May.28.2008 ZOMBIES HAVE RIGHTS TOO
Catholic people are pretty silly. But so are zombies. Finally, these two juggernauts can go head to head.
A procession of devils, ghosts and zombies through the historic Spanish city of Toledo has been branded blasphemous by the Catholic Church.
Actors from the Morboria theatre company performed a representation inspired by the medieval Dance of Death in Toledo’s streets on Saturday, provoking an angry reaction from the cathedral pulpit the following day.
“We ask forgiveness for those who yesterday insulted the body of Christ,” said Archbishop Antonio Canizares, quoted in newspaper El Pais.
A representative of Morboria said the actors had been well received by most passers by except for one small group who told them off and said they would pray for them.
I’ve long been an advocate of Zombie Americans (and ostensibly their spicy Spaniard brethren who probably are the same but enjoy their brains in polenta and salsa dancing). As such, I’m extremely disappointed in these discriminatory practices. I’m glad that the Catholic church chose to worship a Zombie because that really did a lot for Zombie rights. But Jesus is like so last millennium. Let’s look for something new and exciting. Like a Zombie Obama or something. We can call him Zombama.
Yeah I’m a little tired. TIRED OF ZOMBIE DISCRIMINATION. Also…physically tired.
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
May.14.2008 The Pope wants to fuck ET
The Catholic church is known for all kinds of crazy things. Well, even ideas that aren’t that crazy, I’m going to present as such. For example: The Vatican says there might be aliens.
Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican’s chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday.
The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, was quoted as saying the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.
“How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?” Funes said. “Just as we consider earthly creatures as ‘a brother,’ and ’sister,’ why should we not talk about an ‘extraterrestrial brother’? It would still be part of creation.”
In the interview by the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, Funes said that such a notion “doesn’t contradict our faith” because aliens would still be God’s creatures. Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like “putting limits” on God’s creative freedom, he said.
I guess it makes sense. This would open up many creative possibilities for the Catholic church. They have a relatively weak presence in certain less-civilized regions so, finally, a priest could fuck an ET and pretend it’s an Ethiopian boy. Everyone wins!
Xenu will not be pleased by the Catholics honing in on his turf. Would you cross a super badass extraterrestrial dictator who banished people to Earth? I sure wouldn’t. He’d probably hold his ray gun to your head and demand all kinds of favors. Earthly and galactic delights (i.e. space sodomy)? Now there’s a religious figure I can get behind.
Apr.17.2008 Pope says child-diddling not the best idea
The Pope is doing his big US tour this week, hitting up DC right now and NYC tomorrow through Sunday. So he’s commenting on all the hot button issues, like how kids’ hot buttons were manipulated.
Pope Benedict on Wednesday acknowledged the Church had handled the pedophile priests scandal “very badly” and told U.S. bishops to bind up wounds and seek reconciliation with those who were “so seriously wronged.”
For the second consecutive day, the pope said the scandal had caused “deep shame” and enormous pain as the result of priests betraying their vocation by sexually abusing minors with such “gravely immoral behavior.”
But he said the problem ran deeper, saying children should be “spared the degrading manifestations and the crude manipulation of sexuality so prevalent” in society today.
The title of the article is: Pope acknowledges sex abuse scandal “badly handled”. I like to pretend to be dyslexic, then outraged, so I read it as “Pope acknowledges bad abuse scandal “sexily handled”. Then I was like, “ARGH THAT POPE IS SO BRAZEN! HOW DARE HE!” Needless to say, I threw my Pope bobblehead down in disgust. And it bounced up and its mouth hit my groin. Give it a rest, Catholic church! My crotch is a no-fly zone for you!
But yeah, it’s pretty great how he blames society for some of the “degradations” of kids today. Yeah, it’s totally the fault of Myspace and camera phones and not because Father Flannagan played Bobbing for Communion Wafers. Never has the blood of Christ tasted quite as bleachy!
Apr.10.2008 The April 10 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with a bizarre tandem
–Why are Tyson Beckford and Jeremy Piven trolling for poon together? And why does Beckford have a red goatee? [Don Chavez]
–Mr. Belding is out and and about cavorting like a younger man. [NextRound]
–Catholics are not pleased with an ad by DC’s Metro transportation system with a Pope bobblehead. His head only bobbles near young men, I’ll have you know. [Mac G's World]
–The Colorado Rockies treat a Red Sox fan just like he should be treated (w/ video). [Busted Coverage]
–There are large breasted Italian girls in Texas. Who knew? [Hottest Girls of Myspace]
