So I think Hillary Clinton is a cunt. Right now you’re thinking, “But Chris, you’re often so even-handed and handsome when discussing prominent women, how could you make such a bold assessment?” And you’d be right. There are many reasons. Here’s today’s reason why: Maya Angelou posting some bullshit on her blog. I’m running the whole thing because I want you to see.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

This is not the first time you have seen Hillary Clinton seemingly at her wits end, but she has always risen, always risen, much to the dismay of her adversaries and the delight of her friends.

Hillary Clinton will not give up on you and all she asks of you is that you do not give up on her.

There is a world of difference between being a woman and being an old female. If you’re born a girl, grow up, and live long enough, you can become an old female. But, to become a woman is a serious matter. A woman takes responsibility for the time she takes up and the space she occupies.

Hillary Clinton is a woman. She has been there and done that and has still risen. She is in this race for the long haul. She intends to make a difference in our country.

She is the prayer of every woman and man who long for fair play, healthy families, good schools, and a balanced economy.

She declares she wants to see more smiles in the families, more courtesies between men and women, more honesty in the marketplace. Hillary Clinton intends to help our country to what it can become.

She means to rise.

She means to help our country rise. Don’t give up on her, ever.

In fact, if you help her to rise, you will rise with her and help her make this country a wonderful, wonderful place where every man and every woman can live freely without sanctimonious piety, without crippling fear.

Rise Hillary.

Rise.

I don’t know think Maya Angelou knows what she’s started. Not only did she back The Cackling White She-Devil, but she blatantly spat in the face of Oprah, who’s of course backing BoH-supported presidential nominee Barack Obama. Do you really want to get into a Prominent Black Lady-off with Oprah, Maya Angelou? If you think that Hood Oprah won’t come out and you won’t end up with a shank in your liver, you’re sadly mistaken. Oprah is not to be trifled with yo. Your repeated action verbs and short yet somehow longwinded poetry cannot save you from the beating that you have incurred.

Also Hillary’s blog is called “blogHillary”. She’s totally trying to deceive the public by tacking herself onto my blog name. If I look quickly, I get confused and go “What the hell why am I writing about why we need to reform our healthcare system or that trip I took to Lane Bryant*” but then I get angry and shake my fist at the sky yelling, “DAMN YOU HILLARY, YOU’VE FOOLED ME AGAIN.” And scene.

*or insert your fat lady clothing store of choice here

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This is kind of old but, whatever, I only do midgets once a week. That’s just the way it works. Remember La Pequena Amy Winehouse? Well that midget is really making a go of it. Check out his newest drag-based impersonation…La Pequena Hillary Clinton.

On the plus side, I absolutely would fuck him over the real Hillary Clinton. What can I say? He has thinner calves.

I challenge you to not watch that more than once. The song and the dance combine for a hypnotic, drug-like experience.