Jun.30.2009 Quote of the Day
I’m not sure what’s more troubling about this story…that someone has to specifically ask not to have their lawn defecated on or that the other guy doing the defecating was so angered and offended that he couldn’t do it. Either way, this amused me.
It was a simple request: “Don’t defecate on my lawn.” But shortly after making it, the head of homeowner Elias Ramirez of Bridgeport was met by a black plastic milk crate Saturday night, police told the Connecticut Post.
Gabriel Venegas, 34, was apparently the guy who unbuckled his pants and squat on Ramirez’s lawn. When ordered off the property, he apparently became enraged, threw the milk crate and took off.
Police picked him up a short time later. In booking, the Connecticut Post reports he became uncooperative, refusing to give his name and birthday.
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Jun.30.2009 Cross-dressing clowns are always causing problems
Parades in general can get pretty out of hand. But even still, it’s hard to say any has gotten quite as out of hand as Denver’s Pridefest, in which a cross-dressing clown committed a robbery at gunpoint.
Not the clown in question, but you’d be surprised at how few cross-dressing clowns the Internet yields
The Boulder Police Department is looking for a cross-dressing man wearing clown makeup who robbed a liquor store on Saturday night.
Boulder police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said officers received a call from the Boulder Beer Emporium, on the 4700 block of Table Mesa Drive, just before midnight. The caller said that the store was robbed.
The witnesses described the robber as a man wearing red and white face makeup, a red and purple wig, a fake nose and a denim dress. Employees told police they didn’t think anything was peculiar when he walked into the store because of the Pridefest events happening over the weekend in Denver, Huntley said.
The clerk said the man walked up to an employee in the store and asked for help in a feminine voice, saying, “Will you help me? My husband is out of work.”
After being rebuked by the employee, the man walked to the checkout stand and showed the clerk a pistol.
The man did not take any beer or liquor and left with an undisclosed amount of money, Huntley said. The robber fled on foot just as two other customers were walking into the store, Huntley said.
You know whom I’m really concerned for? The gay cross-dressing clowns who don’t rob liquor stores. They’re just trying to live a normal life filled with clown make-up, shopping at Lane Bryant, and sodomy. They don’t need this social stigma hanging over their head.
This really should be taken as a wake-up call for Gay Pride parades across the country though. A cross-dressing clown came into a liquor store during a Gay Pride Parade and the store owner didn’t find this unusual. If that’s not a sign that you need to tone it down a bit, I don’t know what is.
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Jun.29.2009 Quote of the Day
This is just an odd story…not a quote, but quite possibly the oddest sentence written in the history of journalism. Video of the incident in question is here.
Police in Warren, Ohio, released video of a woman who was interrogated by officers with a baby squirrel in her shirt.
She was brought into the station to be questioned about a crime.
The detective sat amazed as the woman continued the conversation while tucking the squirrel into her cleavage.
Police let the woman and her animal friend go.
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Jun.26.2009 Assault with a deadly Cheeto
Snack treats are great…delicious, fattening, and they also make fantastically creative weapons in assault.
A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry — Cheetos.
Warrents filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff’s Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.
According to Roddy’s report, the pair became “involved in a verbal altercation” with each other “at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault.”
“There was evidence of the assault,” the report read, “however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.”
According to the Shelbyville Times-Gazette, both posted bond of $2,500.
Maybe that’ll teach him to bogart the Cheetos Lip Balm.
This is just disappointing to hear. Cheetos are supposed to bring people together, not tear them apart. The coked up cheetah who overcame addiction and the fact that he’s an animal to slave over chemical beakers in a lab and make a delicious snack treat will be absolutely mortified when he reads about this. How could you hurt such an innocent land animal? He’d never want something like this to happen. Not a water animal though…Charlie Tuna is practically begging for you to bash someone’s head in with one of his oversized tubs of his relatives. He has no scruples.
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Jun.26.2009 Quote of the Day
Some guy wielding a shotgun threatened to kill a man. But he got charged with assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. Yeah. You think about that.
Carrying a 20-gauge shotgun, Jack Evan Williams, 54, chased a man home after their heated argument. Williams pointed the shotgun at the man and said, “I’m gonna kill you (expletive).”
The man ran into his neighbor’s home to get away from Williams.
Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Williams June 18, the night of the incident, after finding the gun in his bedroom.
Based on the investigation, William’s arrest report said he willingly and knowingly violated “aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.”
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Jun.26.2009 Mother of 550-pound kid jailed for neglect
Obesity is a serious problem in America, but fortunately some brave souls are looking it square in the face and going, “Eh, nothing I can do.” But then there are cops arresting them for it.
This is not the fat kid in question, but wow, what a cool fatty
A mother is being charged with neglecting her obese teenage son, raising issues about whether the government has the right to intervene in one’s family life.
Born and raised in South Carolina, Alexander Draper grew up to reach a dangerous 555 pounds by the age of 14. That’s when law enforcement stepped in.
“The first and foremost concern is Alexander’s health,” Lt. Shea Smith told CBS News.
Alexander’s mother, Jerri Gray, was charged with unlawful neglect of a child for allowing him to become obese.
“There have been opportunities to get Alexander some treatment over the course of the last several months and unfortunately some of those things have not been taken advantage of,” Smith said.
But Gray, released from jail Monday on $50,000 bond, says she does not have enough money to get her son the treatment he needs.
If anything, isn’t this the exact opposite of neglect? Shouldn’t she be charged with overglect or something? I mean yeah, she didn’t get the kid treatment, but clearly she kept pumping him with something delicious so at least she cared on some level.
Maybe we can just feed her son’s fat to African children and solve two problems at once. People don’t think outside the box enough. Then again, sending this giant to Africa on an empty stomach might not be the best idea. He’d probably end up eating them all like they were chocolate Peeps and contacting some sort of superAIDS that, when mixed with a blood like Jello, becomes deadly and explosive. Anyway this is why I’m not allowed around fat people or Africans, I guess.
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Jun.23.2009 Quote of the Day
Wives always think their husbands are perverts for stuff like asking to do it in the butt or asking her to pee on him while he’s dressed like a schoolgirl. Okay, I guess the latter would be accurate. Here’s another case in which a woman may be accurate in calling her husband a pervert…filming a teenage girl with a hidden camera in a heat vent.
A 31-year-old Sheboygan man will spend no time in jail for using a webcam concealed in a heat vent to watch and make recordings as a teenage girl changed clothes, according to court records released today
Joseph J. Weisfeld, of 1615 Ashland Ave., reach (sp) a plea deal under which two felonies and three misdemeanors were dismissed in exchange for a no contest plea to a single misdemeanor count of invading privacy by use of a surveillance device. He was sentenced last week by Judge Timothy Van Akkeren to a year of probation and fined $504.
Weisfeld’s wife called police March 29 after the teenager, whom Weisfeld knows, discovered recordings of herself on Weisfeld’s computer, according to a criminal complaint. The wife greeted police by yelling, “You need to go arrest my husband. He’s a pervert.”
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