Sep.04.2008 Running over ladies will not make them want to bed you
Some guy tried to get some foxy ladies at a doughnut shop in California. Unfortunately, they rejected him, so he responded like any logical person might…by trying to run all three of them down with his car.
A Pasadena, Calif. man has been charged with trying to run down three women who spurned his advances at Newport Beach.
Prosecutors said Wednesday that Bryan Curiel faces life in prison if convicted of several felony charges, including attempted murder.
Farrah Emami, spokeswoman for the Orange County district attorney, says the women rejected Curiel’s advances inside a doughnut shop Sunday and told him to leave them alone.
When they had left the shop, Curiel allegedly drove at least 50 mph toward the women and three of their friends before crashing into several concrete bench
Ha yeah what a dumbass. Doesn’t he know that you only run them down after sex? I learned that from GTA! Did you also know the cheat code to make a woman have an orgasm is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, select? Yep, learned that in GTA too! Girls are easy when you learn about them in digital form.
This guy also seems to lack the fundamental ability to take advantage of his surroundings. Why get all bent out of shape about these girls? What, you wanted to have sex with them? Dude…you’re surrounded by God’s vagina…the DONUT! Donuts won’t yell at you or make you feel like less of a man. They will love you and, if you feel so inclined, taste delicious in your mouth. You can even introduce yourself to a jelly donut and pretend it’s a lady on her period!
Yes, my wife is a donut. And I’m proud. Damned proud.
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Jun.13.2008 Japanese people always amuse me
I was reading the Times on Blaaaaackberry and I saw an awesome article about how Japan is trying to slim down fatsos by making them get their waists measured (with failure to comply resulting in fines for the fatties in question’s employers). And then I saw this video below of another awesome Japanese social experiment and I was like “Wowwww, I <3 you Japan!"
That’s awesome. What’s even more awesome is how that dude in the suit who got thrown in the air totally looked like he was raped after they did that to him. Which makes me think that this had to be rigged. Granted, I’m not a diminutive Asian gentleman so throwing me up and down might be a little more difficult, but I can’t imagine any situation that would involve me taking that. On the plus side (or down side, depending upon your perspective), they kept the sharking to a minimum. Way to go Japan!
Jun.02.2008 Men like being single more than a crappy marriage
Hey girls, think your man is a commitment-phobe? Turns out he’s not; he just thinks you suck.
Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single — and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage — but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
“Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all,” Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
This really all ties into my mantra with women. I adhere to the idea that it’s not me, it’s you. I was made flawlessly in every way, primarily emotional and physical, so clearly any problems that arise are a result of the fact that you’re incapable of being on the same level. And it’s unfortunate. I blame ovaries, personally. It’s like, hey, if I wanted eggs and a bad attitude, I’d go to the diner my mom works at. And I’d get a bonus of spit and a guilt trip.
Marriage in general kind of sucks though, especially if you’re a successful man and you’re marrying some normal slut. It’s like being penalized for your success. Take for example the situation with former NJ Governor Jim McGreevey, where it came out that he likes to diddle dudes and, of course, he got divorced from his wife. Now he’s basically broke and she’s like “I’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle” (by which I assume she means wealth and not your husband coming home with bleach on his breath and a song in his step). This is why I wouldn’t have been a good judge. I’d be like “Shit happens baby doll” and then throw my gavel at her nose. At least you knew my court room would be a good show. Then again, I’d probably be the first judge arrested for assault in my own court room. You win some, you lose some I guess. That’s what they taught imaginary me in imaginary law school. I also have a pony there!
May.14.2008 Catcalling is fun for everyone involved
I’ve always thought randomly shouting things at women on the street in an effort to bed them was a little bizarre. Apparently, catcalling is simultaneously as awful as and less awful than I built it up to be.
As the weather warms each spring, women — especially in cities with active sidewalk traffic — once again face catcalls from men. It’s a situation some find unnerving and an invasion of their space, while others ignore or are even flattered by.
“I call it street abuse,” says New York City filmmaker Maggie Hadleigh-West, 49. “It’s unwanted attention and invasion of space.”
