Sep.04.2008 Running over ladies will not make them want to bed you
Some guy tried to get some foxy ladies at a doughnut shop in California. Unfortunately, they rejected him, so he responded like any logical person might…by trying to run all three of them down with his car.
A Pasadena, Calif. man has been charged with trying to run down three women who spurned his advances at Newport Beach.
Prosecutors said Wednesday that Bryan Curiel faces life in prison if convicted of several felony charges, including attempted murder.
Farrah Emami, spokeswoman for the Orange County district attorney, says the women rejected Curiel’s advances inside a doughnut shop Sunday and told him to leave them alone.
When they had left the shop, Curiel allegedly drove at least 50 mph toward the women and three of their friends before crashing into several concrete bench
Ha yeah what a dumbass. Doesn’t he know that you only run them down after sex? I learned that from GTA! Did you also know the cheat code to make a woman have an orgasm is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, select? Yep, learned that in GTA too! Girls are easy when you learn about them in digital form.
This guy also seems to lack the fundamental ability to take advantage of his surroundings. Why get all bent out of shape about these girls? What, you wanted to have sex with them? Dude…you’re surrounded by God’s vagina…the DONUT! Donuts won’t yell at you or make you feel like less of a man. They will love you and, if you feel so inclined, taste delicious in your mouth. You can even introduce yourself to a jelly donut and pretend it’s a lady on her period!
Yes, my wife is a donut. And I’m proud. Damned proud.
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Jun.17.2008 Kid kisses ear, causes deafness
No, not a sudden ability to beatbox and do some ill poppin’ and lockin’, but rather actual loss of hearing. Some kid kissed her mom’s ear and it was all downhill from there.
What’s in a kiss?
That’s what a Hicksville, N.Y. mother would like to know after her young daughter’s kiss left her with hearing loss and tinnitus, Newsday reported.
When Gail Schwartzman’s daughter, who is now 6, kissed Schwartzman’s ear, it wasn’t the sound that damaged her hearing, it was the suction force, which displaced the eardrum and paralyzed a trio of bones.
The incident happened two years ago, but will be the subject of an upcoming medical journal report, which outlines “the kiss of deaf.”
“That was some kiss,” said Lisa Freeman of the American Tinnitus Foundation. “Typically (loud noises are) the perception of sound in the ears or head. This can range from ringing, clicking, swishing or buzzing and can cycle to movements of highs and lows.”
“The moral here is simple,” said Levi Reiter, chairman of audiology at Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y., who studied Schwartzman’s case and said a similar incident happened in the 1950s. “Try not to hurt the ones you love.”
Yeah, and definitely don’t fuck the ear of someone you love either. Sure, there are few things as satisfying as humping the head of someone you love and ejaculating on both their hammer and anvil, but proceed with caution. Unless you’re dating Helen Keller. In which case, JACKPOT!..until you get the water bill, I guess. Always with the water, Helen. That shit ain’t free.
