Oct.28.2008 Gossip Girl puts on a jailbait extravaganza

So uh, I’m going to abstain from commenting lecherously on this one for obvious reasons. But last night on Gossip Girl, our favorite Taylor Momsen got caught up in a bit of a Miley Cyrus moment with former OC star Willa Holland. Who are 15 and 17 respectively. So you can see why I’m shutting up here.

So the gist…Taylor and Willa were both hanging out with a creepy photographer dude who had them frolic and play. And of course, as happens in my dreams in any situation in which two women are hanging out, it escalates into them stripping each other down and dancing around.

So, yeah. Good work CW. I was worried for a second because it seemed like teenage girls aren’t sexualized enough but then POW! Half-naked teens. Bravo.

Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.

Oct.27.2008 NOOO TAYLOR MOMSEN IS IN THE HOSPITAL

Reports are coming out that beloved BOH jailbait Taylor Momsen is in the hospital :(. A statement from her doctor is below.

I am writing this letter at the request of Colette Momsen, mother of Taylor Momsen.

I have been treating Miss Taylor Momsen for the last few days. She has been hospitalized for a severe, potentially life-threatening throat infection since Sunday. She has been an excellent patient, and after aggressive antibiotics and medications, she is expected to make a full recovery in the next three to five days.

I would just like to say that, unequivocally, I really hope she is okay. I also would like to just throw out there that the best recipe for a throat problem is coating your throat with a viscous liquid, ideally one with high protein levels. A little Vitamin C if you will.

I’m referring to semen, just for the record. It’s for her health, damn you. Someone has to make a sacrifice here, for the good of Taylor. Unless copious amounts of that is what gave her a throat infection. Which is possible. This girl in my high school once got an eye infection from someone busting a nut in her eye. Bet you didn’t know that was possible. See, you came here for a little distraction and instead you learned a lesson about humanity.

[via]

Sep.05.2008 MOMSENWATCH: I don’t understand how this is possible.

Reminder: Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen is 15. As in, she’s two years into being a teenager. As in, theoretically, you shouldn’t be saying anything that rhymes with “trucking” in a sentence with her name in it. As in, Chris Hansen would gun you down in broad daylight for attempting to talk to her. Yet, here she is at some event for something, let’s say a party for Horton Hears A Who’s 50th anniversary.

My candid reaction to this: I clicked open the pictures and let out an audible gasp. I’m horrified at what this charming little 15 year-old can do. She seems very smart and cultured. Mature. Womanly.

Seriously, the longer this post goes on, the more likely I am to get my hard drive confiscated by the government, so let’s just say there are more pictures below and that I like women who are of age. WOMEN. OF AGE. CUT THE CRAP, MOMSEN.

Aug.12.2008 MOMSENWATCH! Taylor Momsen is now 15

So I was going to do a big blowout post on her birthday because I’m the definitive Taylor Momsen source, but I got lazy and instead opted to, I dunno, save a burning bus of school kids or eat a burrito or whatever. Anyway Gossip Girl is filming again and that means that, occasionally, new Taylor Momsen photos may leak for us to objectively take a look at without viewing her sexually.

Yep, nothing sexual about a leggy blond girl built like a woman dressed in a prep school uniform. You may as well have dipped my genitals in the Arctic tundra. Then I’d know what it’d be like when my dad slept with my mom :-(.

Related: Imagine the tremendous celebration that will come on this blog (assuming I’m still doing it which, in fairness, is a pretty big assumption) when Taylor Momsen turns 18 and I can say really lurid things. It’ll be four years worth of build-up all for a mediocre payoff. Or I’ll forget it was her birthday and write about some guy who hurt his penis in a forklift. I’m voting the latter.

[More photos here, derby tip to on205th]

May.23.2008 MOMSENWATCH!

Gossip Girl had its season finale on Monday and it was kind of bleh. And had very little Taylor Momsen. But since the show is over for now, no more weekly Momsenwatch! So enjoy.

She continues to be 14. This summer, she’s going to be a counselor at camp for the first time! Maybe she’ll even get to get her first kiss from a boy!

Who am I kidding? She’s probably fucking some 25 year-old. Oh teenage girls. You grow up so fast. Yet still continue to jail me. Sigh.

May.09.2008 A Friday MOMSENWATCH!

Taylor Momsen is one of the stars of the buzzworthy-no-ratings-receiving show Gossip Girl. And this week she received her own episode! Look at her, looking all…bright…in her canary yellow jacket.

Still 14. She’s probably really excited to go to her freshman prom. Hopefully her monthlies don’t start before then!

Oh no. Leave me alone Interpol, I did nothing wrong!!!

Apr.23.2008 MOMSENWATCH! has returned

CW flagship show Gossip Girl finally returned from its Writers’ Strike-induced coma on Monday night. Whether the show was good or not is irrelevant because the fact that it aired meant one thing: More Taylor Momsen.

Still 14. In fact, she’s probably still perplexed about why she bleeds from her cooch once a month.