Apr.25.2008 The T-Rex is basically a large chicken

So if you’re a T-Rex I have bad news for you this morning: It turns out, you’re really just a large chicken.

Tyrannosaurus rex just got a firm grip on the animal kingdom’s family tree, right next to chickens and ostriches.

New analyses of soft tissue from a T.rex leg bone re-confirm that birds are dinosaurs’ closest living relatives.

“We determined that T. rex, in fact, grouped with birds — ostrich and chicken — better than any other organism that we studied,” said researcher John Asara of Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and Harvard Medical School. “We also show that it groups better with birds than [with] modern reptiles, such as alligators and green anole lizards.”

When reached for comment, Tyrone Rex said, “FUCK NAH YO.” All the dinosaurs I reach for comment tend to be ethnic.

I guess that while physiologically there are similarities (this may surprise you, but I’m not a scientist and am incapable of disproving these accusations), I’ve also never been terrified of a chicken eating me whole. Or tipping over an outhouse while I’m in it. Or was that a velociraptor. Or that spitting dinosaur. Man those things were pretty cool. I don’t even know if they really existed, but I remember when that one spat in Newman’s eye in Jurassic Park and I was like, “Wow. That is a dinosaur that you should respect.”

Anyway given these findings, T-Rexes sound delicious and I would like to eat one. Please serve one up to me stat, Kennedy Fried T-Rex.

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