Sep.30.2008 The 9 best Jewish things
It’s Rosh Hashanah today, also known as the Jewish New Year. What does that mean (other than that your Jewish coworker, Schmeckel, shouldn’t be off on December 31st or January 1st)? It means it’s a time to look at a few of my favorite Jewish things!
Home decor: Menorah
How do you improve upon a candle? BY MAKING SEVEN OF THEM IN ONE! Man, that’s clever. The “more is more” philosophy is also pretty in line with America’s, I’d say.
Societal convention: Circumcision
Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? It’s all hooded and shady looking. Looks kind of like one of the police drawings of the Unabomber.
Enemy: Mel Gibson
Good to see his hatred for the Jewish people didn’t force him out of a prominent starring roles in Hollywood. *looks at IMDB page… Oh.
Half-Jewess: Scarlett Johansson
She’s allegedly half-Jewish and now married to a Canadian in Ryan Reynolds. If she were full-Jewish, they would have been married six months ago, she’d be done acting, and they’d currently be at Marshalls looking for a good deal on home goods.
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May.15.2008 Are Britney Spears and Mel Gibson boning?
I’m not sure how to lead this one because it’s so random. Britney Spears and Mel Gibson are taking a romantic trip to Costa Rica together.
ET breaks news that BRITNEY SPEARS and MEL GIBSON are currently en route to Costa Rica on vacation together! Britney arrived on time, about 5 minutes after Mel, and the plane departed at 9:05 a.m.
We spotted them leaving on a private plane to the Central American state early this morning. Sources tell us that Mel is taking Britney and her father JAMIE for a mini-vacation. We’ve learned they will be guests at Mel’s home in Costa Rica.
According to the terms of her custody Britney’s children cannot leave the country without special approval. There is no confirmation as to whether she sought approval and we’re told they are not joining her on the trip.
While the pop star and the actor may appear to be an unlikely duo, they used to live in the same Malibu community and were spotted having dinner together at Studio City’s Romanov restaurant in March.
Maybe I’m just crazy but I don’t see how this trip couldn’t be about boning. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever go anywhere with any woman if it’s not about boning. Like, you could be dying and muttering something about how you just got injected with poison and you have 15 minutes to live and I’d be kind of confused as to how this would lead to us having sex. And they say chivalry is dead.
