Oct.16.2008 The 11 dumbest things cartoons have taught us
Psychologists say that children can be deeply affected by some of the media they take in growing up. So these staples of cartoons that we all watched probably weren’t the best things for us to learn.
Swimming in a pool of gold coins
Sure, Scrooge McDuck always seemed to be having a ball when he’d dive into his money pit and splash around. He’d even take coins into his mouth and spit them back up. Take a look:
You know what’d happen if you dove headfirst into a pile of gold coins? It wouldn’t be a dip in glorious excess, no sir. You’d probably be paralyzed at best. Or dead at worst. No wonder the AIG braintrust ran the company so poorly…that’s probably what the executives did on all of their corporate retreats, leaving bits of brain matter leaking from their heads like a half-finished bowl of Jello.
Abandoning your children
Look at that photo of Dora the Explorer above…you know what you see up there other than Dora? A ball, a drum, a baseball bat, even a freaking monkey. You know what you don’t see? PARENTAL SUPERVISION. And this is what happens:
As much as I’d like to believe that I could just leave my kids behind and let them figure life out on their own, they’d probably end up in much more of a Lord of the Flies situation than they would a Dora the Explorer or Rugrats one. In no situation is it okay for anyone to go, “Welp my little ethnic child, here’s a singing map and a bag full of crap…go explore!” How the fuck do they even know that she’ll eat? All I’m saying is that, if I had any say, I’d probably be feasting on some monkey brains within 10 minutes of being in the jungle.
Eating pizza with random crap on it would be delicious
The Ninja Turtles would always be eating pizza, which is bad enough for you healthwise. But then they’d throw stuff like peanut butter, taco meat, butter, baby seal, I dunno….human brains maybe…on there. You know what’s good on pizza? Like maybe 10 things on Earth. Pizza places aren’t terrified of change or something, there’s just stuff that goes well on pizza and stuff that doesn’t. Unfortunately, your car keys weren’t meant to go with sauce and mozzarella, Ninja Turtles. And yes, I’m looking at you McDonald’s pizza.
The borderline junkie mentality to pizza wasn’t the best thing either. Even in the cartoon that bit them in the ass, like when Shredder made a pizza place to capture them in the clip above. Is it any wonder 90% of Ninja Turtles fans grew up to be heroin addicts according to a study I just fabricated 4 minutes ago?
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