Jul.28.2008 DEVELOPING: Kim Kardashian has feet?

A real stunner comes out of Malibu today…It appears that not only does Kim Kardashian continue to exist once you get past her huge Big Mac-aided ass, but she even appears to have lower extremities, including but not limited to feet! Who knew?

We all know my thoughts on Kim Kardashian and how I feel like having sex with her would be like fucking Little Miss Muffet’s tuffet, but what we don’t know is my thoughts on the following: Pirate fetishes. I know that it must be out there. But seeing Kim Kardashian with one boot on, hobbling around like a old seaman ready to “loot me plunder” and leave barnacles all over my back makes me wonder where the pirate fetishes are in mainstream media? I’m sick and tired of not being able to jerk off to pirates. Um. Theoretically. Put your pants back on, Red Beard.

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May.19.2008 You may not be ready for UFC, sirs

Via MMAmania comes this extremely short fight from something called Legends of Fighting, ending in an embarrassing double knockout.

I really feel like this has to be fake. The guy on the right getting knocked out appears to have gotten knocked out in a way similar to how a Broadway performer would get “knocked out” in a performance of West Side Story. And like how bad do you have to be at your job for this to happen? I’ve always thought that getting hit and not like collapsing in a pathetic fashion was an important part of professional fighting. It’s like if I start a new job as a pirate and I come into work and not only do I not have a parrot, but also I’m Asian so I can’t say “Arrrrr” all the time because it comes off as “Alll” and everyone I interact with gets confused pretty quickly. It’s like “Whoa buddy, let’s get the fundamentals in place here.”