An elderly couple in Green Bay has been troubled by a repetitive noise for the past two years. The problem is, no one else can hear it.

Bob and Leona Ehrfurth say the noise that’s been plaguing them for two years sounds something like a rumbling motor, with a subtle vibration that won’t quit. Then it stops — especially when they try to show city officials or acoustic experts what they’re hearing.

It’s enough to keep 76-year-old Leona from sleeping.

“It’s like there’s a semi parked right outside with the engine running, but when you look out, there isn’t one,” she said.

She and her husband, who is 75, have lived in the same house for 42 years. The problem only developed over the last two years.

Her husband can sleep through it but also finds it irritating.

“It doesn’t matter if the windows are open or closed — you still hear it,” he said. “It’s worse in the winter.”

When they leave, the don’t hear the noise, he said, so they know it’s not some health problem the two share.

City officials hired a company for $1,000 worth of testing in the house this spring, but the tester came up with no noise and no significant vibration.

Not some health problem they both share? I disagree. It’s a very serious health problem affecting millions of the elderly across the globe. That problem? The cold breath of sweet lady Death sneaking up behind you. Except you’re old, so it doesn’t really have to sneak any more. It can probably run. And jump around the house. And play hopscotch. And then if it tried to talk to you, you’d be all like “WHA? GERTIE, THIS SKELETON GENTLEMAN IS WHISPERING TOO QUIETLY,” even when Death is yelling. It kind of takes the joy out of it, I’d assume.

Who would have thought that a love built on sex tapes and vacant stares could fall apart like this: Pamela Anderson and Rick Solomon had their marriage annulled.

Anderson, 40, initially filed for divorce last December after two months of marriage.

On February 22, she sought an annulment, citing fraud. On Friday, Salomon, 39, also filed papers seeking an annulment (he, too, checked the box marked “fraud.”)

Neither has explained why they cited fraud.

They wed last October in Las Vegas after one month of dating.

Don’t you have to have not consummated the marriage (i.e. been penis-diddled) to have a marriage annulled? Because there’s no way they didn’t have sex. In fact, if that is the case, I’m pretty sure Pamela Anderson couldn’t get a marriage annulled with any man in her life. The mailman, her limo driver, that guy who installed her satellite dish, Larry King…they’ve all probably gotten a spin at one point or another. Her vagina probably sounds like a haunted house when you open her legs. Just creaking, a musky smell, and a sense of many atrocities having been committed there. Probably slime too. And perhaps a jive-talking ghost who says that the property value’s been “Goin’ a-wayyyyyyy downnnnnah.”

Some old dude who was clinging to his dead wife’s voice on an outgoing voicemail message lost it due to service upgrades. For more on this subject, position your eyes 3 inches lower than this line.

An 80-year-old widower who’d been saving his dead wife’s outgoing message on voicemail so that he’d remember what she sounded like lost it when Verizon upgraded phone service in his area.

Charles Whiting told New York’s Journal News that he stayed connected to the memory of his wife Catherine by calling his phone every day just to hear her say, “The Whitings aren’t home.”

But after the Verizon upgrade in the Westchester, N.Y., area, the greeting message was wiped from his voicemail system.

Whiting said he immediately phoned the company, waiting an entire hour to be helped and even getting disconnected at one stage. After calling back and holding another 90 minutes, he was told the outgoing message Catherine had recorded had been lost for good.

“That’s the only recording of her voice that I have,” Whiting told The Journal News. “Every time I listened to my messages, I heard her voice saying, ‘This is Catherine Whiting.’ It was like she was still with me when I heard that. Now they took her voice away.”

Well, that’s kind of depressing. This is why I’m totally opposed to Ghostbusters and the way in which they insist on busting ghosts. It’s like, some ghosts don’t need to be busted man. They just hang out and talk to their ex and maybe occasionally jerk them off and leave a slime trail and then create a new slime trail with the love slime that comes from their lover. It’s a pretty good deal actually because if you have sex with a ghost, you don’t have to buy them dinner afterwards or get them a towel.

I didn’t cover this really, but by now you probably know that Patrick Swayze is supposed to die in about five weeks. But the good news is his life hasn’t changed at all!

While Wednesday’s statement on the condition of Patrick Swayze from his physician, Dr. George Fisher, did not go into the specific treatment that the actor is receiving, Swayze’s rep did offer some additional information.

Swayze is currently undergoing chemotherapy – not radiation – and he has not lost his hair (which can sometimes happen as a result of chemo), the star’s publicist, Annett Wolf, tells PEOPLE.

In addition, she said, Swayze’s daily routine has remained unchanged, and his doctors are extremely optimistic regarding his prognosis.

Well that’s good that his daily routine is unchanged. Uh, other than the TRYING NOT TO DIE VERY QUICKLY portion of his day. That’s slightly changed.

Even better, we’re now one step closer to a real life sequel to Ghost! Watch out for the black ghosts Patrick Swayze! They’ll violently rape you in real life! With soda cans!