Jun.17.2008 Kid kisses ear, causes deafness
No, not a sudden ability to beatbox and do some ill poppin’ and lockin’, but rather actual loss of hearing. Some kid kissed her mom’s ear and it was all downhill from there.
What’s in a kiss?
That’s what a Hicksville, N.Y. mother would like to know after her young daughter’s kiss left her with hearing loss and tinnitus, Newsday reported.
When Gail Schwartzman’s daughter, who is now 6, kissed Schwartzman’s ear, it wasn’t the sound that damaged her hearing, it was the suction force, which displaced the eardrum and paralyzed a trio of bones.
The incident happened two years ago, but will be the subject of an upcoming medical journal report, which outlines “the kiss of deaf.”
“That was some kiss,” said Lisa Freeman of the American Tinnitus Foundation. “Typically (loud noises are) the perception of sound in the ears or head. This can range from ringing, clicking, swishing or buzzing and can cycle to movements of highs and lows.”
“The moral here is simple,” said Levi Reiter, chairman of audiology at Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y., who studied Schwartzman’s case and said a similar incident happened in the 1950s. “Try not to hurt the ones you love.”
Yeah, and definitely don’t fuck the ear of someone you love either. Sure, there are few things as satisfying as humping the head of someone you love and ejaculating on both their hammer and anvil, but proceed with caution. Unless you’re dating Helen Keller. In which case, JACKPOT!..until you get the water bill, I guess. Always with the water, Helen. That shit ain’t free.
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Mar.26.2008 Obama and Brad Pitt are practically brothers
Well I guess Barack Obama is already a brother but still. Some genealogy researchers have found odd familial ties for the Presidential candidates.
This could make for one odd family reunion: Barack Obama is a distant cousin of actor Brad Pitt, and Hillary Rodham Clinton is related to Pitt’s girlfriend, Angelina Jolie.
Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society found some remarkable family connections for the three presidential candidates — Democratic rivals Obama and Clinton, and Republican John McCain.
Clinton, who is of French-Canadian descent on her mother’s side, is also a distant cousin of singers Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette. Obama, the son of a white woman from Kansas and a black man from Kenya, can call six U.S. presidents, including George W. Bush, his cousins. McCain is a sixth cousin of first lady Laura Bush.
“You’d think with all that singing talent in the family she’d be able to carry a tune,” Clinton’s senior adviser Philippe Reines said. “But now it makes much more sense how she snagged a Grammy.”
This is kind of stupid. Yeah we’re all from the same like two or three people, who exchanged jizms and sweet I love yous and awkward cumshots and perhaps condom breakage and an attempted purchase of Plan B pills but the Duane Reade down the block didn’t carry it and then you tried to find it but they were out all over town and you’re like, “Oh fuck,” so then you tell her you love her but say you’re not ready to have a kid so you talk her into getting an abortion and there’s a couple weeks to think about it and she decides she’s going to keep the baby but is afraid to tell you so she pretend she was getting the abortion but she didn’t get it, she didn’t get it at all and then ten months later you see her pushing around a baby in the supermarket and you’re like “You lying whore” and then realize your child is related to Barack Obama. It happens all the time.
Mar.25.2008 Chace Crawford and JC Chasez are totally boning
What happens when two somewhat famous closeted twinks in Chace Crawford and JC Chasez get together? Magic! And recorded assumed buttsex.
Chace Crawford, the Gossip Girl star so pretty that one bat of his lashes is enough to instantly knock crowds of his tweenage fanbase clear unconscious, has been linked quite a bit lately to former NSYNC member JC Chasez. Not even a suspiciously timed and worded Page Six item describing the actor as being “surrounded by women” seemed to quell the rumors regarding these frequent bunk buddies. Now, via cameraphone-equipped operative, we bring you this latest addition to the Defamer Citizen Paparazzi files. It’s an eyewitness account of what Chase and J.C. (can we just give them a celebrity couple’s name already? Chésee it is!) were up to over this unseasonably warm L.A. weekend:
Spotted at the Roosevelt pool, Friday PM:
Pretty boy Chace Crawford darting to the bar from a private cabana. No one seemed to notice but upon further inspection, there was quite the little boys party going in the cabana–JC Chasez hiding out and Chace running around getting drinks. The two were in very different bathing suits–JC in his DG mankini and Chace in his best hetero pair of boardshorts–and later changed into a casual jeans & t-shirt look.
Well, I said many moons ago that Chace Crawford is clearly a gay boy in the midst of a PR campaign to make him look straight. So really the point of this point is how awesome I am.
But the other point is that if you’re a gay celebrity, just be a gay guy. Like I dunno, if I were a young gay boy, I’d be annoyed because where are the gay role models for me to model my dicksuckery after? Or at least get the courage to tell my doting mother that I like a feeling similar to getting cream puffs squeezed out onto my back while sitting on a baseball bat? Be who you are, dammit. For the lil people!
