Oct.27.2008 The 7 most unspeakably creepy clowns
I came across this photo from I-Am-Bored and instantly was brought back to my childhood irrational fears of clowns. This post is a public service for you if you’re thinking about being any type of clown for Halloween. We all hate clowns, to some extent, and you have these 7 fellows to thank.
via Gigglesugar
Ronald McDonald
Famous for: Giving to sick kids and clogging their arteries simultaneously
Sure, he’s designed to lure kids into loving the McDonald’s brand, but Ronald McDonald is a creep, plain and simple…there are hours of footage from commercials to back it up. For example, his TV debut:
He can cure all the sick little kids he wants, but it’ll never make up for the 10 he undoubtedly tortured for days on end in his dark basement. Sure, the smell of fries was welcome at first, but that quickly evaporates when you find a crazed clown mounting you like a steed while demanding that you say “I’m the Hamburglar and I need punishment for my crimes.”
The Joker
Famous for: Criminal activities, Fighting against the rampant outbreak of seriousness
He’s been an urban terrorist (The Dark Knight), an evil prankster (Batman cartoons), a former gangster (Batman…the first one), and an incompetent homosexual (Cesar Romero, as seen below, in the original Batman series). Clearly any of these would strike fear into your heart.
The reasons you’d find The Joker terrifying is pretty simple. He’ll make some snappy little remark, possibly shoot you in the face with a flower, chuckle, and probably kill you. But at least he’d look like he’s having fun doing it, if that’s any consolation.
Slightly unrelated, but I think the best way to write Heath Ledger/The Joker out of the new series of Batman movies would have been a note saying “The Joker died on the way back to his home planet”.
John Wayne Gacy
Famous for: Entertaining dozens of local kids in Illinois with his exciting clown performances, Killing them
John Wayne Gacy lived for two things: Murdering young boys and balloon animals. You can probably guess which one of those led to his downfall. And yes, in spite of the dangers involved of a balloon animal lifestyle, it was the young boys.
It’s a shame, because he seems so well-adjusted in the interview above. And by well-adjusted, I mean well-adjusted to his zeal for being a complete creep who refuses to admit to the fact that he killed a bunch of people. He does seem fairly well spoken though which is good because you don’t simply become a serial killer dressed like a clown by using poor grammar and broken English.
Pennywise
Famous for: Being really really creepy in the book/TV movie It, Poor dental hygiene
If Pennywise were a real guy just hanging out in a clown suit and killing people, that’d be terrifying enough. But the fact that Pennywise is a shape-shifting manifestation of evil that likes to kill kids, well, that’s just a cherry on top.
It really says something about the horror you can inflict on someone if you can appear in someone’s head, throw some blood balloons, hump a rail and yell some shit and they run away in abject terror. It also really allows you to just kick back and enjoy being a disembodied evil spirit. It’s so easy to get caught up in all your work that you forget to really enjoy what you do. Not a problem for old Pennywise.
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Aug.25.2008 The August 25 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with a shot to the throat
This intelligent young man took a shot to the back of his throat with a paintball gun. Kids these days are so smart
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