Oct.17.2008 Drug-addict hookers in Massachusetts have great business sense
People always say hookers are lazy and just make money in the easiest way possible but I say they’re entrepreneurs with very wide vaginas. Take this for example.
Haverhill police have arrested two women they say were offering sex for a fee in an apartment across the street from a Roman Catholic church.
Sgt. John Arahovites told the Eagle Tribune police learned of the alleged operation because of neighbors’ complaints and described the house a “busier than a fast-food drive-through.”
He says the women needed the money to feed their drug habits.
Police say 41-year-old Johna Sibley and 45-year-old Lisa Gaziano were charged with knowingly permitting the premises to be used for prostitution, sexual conduct for a fee and keeping a noisy and disorderly house.
Now imagine…if only they had offered burgers AND holy water in their sex house! They’d have controlled the market across the board. And been the only place to get a Vagina Sandwich value meal with a refreshing glass of Jesus’ blood. How can you top that?
Kind of says a lot though that these two weathered old drug whores were the hoppingest place in town. I’d rather fuck an old shoe or a big class of chlamydia than either of those two. In fact, I have.
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Oct.14.2008 Girl selling virginity has a price: Around $3.8 million
Remember Natalie Dylan, the college girl auctioning off her virginity to pay for “school” or “drugs” or whatever? Well, she’s got a going rate now: somewhere between $1 million and $3.8 million.
According to the Dennis Hof, owner of the whorehouse subsidizing the mission, the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, Dylan’s got a couple offers.
“We have offers from $1 million to $3.8 million, and we have started collecting deposits,” Dennis exclusively tells Scandalist. But the highest bidder won’t necessarily win Natalie’s heart, and virginity. As Natalie told Scandalist, she won’t do the deed with just anyone, but hopes to find someone who “seems intelligent.” Although her personal top pick, Barack Obama, has not placed a bid, Natalie has some excellent potential first-time partners.
Dennis said, “There are a few people she likes. She has been e-mailing and talking on the phone with several men. She wants to be comfortable.” With the possible $3.8 million Natalie could receive, surely she will be more than comfortable.
Well, it’s great to see that the vagina futures market has rallied along with the rest of the stock market, but that’s just silly. To think that some girl who’s willing to allow some random, probable mess of a man would forego an extra $2.8 million just because one guy “felt more right” is kind of absurd. You know what’d feel right? Taking a dip in a pool full of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck. I mean, theoretically. It’d probably be kind of painful. In fact, I don’t know how a fairly small duck was able to swim through piles of solid gold. Seems like you’d hurt yourself more often than not. Those ducks have some life.
Aside: In terms of future forecasting, I expect the price for her second time having sex to decline about, oh, 3800%. It’s not really a renewable resource. That’s why you have to have multiple daughters to sell on the black market. It’s science.
Sep.05.2008 Owner of unlicensed “lap dance club” charged with prostitution
When I think of a reputable place filled with classy people, I think of an unlicensed strip club in a dark alleyway of Manhattan. So you can imagine my shock when the owner of such an establishment was charged with prostitution.
A lawyer who operated a New York City lap dance club has been indicted on charges of promoting prostitution and laundering money.
Prosecutors say 52-year-old Louis Posner ran the unlicensed Hot Lap Dance Club in Manhattan and made more than $726,000 there from January through June.
They say he split prostitution fees with some of the club’s dancers, who charged $20 and up for lap dances and up to $5,000 for sex.
Prosecutors say Posner was at the club nightly and sometimes had sex with the dancers.
Posner and his 57-year-old wife also are charged with falsifying business records. Prosecutors say Betty Posner helped hide cash generated by the club.
I guess you’d hope that a lawyer would understand the tremendous illegalities he’s undertaking with this venture, but when you’re a wealthy lawyer, why not set up a club that will make you a shitload of money and provide you with some scandalous stripper hole on the side? I dare say that’s the American dream…at least as presented to me through The Sopranos.
On the plus side, it’s nice to know that places like this still exist. Uh, not to frequent them. Too expensive. I mean, classless. Yes. Classless.
Sep.03.2008 African prostitutes are magical!
Scientists have discovered that some Kenyan prostitutes may be immune to AIDS. What does this mean to you other than that perhaps you can have unprotected sex with more Kenyan whores? Read on!
