Jun.29.2009 Going.com has a classy Michael Jackson tribute
I once did a pub crawl with Going.com which, of course, means that I have to get their emails in perpetuity for the rest of my life. Now don’t get me wrong, I could care less, but this marketing email (pictured below) that I got about a “Tribute to Michael Jackson: King of Pop Pub Crawl” struck me as a bit tacky.
I personally think it’s pretty scummy to marry yourself to some sort of tragedy to make money, but hey, whatever works. I don’t think that “moonwalking down 2nd Avenue” is going to cut it though. If you’re going to do a Michael Jackson “tribute,” do it all the way. Let’s get a Brooke Shields look alike to walk out of a bar with me, then try to kiss me as a I go, “Oh, look at the time! Gotta go!” then vomit in a garbage pail for an hour. Then let me flamboyantly smash the shit out of a car like it was my abusive stage father. Then we can cruise by a playground where I make vague but inappropriate gestures towards kids and ultimately pass out in a gutter after getting painkillers injected straight into my bloodstream. Now THAT sounds like good times. So long as I don’t have to throw Clorox on my skin at some point. Not sure I’d pay for that one.
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
May.21.2009 The May 21 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with soccer balls
Hot chick gets hit in the head by a soccer ball. I like the way her mouth looks when it happens
funnyinteresting
-Most redneck DUI ever
-Christian Bale’s doodles on the set of Terminator (funny pic)
-The 10 deadliest plagues in history
-Is it actually a good idea to open up to a woman?
-Female bodybuilders and the odd men who love them
-What chicks think about losing their virginity
-The top 5 sex products that really shouldn’t exist
-Handjobs for the future
-10 of the most annoying supporting sitcom characters in TV history
-Drunkenness and a gun? Great idea!
-25 inappropriate Ronald McDonald photos
-6 bizarre photos from the “Night at the Museum” sequel
-The top Web sites for laughing at other people
girls
-Hey, Adriana Lima’s nipples! What a treat! (NSFW)
-Two girls totally take advantage of a tree (NSFWish and kind of odd to be honest)
-Smoking hot chick in lingerie + adorable puppy = Most clickable chick today
-Kim Kardashian and her big ass pretend to be athletic
-Hot blonde does a Web cam strip tease (NSFW)
-Jessica Simpson’s top 10 nipple slips
-I like Patricia Conde’s asscrack
-Olivia Wilde…kind of an idiot
-All the info on hot Star Trek whores you can possibly need
-Hayden Panettiere may have a penis
-Myspace girl Haley has a hot, average college girl look I adore
May.20.2009 Kiefer Sutherland is good at sobriety
The 24 finale made me kind of sad because, well, I thought it kind of blew. But when searching for Kiefer Sutherland-related Internet stuffs, I came across this old photo and it amused me quite a bit, so here it is.
My favorite part of the photo is the nonchalance with which Kiefer is sitting there, like this is a totally normal situation and everything is status quo. That’s the thing with celebrities…when Kiefer does something like this in a restaurant, it’s “Oh, that wacky drunk!” But when I do something like this in a similar establishment, the guy in the Chuck E. Cheese costume just won’t stop hassling me. Hey, if the Skee Ball machine didn’t want to see my erect penis, maybe it shouldn’t have been so loose with its holes.
May.14.2009 Quote of the Day
This might be the most fantastically quote-filled article ever…from a drunken traffic stop. Read the whole thing for more laughs.
“During (our) interview, the driver was irate at the passenger and kept yelling at him for asking the police if we had any weed,” the officers wrote.
As police interviewed Belviso and Skupien, a passenger still in the rear seat of the car, Steven Carney, 17, opened another beer.
When Palermo asked Carney what he was doing, he told him, “If I’m going to jail, I might as well be (expletive) juiced.”
Palermo told Carney to put the beer down, but, in the officers words, “he kept chugging it.” When Palermo attempted to take the beer from Carney, the teen responded by throwing the beer at the officer.
Carney then got out of the car and attempted to fight the officers, flexing his muscles and shouting “What the (expletive).”
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May.12.2009 The most sexual harassmentastic judge around!
Sexual harassment isn’t a joke. But when it goes on for years against a variety of women and ends with the judge collecting his full pension for the rest of his life, you have to laugh or you’ll cry. Or be aroused.
“And this is how you’re going to want to use your hand on their rectum…”
A disgraced federal judge was sentenced yesterday to nearly three years in prison for lying to investigators about sexually abusing two female employees, who said that they feared him so much they hid from him in the courthouse.
U.S. District Judge Samuel Kent stared at the floor while the women described years of harassment and abuse at the Galveston courthouse, where he wielded great authority as the only federal judge.
