Taylor Momsen is one of the stars of the buzzworthy-no-ratings-receiving show Gossip Girl. And this week she received her own episode! Look at her, looking all…bright…in her canary yellow jacket.

Still 14. She’s probably really excited to go to her freshman prom. Hopefully her monthlies don’t start before then!

Oh no. Leave me alone Interpol, I did nothing wrong!!!

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Some guy who diddled boys in Southeast Asia (who doesn’t diddle boys in Southeast Asia though?) was arrested by Interpol. Click that link just to see the guy’s photo so you can go, “Yeah, that’s what a pedophile looks like.”

Police detained a suspected pedophile in New Jersey Thursday, just two days after Interpol made a rare appeal for public help in the international manhunt to catch him, the police agency said.

Wayne Nelson Corliss, 58, was detained in Union City, N.J., Interpol said. He is suspected of sexually abusing at least three boys from Southeast Asia thought to have been as young as 6 to 10 years old, the international police agency said.

Interpol had asked for the public’s help because two years of police investigations had failed to determine the man’s identity, nationality and whereabouts.

It was only the second time that Interpol had launched such a public manhunt for a suspected pedophile. The first time, in October, led to the quick arrest by police in Thailand of Christopher Paul Neil, a 32-year-old Canadian.

Whoa whoa…you can get arrested for pedophilia? I always thought people said that pedophilia was arresting…oh boy. I really misinterpreted that one. Welp. I guess I’ll just uh put on my fedora and take a little walk. What’s the name of that site for travel deals to places where fugitives can hide out? I need to find out for…research. Yes. Research.

I have to admit, it’s been fun to call Miley Cyrus a slut for doing dumb teenage girl things that any girl would do, like taking slutty pictures or…taking more slutty pictures. But now she’s just making it too easy: she’s got a topless photo in the June issue of Vanity Fair.

Miley Cyrus fans will get to see a different side of the pop sensation in June’s Vanity Fair, and it’s a side she apparently has second thoughts about revealing.

The 15-year-old actress/singer posed for celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz for the issue, on sale in New York and Los Angeles on Wednesday and nationwide May 6, and in one shot, Cyrus is clad in just a blanket. In a caption running with the image, Disney’s Hannah Montana star tells VF, “I think it’s really artsy. It wasn’t in a skanky way. Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought that was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie. She’s so cute. She gets this puppy-dog look and you’re like, OK.’ ”

But on Sunday, Cyrus had a change of heart. “I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed,” she said in a statement issued by her publicist, Jill Fritzo. “I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

Disney Channel also took the offensive by issuing a statement. “Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines.”

Wait, there’s something wrong with digitally manipulating a 15 year-old girl? You can’t tell where my fingers have been, so I find that highly dubious! Oh…deliberately. Sorry.

Call me crazy, but I’m thinking some clever pedophile out there killed Annie Leibovitz and wore her skin as a costume.

“Annie, why are you rubbing your genitals so furiously,” asked poor Miley.
“Oh, psoriasis of the groin my dear. Here, you hold this sheet over your little girly bosoms. That’s nice. Mmmmmrmmm.”
“Annie, are you okay? It looks like yogurt is leaking out of your old lady dress.”
“UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!” (that’s how I assume a pedophile sounds when cumming. Feel free to correct me).

Today is national Take Your Child to Work Day! And you know what that means: Pedophilic glances at your daughter! And also, familial bonding. So after your child had found out that you do nothing other than update your fantasy baseball team, masturbate to internet porn, and hit CTRL TAB a lot to look like you’re working on something important (conveniently enough at the exact moment someone enters your workspace), what can you do?

Well, if you’re a parent of a teen working at McDonald’s, you can go to work with them!

Today, New York Tri-State Area McDonald’s restaurants celebrate the inaugural Take Your Parent to Work Day. A creative twist on the more traditional Take Your Child to Work Day on April 24, Take Your Parent to Work Day was conceived by area McDonald’s to celebrate the supportive parents that help make McDonald’s Crew members the best in the business. Across the area, McDonald’s employees are
encouraged to bring their parents to work and show them the fun and the variety of experiences that go into a day at McDonald’s. Not only do parents have the chance to see the work their children do, but they can be a part of the McDonald’s team for a day and learn how each restaurant functions as a whole from food prep through the work of McDonald’s supportive managers.

“We are thrilled to launch Take Your Parent to Work Day,” said Paul Hendel, president of the McDonald’s New York Tri-State Area Owners/Operators Association. “It’s going to be an enjoyable day for parents, employees and customers, but most importantly it’s a chance to showcase the teamwork, ability and dedication of our teams at McDonald’s. We think everyone, parents and McDonald’s crew members alike, will learn something new about themselves from this experience.”

Ooh, exciting! For the first time, not only can you be ashamed of your child, you can be ashamed of your child LIVE! It’s like having a reality show of all your disappointments of a parent. Only with 80% more hamburgers being dropped into rat feces and a character named Ricky who smells of homegrown plants and takes frequent “breaks to ’smoke marijuana’”. Ronald McDonald…you know what’s up!

I went to work with my dad a couple times when I was younger. It was a reason to not go to school, whatever. Anyway I realized my dad didn’t really “do anything” other than get breakfast and hang out. I’m not going to say that’s the day I completely lost faith in society, but it’s certainly one of them. Anyway happy worthless holiday!

You know what’s awesome? That title is totally misleading. She bought some gum for her kid that says I Heart Penis. Take that Angelina Jolie! Our rivalry is renewed!

The day before Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finalized their adoption of 4-year-old son Pax, Angelina spent the afternoon with son Maddox, Us Weekly reports in its latest issue, on newsstands now.After treating him to a matinée of The Spiderwick Chronicles at Hollywood’s ArcLight theater, they hit the gift shop.

Six-year-old Maddox picked out a pack of gum labeled “I [Heart] My Penis.”

“[Angelina] laughed and bought it,” a witness told Us.

Whatever, I feed little boys tons of penis all the time and I don’t get an article on US Magazine about it.

See kids, sometimes it’s the easiest joke that’s the most effective. Hooray pedophelia!