Jan.06.2009 Woman crushes watermelon with boobs
Women are good for lots of things (put change in your lady friend’s vagina…bam! No jingling pockets!) but who knew that smashing fruit like a busty Gallagher fell under that umbrella?
Boobs, what can’t you do? Well, other than provide women with the ability to drive well or not buy shoes every week or make equal salary. But other than those, the possibilities are endless.
For the record, it’s probably a bit unfair to subject your wife to something like this since she doesn’t have boobs the size and volume of a cheap bowling bowl like the woman in the video, but still. The only way to achieve the unthinkable is by pushing yourself. Also it’d be pretty awesome to have your wife’s boobs be able to turn all your trash into compact cubes like Wall-E.
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Jan.05.2009 Fergie looks good in a bikini
From the beaches of Miami…
Fergie gets a lot of shit on many of the other celebrity sites, but I think she’s perfectly awesome. She has big boobs and a vagina that functions (perhaps too well since she peed on herself a while back) and I think that buys you a certain cache to do whatever the fuck and still be perceived as relatively cool. Seriously, I think if Hitler were a smoking hot chick with a big rack, we’d probably all be goose stepping our way around town yucking it up about how Jews are inferior in every way. Or we’d be exterminated. Either way, with Chick Hitler’s killer rack, we could all be content.
Jan.05.2009 Breast implant sales dip due to the economy
This is literally the worst news to come out of the recession yet, and I’m including the fictional story I crafted about a father of a family of seven blowing his boss in order to not get fired (it was a feel good story): Breast implants are falling due to overall brokeness.
The bigger-boob business has gone bust.
With the stock market in a tailspin and home values dropping, demand for breast implants is sagging too, city docs say.
“The number of the bigger surgeries has gone down for sure,” said Dr. David Shafer, a Manhattan plastic surgeon. Breast enlargement surgery can cost anywhere from $4,000 to more than $10,000.
“People are definitely thinking twice right now,” said Dr. Sydney Coleman, another Manhattan surgeon. He said his colleagues in the lucrative field are starting to feel the pinch. “They’re complaining about it,” he said, “and they don’t usually complain.”
“If the procedure is purely esthetic, it’s definitely down,” said Dr. Sydney Coleman, whose Manhattan practice does both esthetic and reconstructive surgery.
This is so depressing. You never really understand the problems with the economy until it really hits home and this is one of those situations. Every time I see a flat chested woman, I’ll shed a single tear like a Native American seeing trash on the ground. Or I’ll just iron my clothes on the front of her body. Either way, I think she and I will both learn a little lesson about the economy and how to correct God’s errors.
In related news, I’m taking up a collection to fund women’s breast implants. It will be appropriated to those in need primarily through me shoving dollar bills into the underwear of women dancing on stages, but it’s really going to make a difference. Also, it’ll probably already go to women who have implants because they’re just better than those without. Maybe it’ll encourage the flat chested girls to work a little harder. So everybody wins.
[source...More Lohan in a bikini here]
Dec.19.2008 Lindsay Lohan is learning how to not show her boobs
From outside some club in LA…
There was once a time when Lindsay Lohan would run free in her see-through tops, boobs bouncing in the wind without a care in the world. But now, it seems as though in some sort of evolutionary change, she’s learning. Adapting. Changing so that we lose the one thing remotely of interest about her.
Yes, she has her hair flowing over her chest in all of the photos I’ve seen taken from last night. It appears though her solution to the paparazzi always photographing her in see-through shirts is not to do something crazy like, say, wear a bra or, I dunno, not wear a shirt that will be see-through when a camera flashes. But rather, her solution is to pull her hair over her breasts like she just emerged from the Blue Lagoon or as though she were a mermaid. We’re one week away from her just strapping clams over her nipples while she befriends a jive talking lobster.
Dec.19.2008 The December 19 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with broken bodies
This is sledding gone HORRIBLY wrong
girls
-I wrote another article for DoubleViking…The 5 hottest celebs who would make perfect elves (i.e. hot short bitches)
-Former Playmate uses her breasts for insider trading
-A gallery of sorority girls in Santa hats
-Festive drunk girls in little or no clothing
-This girl holding her boobs is reason to celebrate Dead Beat Dad month
-What an appropriate t-shirt (boobs)
-Kate Winslet got kind of randomly hot
-Hot Brazilian girls fight in bikinis and thongs (video)
-Soccer players have unfairly hot girlfriends
-I <3 University of Texas coeds
interestingfunny
-The most magnificent mugshots of all time (pics)
-Where to take your lady for New Years if you want her to hate you less
-The top 10 sports moments of 2008
-Barack Obama looked like a pimp in college (pics)
-This is a genuine church sign, not one of those fake generated ones (funny pic)
-The beatbox chef (video)
-Why are men on ESPN rating who’s the hottest QB in the NFL?
-What Would Bacon Do? (awesome awesome pic)
-Funny wrapping paper women would never buy (pics)
-The 15 greatest Flight of the Conchords songs ever (MUST WATCH IF YOU WANT TO KEEP READING THIS SITE)
-Al Bundy teaches important lessons about Christmas (video)
Dec.17.2008 Kim Kardashian delivers with bikini time
From a hotel in Miami…
For all that I’ve trashed Audrina Patridge and Leelee Sobieski over the past week for not showing any skin in a completely dull winter season, it’s only fair that I go out of my way to applaud Kim Kardashian for finding her way into a bikini when no one else is brave enough to. Rain, sleet, or snow, Kim Kardashian will find a way to wedge her big fat ass into something slinky so that people will take pictures of her. I’ve said some less-than-nice things about her before, including saying that having sex with her would be like fucking a couch, but occasionally you need to salute people in spite of the fact that you could do a suitable yodel into their vagina or if you could fill it up with water and have birds land in it and splash around. Doesn’t make her a bad person. It just means that a child will escape her loins like it was on a slip and slide.
But yeah, thanks Kim. You know what’s most important and I thank you for that.
Dec.16.2008 The December 16 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with cars smashing
This is what a head on collision looks like from the inside
funny/interesting
-The worst standup comedian ever (video)
-Dogs look suicidal when forced into stupid pet Christmas attire
-Are you concerned about your small scrotum?
-Pictures of guys caught staring at hot chicks
-Halfnaked chick in a horror movie poster makes it kind of confusing
-16 gangsta car poses that never should have been taken (seriously hilarious pics)
-80’s dating tips for women (funny video)
-4 girls fight in a classroom (video)
-Mike Epps is the Ghetto Gynecologist (funny video)
-Classic album covers redone in Legos (pics)
-Chick dresses her right breast up as Rudolph for the holiday party (sexyfunny)
-Check out all 10 episodes of Rob Corddry’s Web series Children’s Hospital (funny video)
-The tramp stamp hall of fame (funny pics)
-You can now get a Burger King cologne? Really?
girls
-Hilary Duff is hot and boobfilled in the new Maxim
-Epic ass on the girl in this pic
-Anne Hathaway is feeding America
-The Brazilian Feres twins are back and slutting it up in bikinis
-What’s wrong with this picture (chicks in thongs)
-Amanda Bynes finally shows off her body a little bit
-A gallery tribute to ridiculously flexible girls
-My God does Denise Milani have awesome boobs
