mutant.
Probably kicks to groin: 1…she totally wants to check out Halle Berry too
Nov.04.2008 New lingerie has GPS in it, makes women all feministy
A new line of lingerie with GPS tracking capabilities has ladies all in a tizzy because women get all emotional when they have their periods. Or because it’s an invasion of privacy. Either/or.
Feminists around the world have reacted with horror to a new line of lingerie that comes equipped with a GPS tracking system.
The ‘find me if you can’ range of underwear has been described as a modern-day, high-tech chastity belt.
‘It is outrageous to think that men can buy this, programme it and give it to their partners and then monitor them,’ said Claudia Burghart, leader of a Berlin feminist group.
‘It is nothing more than a chastity belt for insecure men.’
Sure, it’s an invasion of privacy. But you know what’s more of an invasion of privacy? The alternative, in which I shove a Lojack device in your vag. Yeah, not such a bad idea now, is it?
And what does the tracking help anyway? Yes, you’ll see your chick on a map, but who gives a shit? It’s not like you can look at the map and see “Cowboy Joe’s Big Black Dick House of Adultery” as the location where she’s at.
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Jun.02.2008 Men like being single more than a crappy marriage
Hey girls, think your man is a commitment-phobe? Turns out he’s not; he just thinks you suck.
Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single — and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage — but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
“Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all,” Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
This really all ties into my mantra with women. I adhere to the idea that it’s not me, it’s you. I was made flawlessly in every way, primarily emotional and physical, so clearly any problems that arise are a result of the fact that you’re incapable of being on the same level. And it’s unfortunate. I blame ovaries, personally. It’s like, hey, if I wanted eggs and a bad attitude, I’d go to the diner my mom works at. And I’d get a bonus of spit and a guilt trip.
Marriage in general kind of sucks though, especially if you’re a successful man and you’re marrying some normal slut. It’s like being penalized for your success. Take for example the situation with former NJ Governor Jim McGreevey, where it came out that he likes to diddle dudes and, of course, he got divorced from his wife. Now he’s basically broke and she’s like “I’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle” (by which I assume she means wealth and not your husband coming home with bleach on his breath and a song in his step). This is why I wouldn’t have been a good judge. I’d be like “Shit happens baby doll” and then throw my gavel at her nose. At least you knew my court room would be a good show. Then again, I’d probably be the first judge arrested for assault in my own court room. You win some, you lose some I guess. That’s what they taught imaginary me in imaginary law school. I also have a pony there!
