Oct.15.2008 Fox News with a laugh track

Not to get all “OH FOX NEWS IS SO MESSED UP MAAAAAN, I’M A LIBERAL AND I HAAAAATE IT” but this is a well-crafted and poignant look at how Fox News should be presented.

In related news, I now also find myself paternalistic to minorities, hate rich people for their successes, and like complaining about things endlessly but not really doing anything. Also I want to gay marry someone. That might not be so much of a liberal thing though, just sexy.

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Sep.04.2008 1986 comic books were not big fans of the gays

Came across this today and was amazed at how ridiculous it was. It’s a comic book designed to show, I guess, why being gay is so great. It’s called “HOMOSEXUALITY: LEGITIMATE ALTERNATE DEATHSTYLE”. The title’s really clever because it’s so subtle. Like the cover art.

See? The message is very powerful…homosexuality is more accepting than heterosexuality. Even skeletons can get in on the act! Every day is like Halloween when you’re hangin’ with the gays!

I’m going to have to respectfully disagree here, Mr. Comic Book Man. You can totally have gay sodomy without being totally gay. Apparently you weren’t made aware of Gay Sex Fridays at my junior high. Even the Muslim kids wished they went to my Catholic school on those days!

That statistic seems crazy though. He’s saying that, for the first time…gay men have sex with men and straight men have sex with women? Wow that is such a crazy statistic that totally proves that gay sex is a learned trait. Thank God we have brave men like the ones behind this comic out there making radical claims like that to save us all from ourselves. Whew!

Seriously, read the whole thing here. Best 10 minutes you’ll spend today.

Jul.08.2008 Amy Jacobson has big boobs and does not want you to question them

Via Fark comes this awesome article in today’s Chicago Tribune about disgraced reporter Amy Jacobson, who was photographed by a competing news station in a bikini at a subject’s home (some dude whose story she was trying to get to the bottom of), then unceremoniously canned. Long block quote below, but an interesting story so bear with me. Or look at her big mom boobs, whatever.

The former WMAQ-Ch. 5 reporter is seeking more than $1 million in damages from WBBM-Ch. 2 parent CBS, Channel 2 boss Joe Ahern and others, complaining that a tape it aired of her in bathing attire at the home of a potential news source in July 2007 subjected Jacobson to “enormous public humiliation and disgrace.”

Jacobson wound up losing her TV job and, eventually, her home, according to the suit filed Monday in Cook County by attorney Kathleen Zellner on behalf of Jacobson, husband Jaime Anglada and their two children, all of whom alleged to have “suffered from observing the devastating effects on the person they love most.”

Jacobson’s suit, which states “some would say” she was “the best in the business” before the July 5, 2007, incident was recorded by Channel 2, alleges the station never should have shot the video, should never have aired it and should not have edited it the way it did.

The suit asserts Channel 2 portrayed her as “an adulteress and disreputable reporter” and said the station leaked word of the tape to newspapers, leading to published reports it used to justify airing the video.

Jacobson has said she originally intended to take her kids swimming at Chicago’s East Bank Club before she detoured to the Plainfield home of Craig Stebic, whose wife had vanished two months earlier and remains missing to this day, at the invitation of Stebic’s sister.

Whatever journalistic splash Jacobson had hoped to make by Stebic’s pool by ingratiating herself with potential sources instead resulted in the self-inflicted sting of a belly flop, reported everywhere from England to Australia. Even Geraldo Rivera weighed in, decrying her ethics and calling her dismissal “a no-brainer” on Fox News Channel.

Sources told the Chicago Tribune last year that Jacobson’s decision to brief police on her interaction with Stebic, without telling her WMAQ bosses, played a role in her ouster. That breach of standards, which made her a part of a story she was covering, one she had been warned she was getting too close to, was just the latest incident to cause bosses to lose their confidence in Jacobson’s judgment, the sources said.

While one Chicago TV executive at the time called Jacobson’s misstep “egregious,” another said she might have survived it had it not been for an accumulation of incidents.

I can’t really tell if she’s hot, but if I were a dude who just killed my wife and pretended she went missing, I prooooobably wouldn’t be able to go out and get tail too often. Kind of blows your cover a bit.

I can definitely relate to Amy though. When you’re a serious investigative reporter like us, sometimes you have to put yourself in awkward situations for the news. Sometimes it’s appearing at a dude’s place with your boobs flopping around, sometimes it’s taking a load on the chin. It’s like that guy who gives me free access to videos on YouTube. He said he was the heir to YouTube…his name is like Johnny Youtubener. Man, the things I’ve had to do for access to their videos. Wait. YouTube videos are free for everyone? What? Are you serious? Fuck. I swore this wouldn’t happen again after that guy in the restroom gave me a paper towel and said he didn’t do that for everyone..that I was special. DAMMIT JULIO. YOU AND YOUR SWEET SWEET LIES.

Jul.01.2008 Lindsay Lohan continues to be hot

Yeah there’s no real news hook here but whatever, everything isn’t interesting today and it’s a holiday week. Check out the latest photos from a Lindsay Lohan photoshoot in Brit mag ZOO.

Maybe this is just me, but I enjoy watching women get ready to go out. Putting on make-up, clothes, checking themselves out in a mirror…I find it very sexy. Which is great because women take so long getting ready, amirite 1980s comedian talking about male/female interaction? Haha so many pairs of shoes! Whatever, nobody’s reading this text anyway. There’s a fine ass in booty shorts above me. So I guess this is a good time for me to come out of the clos…wait, what if the image doesn’t work properly? And what if my parents read this? Man, I should stop thinking in text in blog posts.