Cathy McBroom, Kent’s former case manager, said that he had “bragged” about his ability to intimidate people. “He told me everyone was afraid of him.” McBroom’s complaint began the case, which expanded when allegations from the judge’s secretary Donna Wilkerson were added.
McBroom said that making the complaint had been “incredibly stressful” and led to the breakup of her marriage and the loss of her home. She said that it had forced her to give up what she considered her dream job and put her entire life under a public and legal microscope.
“One would think I was the criminal,” said McBroom, 50.
Wilkerson told of seven years of abuse by Kent and said that he had tried to molest her on her fifth day on the job. Responding to defense allegations that she had been a willing partner in a romantic affair, she said, “Being molested and groped by a drunken giant is not my idea of an affair.”
[Kent's attorney, Dick DeGuerin] DeGuerin has said that the judge was retiring due to a disability, which is the only way a judge Kent’s age could leave the bench and keep his $169,300-a-year salary. Retired federal judges collect their full salaries for the remainder of their lives; judges who resign get nothing.
Wait, so I can molest someone and get $170,000 a year? And I’ve been doing it for free for all these years? I knew I should have gone to law school instead of…uh, well I didn’t really do anything in it’s place so, uh, instead of not going to law school. Plus then I could insist everyone refer to me as Chris, Esq. Finally all the titular pleasure of hanging out with Robin Hood without any of the giving money to the poor.
You don’t know how many times I’ve tried the, “Oh, it was a willing affair,” defense but it can go either way. For example, it doesn’t work well when the girl can’t talk. Hey, it’s not my fault that love happened at that Helen Keller sound-alike festival. As my fair lady said, “Ahhhhheeeeeeeeyyyyyahhhhhhh,” which either translates to “I love him” or “My ass is bleeding and painful.” Oh if only we knew which.
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Mar.24.2009 The March 24 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with the Numa Numa guy
The Numa Numa guy was a viral success so, of course, he’s trying his luck again with another lipsynching. Enjoy.
funnyinteresting
-What happens when your subconscious is a big racist? (funny vid)
-The #1 air hockey player on Earth and various other heroes of stuff-that-isn’t-quite a sport
-The top 10 videos of people getting fucked up by exercise balls
-10 of the best dirtily-named UK towns as presented by Google Maps
-Women’s tennis is being overtaken by some hermaphrodite
-The 10 most annoying cartoon characters ever
-My son has a penis problem (long, but funny - real messageboard post)
-Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore is pulling some amazing tail, vigorously, at his advanced age
-Kitty in a paper bag is adorable, probably animal torture (vid)
-30 extremely odd car accidents (pics)
-The Cock Shot (Shamwow parody…funny vid)
-5 mixed drinks men can have without being total fruits
girls
-Brittny Gastineau has lovely cleavage
-Laura Torrisi is Italian and Italian girls have awesome boobs. And pizza.
-All the hottest chicks love Jeff Foxworthy. Wait, what?
-The 10 hottest female celebrity nerds
-Hayden Panettiere wears daisy dukes
-One of the Lingerie Football League’s QBs has topless photos (links to NSFW pics)
-Jessica Stroup looks good in a slinky little skintight dress
Mar.18.2009 Lesbian attacks wife with brother’s sperm
Lesbianism? Drunken attacks? Sperm? This is perhaps the story of the year.
A WOMAN in a lesbian marriage has been arrested in the US after allegedly attempting to forcibly inject her brother’s sperm into her wife.
Stephanie Lighten, 26, allegedly threw Jennifer Lighten, 33, on a couch in the couple’s home in Pittsfield, Massachusetts and threatened to impregnate her with “a turkey baster” filled with semen from Stephanie’s brother, letzgetreal.com reports.
The “turkey baster” was a large syringe with a catheter tip, according to police, who confisicated it, a container of semen donated by Stephanie’s brother , Nicholas Lighten, and some aluminium that also apparently had contained the semen.
According to Jennifer she struggled with a “liquored up” Stephanie on the couch who grabbed at Jennifer’s clothes.
Jennifer ran to the bathroom and locked herself in but allegedly Stephanie broke down the door hurting her wrist in the process.
Jennifer then fled from the house and started to drive away in the couple’s 4WD vehicle but was halted when Stephanie jumped on the side of the car.
A witness at the scene said Stephanie “was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car.”
This is like a horror movie. A sexy horror movie where the weapon is lesbian lust and a turkey baster full of sperm. Which is more like a porn spoof of a horror movie than an actual horror movie, but whatever. I could see how it’d be confusing to get attacked by a turkey baster full of sperm while you’re trying to take a nap on the couch. I really support lesbians and their right to a normal life, so I can completely relate to this story. I mean, I attack women all the time with my human turkey baster full of sperm and they’re typically horrified (assuming that I didn’t give them enough chloroform) so I definitely relate to Stephanie’s plight. Bitches need to learn to sleep heavier.
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