Jul.18.2008 Man beats the gay out of son with bat
Thank God for Fark. On a day like today where I can’t find anything good, it’s nice to have a feel-good story about life, love, the pursuit of happiness, and assaulting your gay son.
Violence broke out Sunday in Anderson when an 18-year-old man returned home from a gay pride parade and was assaulted by his father.
According to the Anderson County Sheriff’s Office, the battering took place about 1 p.m. Sunday on P Street.
During the assault, the teen’s 49-year-old father yelled, cursed, swung a baseball bat, prayed and tried to “cast the demon of homosexuality out of him,” according to the teen’s version of events to Deputy S.C. Weymouth, the incident report states.
About 2 p.m. Wednesday, the teen said his father punched him when he returned to the house for clothes that he left on Sunday, the report states.
The teen told deputies that his father “has a problem with him being gay and that is why he hit him with the baseball bat Sunday,” Weymouth said in his report.
Lol looks like we found the real Batman, amirite guys? Lolamirite?
I can’t say I support the guy beating his son, but I guess it would be frustrating if when you curl up your fist to punch him, he bends over and spreads his ass cheeks out of habit. Who knows, the father may have walked in and saw the son fellating the bat and was just like “ARGH LAST STRAW”. The bat is the real victim here. It didn’t ask for all of this.
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Jul.10.2008 Men want to synchronized swim too
You women and your ovaries get all the breaks. Not only do you get all the plum jobs, higher salaries, and easy YouTube views, but you also get to do synchronized swimming in the Olympics, unlike Kenyon Smith.
Male synchronized swimmers attract attention not just because they’re men dressed in the aquatic version of figure-skating costumes but because their sexuality is constantly in question. Of course, some are gay, like the eight guys who make up Tsunami Tsynchro, a team in San Francisco. These men, whose day jobs range from architect to aerospace engineer, say they’re not bothered by the perception. “We’re willing to let people think what they want about the sexual-orientation part of it,” says Dan Stevens, a 42-year-old public-relations-firm owner and Tsunami Tsynchro member, “but it’s fighting words when people say men don’t belong in the sport.”
Smith, who is the only male competing today and the only one on his team, the Aquamaids, from Santa Clara, California, takes the stereotyping a little harder. In middle school he was mocked so much for being a synchronized swimmer that he wanted to quit. “A lot of people thought I was gay,” he says.
He isn’t—although he’s never dated a teammate, he admits to liking some of them. And some of them have liked him too. “I’ve had to break some hearts, unfortunately,” he says. (Some of the girls asked his sister and fellow Aquamaid Layla for help getting Smith to go out with them. “I stay out of all that drama,” she says.) He’s come up with a retort for guys who think the fact that he can do an elegant underwater pirouette makes him gay. “I’m the one who gets to hang out with a group of girls in bikinis every day,” he says.
Wow, what a clever retort. You know who else gets to hang out with half-naked women all day? Stylists, photographers, fashion designers, nurses, women’s rights activists, and priests. So clearly proximity to women is always directly correlated with heterosexuality. Then again, they also don’t have to pick out a one-piece and tassels with the women they work with, so maybe that is an extra bit of manliness for you to hang your hat on.
In related news, if this guy is pulling more tail than I am, I may need to reevaluate my life. In the form of a shotgun blast.
But despite finishing second in the solo competition at the 2007 national championships, and unlike the girls with whom he spends six hours wearing nose clips every day, Smith isn’t eligible for a synchro scholarship. And no matter how far he manages to rocket out of the water or how expressive he is during the chlorine-soaked ballets, unless the rules change he’ll never represent his country at the Olympics. The highest levels of the sport are closed to guys.
But despite finishing second in the solo competition at the 2007 national championships, and unlike the girls with whom he spends six hours wearing nose clips every day, Smith isn’t eligible for a synchro scholarship. And no matter how far he manages to rocket out of the water or how expressive he is during the chlorine-soaked ballets, unless the rules change he’ll never represent his country at the Olympics. The highest levels of the sport are closed to guys.
I say let the little fruit compete. Though the culmination of the article has Smith losing to a girl from Stanford (Sara Lowe, who ironically seems to be much burlier than Smith), he seems perfectly capable of traipsing around a pool, dancing about in the water, and making countless competitors from other countries extremely uncomfortable. And frankly, isn’t that the American way?
Jun.24.2008 Boy George can’t get a visa
Not the credit card (that would be me…I have bad credits :( ), but a work visa. And his dozens and dozens of fans will be heartbroken to know that his tour is now canceled.
Culture Club frontman Boy George has been forced to cancel his North American summer tour after U.S. authorities refused to issue him a visa, citing looming legal issues overseas.
George’s 24-date North American trek was scheduled to begin July 11 at the House of Blues in Las Vegas, and wrap August 23 at the House of Blues in Dallas.
“At the moment, Boy George cannot come to the United States of America because he has been refused permission to enter by the USA Administration,” read a statement from the artist’s management. “This is not in respect of anything he has done in the past but because he is facing a trial in November in London for something that happened in April last year.”
George was arrested last year after a 28-year-old male escort from Norway accused the singer/DJ of false imprisonment and assault. George later denied the allegations and was released on bail.
Fun fact: I always thought Boy George and George Michael were the same guy. Then I was researching jokes for this and was like, “Wow, these are two different dudes.” I just thought George Michael was really committed to the Boy George gimmick.
