Jun.20.2008 The June 20 Hot Link Orgy

The hottest orgy to make me want to murder my host

–Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby daddy knows how to lay pipe.

–WWE girls look good in bikinis.

–The Celtics’ Glen Davis is shirtless and ample breasted.

–The life and times of Uncle Joey from Full House.

–What celebrity ho’s pool would you break into?

ED NOTE: As said above, my host Gate.com (more like GAYte.com amirite) has been fucking KILLING me lately, so I’m going to try to switch servers today. Though real life will be bogging me down as well. So whatever, bear with me kids. I’m always a bumpy ride.

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Mar.20.2008 Jamie Lynn Spears is really enjoying her fetus

OK Magazine, the celebrity magazine that his with the ferocity of a feather tickle, is taking its usual approach with teenage pregnancy spokesmodel Jamie Lynn Spears. Turns out, life is going swell for hers!

With less than three months left before she becomes a mom, Jamie Lynn Spears is living it up — shopping, hanging out with her friends and behaving like any other normal teenage girl.

Even though the paparazzi have invaded her hometown of Kentwood, La., Jamie Lynn seems to have a better handle on them than her big sis, Britney Spears, did. “She has such a level head on her. She is handling this situation with a maturity that is surprising even her own family,” a friend of the Zoey 101 star tells OK!.

On March 9, Jamie Lynn attended a local baseball game. A few days later she went on a coffee run with a girlfriend, and on March 13, she hit up one of her favorite local shops, Connie’s Jewelry & Gifts, for a few trinkets. “She’s behaving like a pretty normal teen,” the friend says. “She’s not even worried about how much weight she puts on or doing any special exercises. At her age, her body will bounce right back and she knows it.”

Uh bounce back, perhaps. But I’m sure she’s not following some rigorous workout routine because if you’re getting knocked up at 16, self-control and an ability to stick to a plan probably aren’t some of your strong suits. She’s probably going to have stretch marks the size of a fault line all over her body. So that’ll be pretty awesome if you’ve always wanted to ejaculate into a volcano.

I dunno, I just think this rosy view of her life is a bit too false. Like what 16 year-old is like having a ball with a 10 pound lifeform sucking their beauty away from inside with a fleshy crazy straw we call the umbilical cord. Maybe a fat girl. Because then she has an excuse. Like “Oh, I’m eating for two! Ha ha!” Like you weren’t before. Go take some more bizarrely filtered digital shots of yourself with the camera at a 72 degree angle pig.

Mar.03.2008 Jamie Lynn Spears is having a boy

Jamie Lynn Spears is apparently going to be having a boy. You totally care about this.

If a recent trip to swank baby goods store Petit Tresor in West Hollywood is any indication, it looks like Jamie Lynn Spears is having a boy.

According to a source close to the store, Jamie Lynn and her sister Britney together stopped by the baby boutique on Feb. 25. The jaunt is said to have lasted less than 20 minutes and resulted in the purchase of several items that were light blue in color.

“Britney originally said the items were for herself,” said the source, but the line appeared to be a cover for Jamie Lynn. Among the purchases: organic baby blankets by designer robbieadrian.com, towels and pajamas. “None of the items could have been mistaken for being purchased for the two kids Britney already has,” says the source, who has knowledge of the visit.

Well, on the plus side, this is the first time a male will be pulled out of Jamie Lynn’s vagina.