Nov.04.2008 Quote of the Day
You’ve probably heard of every type of addiction…how about this one? An addiction to lip balm (addiction to being a complete homo: included).
“It’s been about 13 years, six months and two days,” says Kevin Crossman, who will share his full name now that he’s gotten past the shame. “I went cold turkey.”
Crossman, who’s a Web site manager in San Francisco, says his addiction started with cherry-flavored ChapStick. It tasted good and felt nice on his lips. “It wasn’t very cool to have pinkish lips, but I couldn’t help it,” he says, adding that before he quit, he was using dozens of times a day and that his lips felt naked without it.
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Apr.02.2008 Chris Farley’s friends are dicks
A new book about the death of Chris Farley is coming out and some stuff from it has been leaked. Main takeaway so far: Chris Farley’s friends kind of suck.
The book by Farley’s brother Tom Farley and Tanner Colby quoted several of the actor’s friends, who saw the tragedy coming a mile down the line. Excerpts from “Last Days” will run in May’s Playboy, which hits newsstands Friday.
Former “Saturday Night Live” star Chevy Chase recalled how he dressed down Farley while preparing for a reunion show: “Look, you’re not John Belushi. And when you overdose or kill yourself, you will not have the same acclaim that John did . . . You’ll be a blip in the New York Times obituaries page, and that’ll be it. Is that what you want?”
Farley’s sidekick David Spade said he’s still taking heat for failing to save Tommy Boy: “I got a lot of s - - - at the end about ‘Why weren’t you there for him?’ But being that close, I dealt with it all the time. And in that situation, before the guy’s dead, he’s just kind of an a - -hole. Truth is, you get a junkie who’s wasted all the time and moody and angry and trying to knock you around, you say, ‘OK, you go do that, and I’ll be over here.’
Chevy Chase is kind of a prick. When I was in like fourth grade, he was at some reading thing I went to for school. And my parents asked him for an autograph but he just ran by and said he didn’t have time. But he had time. At that same event, I got something signed by Christie Brinkley. She totally wanted my unable-to-ejaculate hairless genitals in her face. I could tell.
Oh yeah Chris Farley. Whatever he was a fat druggy. But he kind of was your friend. So maybe just going “BAH YOU’RE NOT TALENTED” or just leaving him alone isn’t the greatest idea. And yes, he’s big and, if you’re David Spade-sized, that might not be too easy to control. But if you’re a friend, you’ve got to be creative. I’d buy a big polar bear that would smack him in the head every time he tried to drink or do drugs. How would I get the bear to smack him in the head? Two words: Salmon hat. I would have been such a great rehab counselor…if it weren’t for the whole giving cocaine to female addicts for blowjobs. But other than that…pretty great.
Mar.05.2008 Lindsay Lohan is back on track!
Sure she’s been through rehabs and car accidents and failed movies and aborted movies and probably abortions, but this time, Lindsay Lohan is BACK!
“My life was distracted by certain things and that got in the way of work,” Lohan, 21, said Tuesday at the Paper Magazine and Diesel luncheon celebrating this month’s cover story. “But now I’m back on track and figuring out what’s next.”
So what is next for the starlet? She is getting ready to start shooting the comedy Ye Olde Times with Jack Black and David Arquette. Plus, there’s another album in the works.
“I’m recording right now [with] Motown and being in the studio again has been really great,” she said of her “dance, hip-hop and R&B album,” adding, “It’s all coming together.”
First stop on the Lohan FixerUpper Tour: Her cocaine dealer’s house. It’s cool though. Cocaine helps her think! Think about stuff like driving really quickly and grinding her teeth and rambling some plot about how she’s going to become the Queen of England.
I fully support a Lindsay Lohan comeback. And I want to believe that she’s really going to follow through with it. The nude photoshoot for New York Magazine was a great start. Let’s build on that momentum with a serious acting role that reestablishes her as a talent. Maybe an appearance on The View. And oh yeah…blowing me. That’s a great way to turn over a new leaf. At least that’s what I tell the girls at the Halfway Houses.