Anyway I was going to say, assuming that this was George Michael, that the reason his visa was denied was because they asked him his reason for visit and he said “Restroom glory holes.” Then they asked if he was smuggling anything and he said no, but he was hoping to smuggle some bones. I guess these jokes can still apply to Boy George but still. Disappointing.
Jun.18.2008 The Rock loves the Cock
I’d be lying if I said I weren’t writing this post just for that headline. Anyway, Dwayne “The Not Rock” Johnson said kissing Steve Carell was fantastic.
Who would have guessed that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would go from wrestling the world’s best to kissing a man for money? And Johnson actually enjoyed the experience.
“One of the skills I had to learn and become proficient in is kissing a man. I had never kissed a man,” he told Pop Tarts at the Los Angeles premiere of “Get Smart” on Monday evening. “Will Smith did it in his movies, so did Jake Gyllenhaal, and I figured it was my time. So it was me and [Steve] Carell — fantastic.”
Carell (aka Maxwell Smart) fails to escape Johnson as Agent 23 during a fight scene toward the end of the flick, so he uses lip-locking as his ultimate weapon of defense.
Yes, what a stretch. A man goes from rolling around on a mat with other sweaty men and doing interviews about shining objects up and shoving them in someone’s rectum to liking kissing a man. Wow. Stunner. Did you know that parrots often enjoy the flavor of a cracker? Will wonders ever cease?
I think any man would probably kiss Steve Carell though. Gosh he’s so funny. So smart. Hair always well done. And he has a surprisingly taut body. Yeah, that’s the kind of man you can really see yourself with. Mmm. Make love to me Steve. That’s what he said. Tee hee.
Jun.16.2008 Gay marriage just got even sexier
You know what’s hot? Two sexy ladies sharing some lovin’. You can see why this article about a lesbian couple of 55 years got me go..*vomit*…ing.
Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin fell in love at a time when lesbians risked being arrested, fired from their jobs and sent to electroshock treatment.
On Monday afternoon, more than a half-century after they became a couple, Lyon and Martin plan to become the first same-sex couples to legally exchange marriage vows in San Francisco and among the first in the state.
“It was something you wanted to know, ‘Is it really going to happen?’ And now it’s happened, and maybe it can continue to happen,” Lyon said.
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom plans to officiate at the private ceremony in his City Hall office before 50 invited guests. He picked Martin, 87, and Lyon, 84, for the front of the line in recognition of their long relationship and their status as pioneers of the gay rights movement.
Mmm check out those two sexy babes up there. Nothing would get me hotter than that saucy little prune sandwich. Yeah, sniff her hair, Del. Oh…a couple clumps came out eh? Yeah well, that’s what cervical cancer will do I guess. Kiss her naughty place. Yeahhhhh…wait…move that cobweb out of the way first. How did that get there? Just slide a finger in. Don’t worry, put a little WD-40 on your hand and it’ll be fine…wait, looks like there’s something stuck in there. Is that a newspaper that says “Dewey Defeats Truman”? You can use your mouth. Mmm…it looks like you’re a zombie trying to feed yourself off of Albert Einstein.
Oh baby, nothing hotter than a couple of experienced women doing sexy things. Thanks for that, gay marriage. Without you, there would be no “flannel wedding gown” industry.
Jun.12.2008 Boy Scouts get smited…smote? Is it smote?
Whatever the past participle may be of “smite” may be, some Boy Scouts in Iowa got fucked up by a tornado. Tornados: 1, Homoerotic children’s clubs: 0, Ties: 1.
Frightened Boy Scouts huddled in a shelter as a tornado tore through their western Iowa campground, killing four people and injuring 48 others who had little to no warning of the approaching twister.
Tornadoes also touched down in Kansas, Minnesota and Nebraska on Wednesday. They killed at least two people in northern Kansas, destroyed much of the small town of Chapman and caused extensive damage on the Kansas State University campus.
In Iowa, rescue workers cut their way through downed branches and dug through debris amid rain and lightning Wednesday night to reach the camp where the 93 boys, ages 13 to 18, and 25 staff members were attending a weeklong leadership training camp.
The boys were split into two groups when the storm hit the Little Sioux Scout Ranch in the remote Loess Hills. One group managed to take shelter, while the other was out hiking.
Hmm, it would appear as though they misspelled “fucking” in that last paragraph. Can’t FOX afford a good copy editor? Jeez.
The death/injury toll seems to be a little too even though for my tastes. Almost like they were paired off. And stuck together. As if each Boy Scout had a partner, sometimes another Boy Scout, sometimes a Troop Leader. Perhaps they were entangled in some way, one caught inside the other like a hairless Chinese finger trap.
I remember when my dad took me to an introductory Boy Scout meeting when I was little. I was like, seven years old maybe, and I just remember thinking “Holy shit this is so gay.” And that was before the ceremonial “dry finger in the asshole” introduction. At least if it’s slippery, you can say it slid in (ask my girlfriend). But apparently you don’t understand discretion when you’re one with nature.
May.30.2008 Google’s new logo is kind of gay
So I’m hanging out on the ol’ Internet today and I see that Google’s “FavIcon” (the little logo that appears next to a bookmark or tab on your browser) has changed. And it’s fucking awful looking.
It just looks feminine to me. Like I should be browsing for slender hairless men named Jorge to pleasure me. Or maybe reading a blog about how men suck and I should enjoy the time I spend with my female friends because that’s the best relationship I’ll ever have. And then my anus started bleeding though, not gonna lie, that may be unrelated.
