Nov.04.2008 New lingerie has GPS in it, makes women all feministy
A new line of lingerie with GPS tracking capabilities has ladies all in a tizzy because women get all emotional when they have their periods. Or because it’s an invasion of privacy. Either/or.
Feminists around the world have reacted with horror to a new line of lingerie that comes equipped with a GPS tracking system.
The ‘find me if you can’ range of underwear has been described as a modern-day, high-tech chastity belt.
‘It is outrageous to think that men can buy this, programme it and give it to their partners and then monitor them,’ said Claudia Burghart, leader of a Berlin feminist group.
‘It is nothing more than a chastity belt for insecure men.’
Sure, it’s an invasion of privacy. But you know what’s more of an invasion of privacy? The alternative, in which I shove a Lojack device in your vag. Yeah, not such a bad idea now, is it?
And what does the tracking help anyway? Yes, you’ll see your chick on a map, but who gives a shit? It’s not like you can look at the map and see “Cowboy Joe’s Big Black Dick House of Adultery” as the location where she’s at.
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Oct.22.2008 Keeley Hazell…much better looking without a shirt
From some bullshit Nokia event in London…
Now, of course, to the majority of men who don’t like getting various cylindrical objects inserted into their rectums, most women look better nude than they do in clothes. It’s science. But Keeley Hazell in particular just looks fucking wack when compared to how she looks topless. Now I’m not saying that she needs to walk around in the nude all of the time, but maybe dressing like a librarian with breast cancer wouldn’t be the best way to keep me interested beyond topless photo shoots. I’d rather jerk off to the giant sandworm in Beetlejuice more than I would to Keeley Hazell dressed like that.
Oct.10.2008 How to panic efficiently in the current economy: Destroy your credit card
I found this video oddly compelling. To promote National Identity Fraud Prevention Week in the UK, this site did a “test” which involved completely destroying six credit cards in creative ways, including acid, liquid nitrogen, and a shotgun.
But the best way to destroy your credit card? Sliding it down the ass crack of a stripper at a strip club. Because then not only is it infected with disease, you’ll also get beaten up pretty handily and there’s no way you’re getting that card back. But you know what you do get? A real sense of accomplishment for taking another pompous stripper down a peg.
Sep.26.2008 Pakistan loves America now thanks to Sarah Palin
Republican VP candidate and all-around swell gal Sarah Palin is considered hot by a lot of people out there (I’m still not sold though I’d certainly throw a motorboat to Bristol Palin and her huge boobs, um, once she’s 18. And when she drops the fetus.)…well add Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari to the list of admirers.
Yes, that is a President of a foreign nation calling that polluted-wombed nothing of a candidate-for-public-office “gorgeous”. And you know, it kind of sucks for her that in an important meeting with a leader of a country who could be a significant part of our future, he’s basically just like “HEY JUGGS, PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. AND PERHAPS…MEAT YOU. HEHEHEHE.”
Whatever, fuck her. Who hasn’t been hit on by a Pakistani man at some point in life? The nice thing is that they make you feel really good about yourself. And then, if you feel like giving a handjob that day…BOOM! Free cab ride!
Sep.26.2008 I <3 Katy Perry
Katy Perry is awesome. Not just because she got famous for a song about making out with girls and enjoying it, but because she has big boobs and seemingly no shame in advertising that fact.
Yes, that’s Katy Perry with her top overflowing with one of her friends pretending that her thumb is a penis and giving it fellacio. I’d be lying if I said that any part of that sentence didn’t arouse me. Especially the thumb part…mmmmmmm who doesn’t enjoy a good thumb? Wait…Thumbelina was just Tom Thumb in drag? What the fuck? She told me she was a chick!!! FUCK.
Anyway it’s pretty obviously a publicity stunt so people like me who couldn’t possibly give two shits will write about her (I don’t know about you, but rarely do I scrawl my name in lipstick on mirrors for racy photographs), but who cares? As a wise man once said, “Ah skeet skeet, motherfucker. Ah skeet skeet skeet skeet.” Truly wise words.
Sep.25.2008 The September 25 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with cowardice
MMA fighters are very tough. Except when they’re scared.
A friendly reminder before we hit the links…please support our advertisers. Check out what they’re offering for the good of this site. Especially the NBC ones above and to your left. The Office is on tonight and it’s one of my favorite shows…ditto for Chuck. My Name Is Earl…well, uh…I like The Office and Chuck. But yeah, for the love of God, check out the advertisers. I’M NOT ABOVE BEGGING.
-A huge compilation of hot chicks wearing football jerseys
-People act strange around hot chicks form the Big 10 (video)
-Farting man gets charged with battery
-Chris Rock went after Bill Clinton (video)
-Least surprising news of the day: Home schooled kids are hilariously awkward (video)
-Jennifer England looks good in a bikini
-Noel Gallagher of Oasis describes crapping in the Queen’s bathroom
-Jennifer Love Hewitt once looked very good sans clothes
-There are 10 legit reasons to care about the NHL this year (Elisha Cuthbert is always one)
-Man buys beer for his four year-old, thinks it’s okay
-Keeley Hazell seems to be missing the lingerie part of her lingerie calendar (NSFW)
-..but Kim Smith does
-Julia’s legs are open 24 hrs
-A fine way to get injured at work (video)
Sep.18.2008 Presence of midgets, topless women shut down bar’s liquor license
You know how you know you’re a great bar owner? You have midgets and topless oil wrestling at your establishment.
The liquor license for a Canton business will be suspended for 60 days because two women wrestled topless at a recent “midget wrestling event.”
The penalty is substantial, Mayor Kevin Meade said after the city liquor commission voted unanimously Wednesday to suspend the license for Outskirts Bar and Grill at 725 W. Locust St.
“It’s meant to send a message to other businesses in town that this won’t be tolerated,” Meade said.
Outskirts owner Kim Scott cried after the vote.
“I’m not being treated like any other business,” she said. “Don’t tell me I am, because I’m not.”
Outskirts hosted a Micro Wrestling Federation event on Aug. 16.
Scott said she had a contract with the group for male wrestlers to perform. When the group arrived, Scott said, two women in oil were wrestling topless while she was outside smoking.
Scott said she stopped the match as soon as she found out the women were topless.
You know who I feel bad for? The midgets. They’re trying to run a legitimate business in the form of their wrestling federation and they have to get lumped in with such classless individuals as the topless girls. Don’t these people understand that the diminutive performers are serious athletes? And what about the little wrestler with the preacher gimmick? Father McLittle must have been outraged at the blatant slap to the face of his religion.
Topless women. How awful. I’d much rather have a bunch of drunken depressed men, 50 year-old bar skanks, and stale beer served in poorly-cleaned glasses. Thanks Canton!
