Oct.24.2008 Most desperate woman ever looking to buy a Super Bowl ad to find a man
Alternate title: This bitch really needs some dick. A bit blunt? Perhaps…but aspiring to take out a personal ad at the Super Bowl (valued at $3 million) warrants such pleasant attention.
A Manhattan lonely heart wants to buy a $3 million Super Bowl ad so she can advertise her availability to millions of potential husbands nationwide.
Amy Borkowsky - who gives her age as somewhere between Carrie and Samantha - is confident she’ll up her odds of marriage if she markets herself to an audience of captive, guacamole-gutted football fans.
“Dating is a numbers game,” she said. “I need to reach a large pool of guys.”
To that end, she has created a Web site, SuperBowlSingleGirl.com, to raise money to reach her multimillion-dollar goal to buy a 30-second shot at love.
So far, she has bagged about a grand, mostly from $10 and $25 donations.
Borkowsky has already brainstormed ideas for a TV spot. She might write a jingle, feature testimonials from ex-lovers or even do side-by-side comparisons of her and other single gals.
It’s a complete and utter publicity stunt (going through her site yields incessant mentions of her undoubtedly funny stand-up and the names of her comedy CDs. Yes I’m sure you’d find a lot of jokes about how tough it is to be a single gal, how men don’t appreciate a good lady, how you too can smash your face against a toaster and still work your way into the public eye, etc.) But let’s say, for her sake, that she’s legitimately hoping this works and wants to succeed and not just doing it to desperately cling for attention. Maybe she could ask for $3.3 million to get a little work done before making the ad. Or maybe she can just really fix herself and invest all that money into making her look slightly less like Baraka from Mortal Kombat.
I would rather let an Italian monkey on a 1920s street corner insert my penis into one of those grinder jukeboxes than I would give it into her. I’d also probably rather date the monkey. At least he wouldn’t always be talking about how hard it is to find a good Jewish man and he’d probably be throwing slightly less feces at me.
[source]
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Oct.24.2008 The October 24 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with marital bliss
How NOT to start off a marriage
-Hot chicks sue over Hot Chicks with Douchebags site
-The 10 hottest moments in Megan Fox history (so far)
-The top 7 celebrities to come out of the closet next
-Party girls of the top 5 college football rivarlies
-Hulk Hogan Knows Depression (funny video)
-Hot Russian chick in various stages of undress. Yay communism!
-The hottest foreign cheerleaders around
-Girls takes photos of ass in thong with camera phone, erections ensue
-Lori Laughlin is a busty MILF
-Ericka Underwood is in a bikini
-The 25 greatest NFL cheerleader Halloween costumes
-John McCain likes calling people cunts (video)
-Only classy sluts drink Bud Light
-Abi puts the “tit” in Titmuss…clever play on words eh?
-Cheryl Tweedy busts out of a shirt like Hulk Hogan
-Looking for a job? Get your identity stolen!
Sep.25.2008 The most awesome man alive
I think this may have been from a wedding. Call it a hunch.
This man is the most amazing human being alive and I want to know more about him. Look at him there, casually sipping champagne from his flute while his new girl is all like “yeahhhhh this is all mine!” It’s admirable to have trained a woman so soon and with such vigor.
Or she’s just a nymphomaniac. Either way is pretty cool.
[Source]
Sep.11.2008 Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson to wed?
Some news outlet in Denmark is reporting that Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan are going to marry by end of year. And since I have no sort of journalistic integrity and like to believe that everything coming out of Denmark is true, let’s go with it.
Samantha, 31, who gave Lindsay a ‘commitment’ ring worth $22,000 earlier this year, let slip her happy news while DJing at exclusive Hollywood hotel Chateau Marmont.
She said: “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs. Ronson! Tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.”
Lindsay, 22, has made no secret of her love for Samantha – the sister of music producer Mark Ronson – in recent weeks, and dedicated Ray LaMontagne’s touching ballad ‘Trouble’ to her on her blog. Ray’s romantic track includes lyrics such as: “She gave me love and affection/I said I love her/She’s good to me” and “I’ve been saved by a woman/She won’t let me go/She won’t let me go now.”
Lindsay and Samantha first sparked rumours they were dating in March this year, and in May the ‘Mean Girls’ actress referred to the DJ as “my husband” at the Cannes Film Festival.
Man, I wish I were in Denmark. Then I could say all kinds of retarded made-up news and people would be like “Oh wow, that must be true because he’s from Denmark.” I’d be one of the best reporters ever if I didn’t have to do any actual reporting.
