Aug.18.2008 Lisa Rinna brings pokies, bikini to wash her car
I’m not going to act like I’m an expert on manual car washing, but these “leaked ‘paparazzi’ photos” of Lisa Rinna just perplexed me.
I get washing your car, I get using a hose and leaning around. I even get wearing a bikini while doing it. But seriously, a gold bikini with aroused nips? It’s like you’re not even trying to pretend that your privacy is being invaded. When I want to pretend like I wasn’t expecting someone to be watching, I always go like, “Oh wow! I didn’t expect to see you! This is a violation of my privacy” and such. It really throws people off your track. Because even if they don’t believe what you’re saying, the fact that you’d act disgusted makes them more than willing to pretend that you AAAALWAYS walk around with your bathrobe undone stroking your genitals and offering to give women “free mustache rides.” Let me live my life, PAPARAZZO.
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Aug.01.2008 Paparazzi may need to chill the fuck out in LA
Los Angeles is overrun by two types of insects: celebrities and paparazzi. Since one group is perceived as awesome and the other is perceived as scum and the sides can’t seem to get along, clearly one has to go.
A city task force convened Thursday morning to tackle a serious public safety threat that has resulted in broken toes, beach brawls and, apparently, the unfortunate trend of movie stars naming their children after fruit.
The perpetrators: ravenous bands of paparazzi. The proposed solution: new laws to rein them in.
Earlier this year, City Councilman Dennis Zine proposed an “anti-paparazzi” ordinance that would protect celebrities and the public from aggressive paparazzi by creating a “personal safety zone,” between the photographers and their subjects. On Thursday, task force members, including representatives from the cities of West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Malibu and Calabasas; actors and singers; and Sheriff Lee Baca of Los Angeles County testified in City Hall about the issue.
The problem of aggressive photographers was framed as a matter of public safety (the photographers “travel in packs, run red lights and make unsafe U-turns,” said the mayor of Malibu, Pamela Ulich), economic hardship (it costs local police departments a lot of manpower to police Chez Spears) and personal privacy (“My biggest concern about this issue is my right to say no,” said the actor Milo Ventimiglia).
This inability to say no is a pretty big deal to Milo. For example, when someone said, “Wouldn’t you love to get into that underaged costar of yours Hayden Panettiere?” and “You should do it, she’s right there…statutory rape laws be damned!” clearly he was incapable of saying no. It’s all the paparazzi’s fault!
Not to play devil’s advocate, but I think paparazzi make the world way more awesome. I never have to deal with them or even see them, yet they harass people who are more successful than I am and often get photos of their boobs. If anything, we should force celebrities into gallows and make them be photographed. With their shirts off. Niiiiiice.
[Also how will I ever see Kim Kardashian, pictured above, again? Not like she ever does anything noteworthy other than parade her big ass for paparazzi to photograph. Sigh, the man is always harshing my buzz.l]
Jun.02.2008 Lindsay Lohan can’t keep her skirt down
From the MTV Movie Awards…
On the plus side, she’s wearing underwear. On the down side, she’s wearing underwear.
Perhaps that’s how Lindsay ends up in all these less-than-desirable male entanglements. She physically can’t keep her skirt down. So maybe instead of bashing her for whorishness, you should empathize with her pain. She has a serious disability that makes her skirt fly upwardly at the drop of a hat. Which is why the paparazzi are always wearing hats, I presume. Hats with little cards in them that say “Press”. And they say things like, “What’s the scoop, dame?” Oh celebrity photo stalkers, you’re such cards.
[Photojack from the Daily Mail]