Seriously if you expect me to search out pics of African prostitutes, you’re sadly mistaken
Researchers in Canada report discovery of unusual proteins in a small group of Kenyan sex workers that appear to be associated with resistance to infection with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
The discovery could lead to the improved design of vaccines and drugs to fight the deadly virus, which infects an estimated 40 million people worldwide, the scientists say in a new report.
In the new study, Adam Burgener and colleagues note that 140 of more than 2000 sex workers studied in Nairobi, Kenya, appear resistant to HIV infection. Although evidence suggests that certain biological factors in their vaginal fluid may play a role in resistance, the exact identity of these substances was unclear.
The scientists used a high-tech analytical method to compare differences among proteins in vaginal fluids from HIV-resistant women and those infected with the virus or susceptible to it. HIV-resistant women had proteins significantly different from other women. Vaginal fluids of the HIV-resistant women had higher levels of proteins with anti-viral and anti-inflammatory actions.
Sure, this research is valuable, but I bet the taste test portion of things was probably less than desirable.
I do wonder how the scientists found out about this though. Did someone take a special “research” trip to Kenya? Did a scientist get caught by his wife looking up black hookers and then have to cover it up with this elaborate story about researching HIV-resistant African hookers? Inquiring minds need to know!
Aug.25.2008 The August 25 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with a shot to the throat
This intelligent young man took a shot to the back of his throat with a paintball gun. Kids these days are so smart
-Giada DeLaurentiis cooks for the Food Network, has mesmerizing cleavage (w/ video)
-A bikini moment with Ali Larter
-Fox brings Human Tetris to America (w/ video)
-A Mexican restaurant will help you learn about prostitution
-Andy Roddick and the Undertaker are finally fighting (w/ video)
-Hayden Panettiere wears thongs, accidentally exposes them
-Mr. Met intimidates the fuck out of a Yankees fan (w/ video)
-Jeff Garcia’s Playboy Playmate wife is quite attractive
-Nina Moric has a very small bikini
-Your college football fan to-do list
-A final look at your Olympic cheerleaders
-What will Jennie Finch do now that she’s an Olympic loser?
Jul.29.2008 The July 29 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with SUPER prostitutes
-Model cum stripper cum prostitute? MUST READ ARTICLE
-Natalie Portman is in an Indian music video…why ask questions I guess (w/ video)
-Mac G’s World has a correspondent at the Olympics
-Revolving doors can be problematic (w/ video)
LINK OF THE DAY: The Life and Times of William Hung
-Pastor crashes his motorcycle in church (w/ video)
-New Detroit Piston Kwame Brown is a swindler
-More on the Windjammer Bikini Contest (w/ video)
-Is Adam Sandler taking craps in public?
-Darwin award nominees do dumb, life-threatening shit (w/ video)
-Arnold Schwarzenegger motivates the Olympians headed to Beijing with garbled English (w/ video)
-Autumn Reeser, formerly of The OC is still absurdly hot and will always get a link
-Ali Lohan already has huge boobs (NSFW ads)
Jun.27.2008 Prostitute trades her pimp for pizza
Via Fark comes this charming tale of classy people doing classy things. A judge bought a whore a pizza to reveal her pimp to the court.
When inmate Caressa Brunelle came before a judge Wednesday to be released, Brunelle reminded the judge she was owed a pizza.
So, Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Nadine Allen sent someone to pick up a $5 personal pizza at the Downtown Donato’s and let Brunelle eat it in court.
The pizza was Brunelle’s reward for telling Allen who her pimp was, information Allen used to have the alleged pimp - Jason Lee - arrested.
“I felt that a pizza for a pimp was a good (trade),” the judge said Thursday.
“She was all ecstatic and she said, ‘Oh yeah, you owe me a pizza,’ ” Allen said.
Allen was pleased to pay up.
“I wish other prostitutes would come forward and reveal their pimps. Pizza is cheaper than what we pay for undercover (investigations). Of course, you understand I’m being facetious,” the judge said.
The fuck? A $5 personal pizza? This dick couldn’t even spring for a full pie for this poor cum dumpster who lost the main man in her life? And isn’t this illegal somehow? He totally bribed her to get her to give up info. That seems kind of messed up, even if the stakes are low and the pimp is a scumbag. On the other hand, pizza is pretty delicious. I had a lot of it last night. AND I didn’t have to sell out the guy who made me suck dicks for money. Point Chris!
