Oct.29.2008 The October 29 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with child abuse
A great way to damage your child and probably stunt their growth
-Texas QB Colt McCoy’s girlfriend is smoking hot and posing with friends in her bikini
-Jennifer Ellison is Loaded. With breasts, presumably
-Nadine Velasquez was also in Loaded and she’s bending over in her underwear (seriously, Loaded sounds like a great magazine that I would like to be friends with)
-The smell of farts may control your blood pressure
-Debora Salvalaggio is pure Italian hotness
-The 10 hottest female superheroes of all time
-David Letterman shat all over Lauren Conrad last night. Figuratively (AWESOME video)
-Parody of The View discusses Sarah Palin popping out another kid (funny video)
-Ninja Warrior is badass (video)
-Danielle Bux looks awesome in this month’s Maxim
-This is what a destroyed Ferrari looks like
-Corin Riggs is the hottest pre-med student ever
-20 phenomenal Charles Barkley quotes
-Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are hanging on the beach. Both are fuckable.
-Ten great ideas for offensive last-minute Halloween costumes
-Ursula Mayes is quite attractive and large breasted. Also spicy, because she’s Latina
-This cat is a criminal (video)
-How to be a classy (not really) girl on Halloween
-A great collection of awful Halloween costumes
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
Sep.19.2008 Audrina, Lauren, and Lo are the bustiest movers ever
From Lauren Conrad’s home in the Hollywood Hills where (POSSIBLE HILLS SPOILER ALERT FOR ALL YOU GIRLS AND ‘MOS) Audrina Patridge is moving out of the house.
Thank God she remembered the piñata. There’s no worse feeling than packing up your entire life into a moving van and getting to your new place, bringing everything in, and realizing “HOLY SHIT I FORGOT MY PIÑATA!!!” You were my favorite purchase, Pepe. I’m sorry.
In related news, I would help Audrina pack my stuff into her box. By which I mean my penis. Into her vagina. Just so we’re on the same page. Also, my lava lamp.
My favorite photo is the first one. It’s like, “Well, we got this move done. Let’s celebrate with a sexy pose. Breasts out girls!”
Aug.07.2008 The August 7 Hot Link Orgy
Here’s how to not ask a girl out. Ideally, you’d like to remain on your feet and not faceplant into a locker. The more you know.
-Woman on donkey fights off lion with machete…whaaaaaa
-O.J.’s butt boy Kato Kaelin continues to pull quality tail
-Monica Bellucci does not seem to age
-Bill O’Reilly’s wife boned Flavor Flav…who else could she have been with?
LINK OF THE DAY: Tree porn is hilarious (w/ video)
-Lauren Conrad got her hair did
-Sophie Monk has a hard time keeping her nipples down
-Christina Aguilera had questionably-real nude photos taken in 2004. Here they are. You know you need to click this, right? (NWS, obvs)
-The University of Florida is kind of a mess
-Joanna Krupa brings breasts, more breasts to Maxim
-New iPhone app to tout how rich you are costs $1000…well, I guess it delivers what it promises
-Denise Richards likes to pretend to be a bride
-Tuesday was National Underwear Day, who knew?
-Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders have an 80s quality to them
Jul.30.2008 Lauren Conrad needs a hug
Lauren Conrad is a beacon of beauty, talent, brains, and earned celebrity. So you could see why she’s having an emotional breakdown because she kind of sucks at life.
Lauren recently broke down in tears at her Hollywood Hills home, wallowing in the misery that she feels her life has become.
“She’s an emotional train wreck,” a source close to LC tells Star. “She usually doesn’t lose it like that. But her life has spiraled out of control, and once she opened the floodgates, it was all over. She just crumpled, putting her head in her hands and sobbing.”
It seems she has a lot to cry about. She’s being slammed in reports for throwing a diva fit at a charity event, her clothing line has been dropped by Kitson, she’s feuding with her pals and her love life is practically nonexistent!
Yeah, Lauren Conrad’s had a tough life. Money, fame, and unlimited opportunities like prestigious internships and fashion lines all because she’s a cute chick who was on MTV as a teenager. And a house in the Hollywood Hills subsidized by a global media company. Yeah, she’s really struggling out there. I should be sending her a dollar a day instead of some swollen-bellied brown person probably.
Meanwhile Heidi Montag is doing pretty well, being mentioned by elderly presidential candidates, hobnobbing with John McCain’s daughter, and shooting guns for some reason. Looks like this Hills feud might be swinging the other way. Except in the whole “having actually done something worthwhile” portion of things. I’m pretty sure Heidi Montag’s biggest accomplishment entails her being able to tie her shoes without stumbling to the floor, both due to lack of coordination and her top-heavy build. The latter of which is a pretty good accomplishment, if you think about it. And if you like blonds with big boobs. Which I do. I know, I’m really a rare individual with bizarre preferences.
[More LC pics from the set above]
Jul.01.2008 Lauren Conrad will surprise you
Via Gawker, some Glamour magazine blogger met up with Lauren Conrad of The Hills fame. And the results were…not at all interesting.
Other general impressions of Lauren-in-real-life:
- As with all celebs, seemed way shorter/thinner in person. Also, tanner.
- Seemingly really sweet/almost a little shy. I wasn’t getting stuck-up vibes. When I needed to find the ladies’ room, she walked me there, despite 10 publicists who could have done so instead.
- Shockingly well-spoken considering the inane dialogue we generally see her involved in on The Hills. Recited tons of stats from memory when describing the new m.powerment initiative (proceeds from certain Mark accessories are going to organizations that prevent violence against young women).
People have been reporting on this like it’s groundbreaking news. “Wow, she didn’t like, drool on herself and talk about shoes the whole time.” Yeah, I’m completely surprised that a reality show, especially one with the journalistic integrity of The Hills, might be slightly manipulating footage to hide that Lauren Conrad isn’t a dummy. In other shockers, I find her quite attractive and would have vigorous, acrobatic sex with her. In fact, I’d probably kick my mother in the vagina with great velocity to have sex with Lauren Conrad. Hell, I’d probably hit her in the face with a canoe paddle to sniff Lauren Conrad’s underwear. Not gonna lie, I’d even throw a tiger at her to lick a magazine with Lauren Conrad on the cover. This might say more about my relationship with my mother than anything, now that I think about it.
Jun.23.2008 The June 23 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with a fruity throw
–Pete Wentz threw out the first pitch at the Cubs game this weekend. Like a girl.
–Cleveland Browns QB Brady Quinn needs college to boost his self esteem.
–Lauren Conrad has surprisingly ample cleavage.
–Who robs a store with a piece of tree? (w/ video)
–Jesus Christ rode dinosaurs (w/ the most kickass image ever)