I do have to say though that, assuming that there’s a shred of truth in this in spite of the fact that Samantha Ronson’s quote seemed like it was written by someone with no grasp of the English language or Julius Caesar, lesbian marriages are not very sexy. A couple ladies getting intimate is totally cool. A foray into donut bumpery is totally cool. But a lifetime of commitment and that doucheass Ronson dressed in some hipster tuxedo at a wedding? You’d be hardpressed to find a way to kill my erection faster, unless you have an oversized mallet and my groin is readily accessible. In which case, touche.
[More images of the fantastic cleavage pictured above]
Jun.25.2008 Saudi Arabia is progressive in its views on 1 year-old girls getting married
I like camels and I like babies (not like that) so imagine how excited I am for Saudi Arabia that a marriage official says it’s totally cool to marry a 1 year-old!
Saudi marriage officiant Dr. Ahmad al-Mu’bi told Lebanese television viewers last week that it’s permissible for girls as young as 1 to marry — as long as sex is postponed.
Al-Mu’bi’s remarkable comments also included an explanation that “there is no minimal age for entering marriage.”
“You can have a marriage contract even with a 1-year-old girl, not to mention a girl of 9, 7 or 8,” he said. “But is the girl ready for sex or not?” What is the appropriate age for sex for the first time? This varies according to environment and tradition,” al-Mu’bi said.
These Saudis are pretty freaking on the ball. Like they totally get that American society is moving in a direction that sexualizes teenagers so they twirl their big mustaches and go, “HA HA WE WILL SHOW AMERICAN PIGS AND MARRY OUR 1 YEAR-OLD GIRLS! THEN THEY WILL BE BIGGER THAN 600 HANNAH MONTANAS!”
My question is the dowry higher or lower with a 1 year-old? Because like it can go either way with them really. But you’re getting them really young so I guess there’s a lot of potential. I guess what I’m saying is that I want dowries in America. I don’t want to marry your ass for free. Not only that, but at a LOSS! I have to buy a ring and shit! What the fuck. Yeah, it’s great that I can get Diet Coke and whatever, but America sucks sometimes.
Jun.02.2008 Men like being single more than a crappy marriage
Hey girls, think your man is a commitment-phobe? Turns out he’s not; he just thinks you suck.
Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single — and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage — but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
“Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all,” Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
This really all ties into my mantra with women. I adhere to the idea that it’s not me, it’s you. I was made flawlessly in every way, primarily emotional and physical, so clearly any problems that arise are a result of the fact that you’re incapable of being on the same level. And it’s unfortunate. I blame ovaries, personally. It’s like, hey, if I wanted eggs and a bad attitude, I’d go to the diner my mom works at. And I’d get a bonus of spit and a guilt trip.
Marriage in general kind of sucks though, especially if you’re a successful man and you’re marrying some normal slut. It’s like being penalized for your success. Take for example the situation with former NJ Governor Jim McGreevey, where it came out that he likes to diddle dudes and, of course, he got divorced from his wife. Now he’s basically broke and she’s like “I’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle” (by which I assume she means wealth and not your husband coming home with bleach on his breath and a song in his step). This is why I wouldn’t have been a good judge. I’d be like “Shit happens baby doll” and then throw my gavel at her nose. At least you knew my court room would be a good show. Then again, I’d probably be the first judge arrested for assault in my own court room. You win some, you lose some I guess. That’s what they taught imaginary me in imaginary law school. I also have a pony there!
May.29.2008 Gays win! Gays win!
Gay marriage is on a roll as NY state is going to recognize marriages performed in other states and California’s getting ready to offer licenses.
Gay rights advocates had reason to celebrate on both coasts Thursday, with New York set to recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere and California preparing to begin issuing marriage licenses to gay couples on June 17.
Hours after California issued a directive Wednesday authorizing that date, word came that New York Gov. David Paterson instructed state agencies — including those governing insurance and health care — to immediately change policies and regulations to recognize gay marriages.
For years, gay rights advocates have sought recognition for same-sex marriages so couples could share family health care plans, receive tax breaks by filing jointly, enjoy stronger adoption rights and inherit property.
Good news for you, homo.
(Ok I was going to have that be the only commentary I offered on this post because I thought it was funny, but maybe not)
Honestly, I’m pretty sure you could get David Paterson to sign off on anything. You just go, “Hey Governor, here’s this new bill that gives blind black dudes a hot new car/girl with a big butt/Knicks tickets” and he’s all like “YEAH BOYEEEE.” God I wish I did a NY politics blog, I’d literally write about our blind black Governor every day and it’d all be stereotypes and jokes about how he’d suck at archery. Sigh. One day.
