Aug.13.2008 John Mayer dumped Jennifer Aniston

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Jennifer Aniston got dumped by boyfriend John Mayer, perhaps because she’s only getting in and out of cars according to the photography accompanying all my Aniston blog posts.

The pair initially decided to spend some time apart… before making the break official earlier this week.

“There’s been a bit of tension for some time,” says a source close to 30-year-old John. “They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly it doesn’t seem to have worked.

“John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn’t ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved.

“Contrary to reports, Jen didn’t want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together.

“She also wanted him to assure her he would cut down his tours in the future when they did eventually have children.”

Looks like John chose the years of banging sorority girls. And who could blame him? Settling for Jennifer Aniston would be like eating one overcooked, but pricey, steak for the rest of your life when you can have a bunch of delicious skirt steaks, all juicy and fresh, talking about how awesome your oily hair looks and how they love it when you play the guitar behind your head instead of forcing you to watch all of the Friends DVDs and getting mad if you don’t laugh at the time Ross, I dunno, shat on the floor because he loved Rachel so much. Yeah, tough choice.

[More car-related images here]

Tags: Breaking up is hard to doooooo, Celebrity, Dating, Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer

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Aug.06.2008 Jennifer Aniston is pushy

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Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have been dating for a while. And by a while I mean like a month or two. So it seems logical that she would demand he move into her home.

Jennifer Aniston accompanied John Mayer on his tour dates in Callifornia last month but her reunion with him in Chicago on 18 July, after a few days apart, wasn’t a joyful one.

After she arrived at 2am at the Peninsula Hotel bar in the Windy City, security got rid of all the other guests so that John, 30, and Jen, 39, could dine alone together and have a serious heart-to-heart chat about their future.

‘It was crunch time,’ a source close to the couple tells Now.

‘Jen’s told him she wants him to move into her £7.5 million Hollywood home once the tour ends [on 31 August], but John’s told her that, while he’s not against it in principle, they have to give it time.’

Wow, needy, pushing 40, and probably still hung up on a relationship with one of the most handsome men alive. Could she be any better of a deal? What other great things does she have to offer? Perhaps her vagina is sealed off by a brick wall too so we can spend all of our time cuddling and talking about how much of a cunt Angelina Jolie is! Oh boy!

The question is though…if you’re John Mayer, would you rather spend the rest of your life boning sorority girls who lost their virginity to “Your Body Is a Wonderland” or with Jennifer Aniston’s rotting ovaries? Unless he’s the type to prefer an eye-gouging over frolicking in a meadow with puppies while eating S’mores, doesn’t seem like too difficult of a choice. So long as you’re not allergic to marshmallows. But then how do you live?

Tags: Celebrity, Dating, Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer, Needy women

Jul.31.2008 Jennifer Aniston must be cold

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I’m starting to think that Jennifer Aniston tweaks her nipples before going out just to get people to post images of her. It’s like 100 degrees out wherever she is and it looks like she’s frigid more ways than emotionally. Anyway, that seems to suit John Mayer pretty well.

“John has such an amazing crew of musicians and friends with him. Everyone gets along and is drama free and Jen fits right in – perfectly,” says a Mayer friend. “Everyone really loves her.”

At a recent concert in Chula Vista, Calif., Mayer’s girlfriend continued to be the subject of fans’ anonymous text messages that were displayed on twin screens between acts. One said, “We want Jennifer Aniston to come out now!!!”

But even if the media coverage is exhausting, the source says Mayer, 30, is happier than ever with Aniston, 39.

“They are very happy together, it’s working really well and they’re only getting closer,” says the Mayer pal. “His friends think she’s great for him.”

That’s a pretty nice thing for John’s friend to say. It’s pretty convenient that some friend of John’s went to People and said exactly the opposite of what Jen’s reputation is. You know, the one of her being clingy and needy and unlikeable and kind of crazy. It’s pretty great that John was able to strike up such a great friendship with Jen’s publicist.

This is also a real feel good story in another way. It’s great to see Maggie Gyllenhaal getting a new line of work after uglying up The Dark Knight. That has to be her in the photos below, right? It must have gotten too hard to have her on set, what with the cameras and monitors always shattering after being forced to bear her reflection.