Yeah I agree. If you’re harassing a 49 year-old woman, you may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Then again, women are kind of delusional about who is or isn’t hitting on them sometimes. It was probably a guy handing out menopause brochures and she was all like, “HEY BUDDY, I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU” and he was like, “Ummm…k!” She was probably really proud of herself that day.
On the other hand, some women appreciate the attention in certain cases, like Jessica, a 31-year-old health-care educator in Los Angeles, who declined to use her last name to protect her privacy. “Yeah, it’s objectifying and all, but you know, if I walked down the street and didn’t have men looking me up and down and catcalling, I’d think, ‘Boy I must really be getting old and dumpy’,” she says.
She’s gotten catcalls just walking her parents’ dog in baggy sweats. “I thought it was hysterical, like, ‘Boy, doesn’t take much to impress you, does it?’”
It’s true. Once you’re 31, you are old and dumpy. However, this really ties into the deep psychological issues inflicted upon women by society. The ills of magazines like Vogue or shows like Sex and the City promote a negative view of women that can make women feel less significant. Or you’re all insecure bitches who constantly need to be told you’re pretty so that you can walk around in life without collapsing on the floor in a pool of tears. Probably the latter.
The site HollaBackNYC.blogspot.com encourages New Yorkers to snap pictures of street harassers and then post them.
Emily May, 27, and six of her friends were inspired to create the site in 2005 after a young New York woman used her camera phone to take a photo of a man who was looking at her while touching himself on the subway. The picture led to his arrest. (Such behavior is, according to New York state law, a misdemeanor offense). The blog has spawned similar sites in other major cities such as Chicago and San Francisco.
The site is a way to encourage dialogue, says May. “I think sites like ours can help women see that they’re not alone, that it happens to women in all walks of life by men in all walks of life, and that it’s not okay.”
It’s time for men to take the power back in the Holla Back infrastructure. Next time you feel compelled to yell something at a woman in an effort to get into her pants, throw a banana at her. She’ll be so confused and the key to bagging hot babes is doing the unexpected. That’s why I like to call rape “Surprise Sex”. Girls love surprises. Makes it sound way more fun, I think.
According to existing studies and her own findings, Kearl says, some men are simply ignorant about how their behavior is perceived. Kearl, who completed her thesis, “Direct Action, Education, Consciousness-Raising, Activism and the Internet: Methods for Combating Street Harassment,” last year, thinks posting on Web sites like HollaBackNYC is preferable to resorting to anger and violence.
“A lot of men have no idea that women don’t like being talked to in this way,” she says. “It never crosses their mind, and yelling doesn’t educate them. If you yell, they often don’t understand why you are upset and so they take it personally.”
If a woman tried to fight be because I said something like, “Hey doll, nice gams!” or something I’d probably just laugh and let her punch me. It’s like letting a kitten swat at you with its little paws. It’s like, “Aww look at the lil kitty! You’re a feisty one aren’t you? Wuzza wuzza.” Though I probably wouldn’t find myself crying later in the night if the kitty refused my sexual advances. Well, not again. Damn sexy cats and your misleading ways.
Apr.03.2008 Your premature ejaculation is a-okay
Are you a guy who cums too quickly? Congrats: You’re still a loser, but a socially acceptable one.
Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn’t take long to satisfy a woman in bed. A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
If that sounds like good news to you, don’t cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as “too short.”
Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who believe that “more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner, you should last forever.”
I came four times reading that article.
Mar.06.2008 Housework may get you more ass
Hey men, take out the garbage because, if you do, you’re TOTALLY getting laid tonight! Not from me. From your ho. I’m not that nice.
American men still don’t pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they’re not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.
The report, released Thursday by the Council on Contemporary Families, summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men’s contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found they tripled the time spent on child care over that span.
“More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples,” the report says. “Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed.”
I’m not sure I agree that the rules of the game have completely changed. I mean, I guess you can’t just club her in the back of the head to have sex with her, ideally after the pot roast has finished. And yes, I guess they come close to making as much money now. And they can vote…
Man, this is just depressing. Why couldn’t I have been born a caveman? Or at least been able to act in a movie portrayal of that B.C. comic? Things were so much simpler then. You kill a mastodon, have your woman cook it, club her over the head, talk to the dinosaur-like bird who serves as your dishwasher, get big ribs to tip over your car. The simple things in life. Sigh.
