Aug.08.2008 The August 8 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with pole skills
Here’s how NOT to catch a long football pass.
-Some Olympians look sort of like retards…
-…while other female Olympians just look terrifying
-Calvin has replaced Hobbes with Steve Jobs
-“Angelina Jolie Naked Video” is less appealing than previously thought
LINK OF THE DAY: Faceplant Friday (w/ video)
-Man has sex with steel bench, almost loses penis
-Miss Universe 2008 Dayana Mendoza is rather attractive
-Everyone hates Wisconsin
-MLB pitchers play awesome pranks
-How to use your brain to get laid
-Babies love strippers
-Audrina Patridge has more side boob than is legally allowed
-12 ways to become an utter failure at work
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
Jul.29.2008 “Puppy kills infant”: Cutest murder headline possible?
It’s very rare that murder can be so adorable but when you have a 2-month old puppy taking out a 2-month old infant, it’s just about as cute as it could possibly be. I guess unless you’re the parents…but what are the odds they’re reading?
“There can be only one, human.”
For now— police believe a black labrador puppy attacked and killed the baby.
The boy died inside the home at 101st and Evanston late this morning. Police say the infant was left unattended in a swing with two dogs in the room, the lab puppy and a pug. The black lab has been euthanized.
EMSA says any dog can turn dangerous.
“Even a very familiar family dog can turn on you, puppies specifically, they’re unpredictable, they’re young, they got a lot of hormones going on, you’ve never know what they’re gonna do,” says Chris Stevens of EMSA.
In fact, nearly all the dog bites EMSA has treated in the last three months have involved dogs the children have known.
“Never let an animal sleep in the same room as your child, have your pets spade or neutered, it does relieve a lot of the aggression.”
That’s some top-notch writing. Indeed, having your puppy turned into a playing card’s suit will help keep it under control. Also, having it “spayed” may help. Both are important really. It’s always nice when a writer writes his or her articles by sounding simple words out and then using the incorrect homophone. It’s a staple of journalism.
That seems kind of unfair to the black lab puppy though that it was euthanized. Not only did it not know any better and not only is it not the puppy’s fault that the baby’s parents are idiots, but fuck that the puppy WON. Sometimes an unstoppable force meets an immovable object and clearly that’s the case when you put a baby and a puppy in the room. Plus, who’s to say the pug didn’t set the black lab up? He didn’t even get a fair trial! The justice system just doesn’t work. More like All Dogs Go to Death Row. No justice, no peace!
Jul.10.2008 Jessica Alba’s got milk
The best part of pregnancy is losing 10 pounds of life-sucking force and retaining the ample breastedness responsible for feeding it, right Jessica Alba? Oh, but there was never a time where you didn’t feel sexy, eh?
“I never felt less sexy,” Jessica Alba says of her own pregnancy. “I mean, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world … but I wanted to get rid of all the weight.”
The actress, who gave birth to her daughter, Honor Marie, last month, opened up about motherhood – and her recent wedding to Cash Warren – in the August U.K. edition of Cosmopolitan magazine.
“I never thought I’d find a man before 30, let alone marry him and have his baby,” she told the magazine. “I always used to meet the wrong guys – the ones who wanted to hang out for a week and see how far they could get. If you didn’t have sex in the first few days, you were either frigid or a lesbian. So I held out – and, boy, am I glad I did!”
I tend not to find mack trucks with a human being incubating inside of them sexy, but who am I to judge? Also, I’m not really sure how she held out…she got knocked up out of wedlock, then broke up with the dude, then got engaged to him. That’s holding out like going on a diet that consists entirely of cake, only, after the cake cums inside of you because you don’t believe in fancy science like “pulling out”., you somehow it to make an honest woman out of you. Man, I’m good at analogies.
I think it’s great that her boobs remained but her face is still kinda chubby. She reminds me of a Myspace girl without the lens tilted and the Photoshop filters on. Work on that, Chubbsy.
Jul.03.2008 Launching a baby across the room seems like a good idea
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not much of a fan of having babies at this point in my life, but something about launching a newborn by jumping on a pillow seems like a BAAAAAAD idea.
A Georgia teen is facing child cruelty charges after an online video showed a young man launching a baby several feet across a room using an inflatable pillow.
The video posted on YouTube shows the boy putting a baby on one side of a large yellow pillow and then jumping on the pillow, sending the child flying several feet across the floor, where the baby lands and cries.
“He really had no explanation — just thought it would be funny to put it on YouTube,” Col. Duane Sepp of the Lee County Sheriff’s Office told FOX News. “It’s all about, I guess, that five seconds of glory or whatever, and it’s terrible it has to happen at the cost of an 8-month-old child.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of abortions…first trimester, second, sixth, really any. But this just seems like a classless way to go about it. Killing babies isn’t supposed to be FUN. It’s supposed to be businesslike. Kids these days. No respect for nothin’.
Jul.02.2008 Ashlee simpson pregnant, large-breasted, kind of retarded looking
From..I dunno, a farm let’s say.
I have many problems with this image. For one, pregnant nipples: I don’t know whether to suckle them for eroticism or hunger. Two, what is that shit on her head? It’s like a rope or some sort of Native American princess crown. And three, she’s huge. Isn’t she like…a month pregnant? She’s built like a hippopotamus who is not only hungry, but also hungry. Ugh. Babies. Stop ravishing the youth of my starlets. YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM SCARLETT JOHANSSON . SO HELP ME. SHE’S NOT BUILT TO BOUNCE BACK FROM SUCH THINGS.
[More images at Egotastic]
Jun.16.2008 Finally, a sex shop that fits my children’s needs
Whenever I go into a sex shop, I can’t help but think, “Gosh, I wish my kids were here.” Well, I’m in luck.
In the p.c. enclave of hipster Brooklyn, N.Y., residents are hardly batting an eye over the opening of a new kind of sex shop.
The high-design Babeland shop, which sells itself as being “kid-friendly,” doesn’t exactly scream sex though.
Unlike the older sex shops, which are dark and dingy, the Babeland store has upbeat music, well-dressed saleswomen and infant changing tables — marketing itself as a fun place for couples to shop. It’s part of a growing trend that has been spreading from Louisville to Los Angeles in an attempt to take the sleaze out of this part of the sex industry.
“If you walk into a mainstream sex store, you’ll probably be greeted with explicit imagery and a sort of artificial sexuality, like a woman with blonde hair with her head thrown back, something that’s meant to titillate in the moment,” said Babelands’s owner Claire Cavanah.
Cavanah and staff aim to make women feel empowered, not embarrassed, they say. A sign in the front of the store implores customers to “relax, take a look around, and enjoy,” and the employees “try to have a sense of humor and be intelligent and warm,” said Cavanah.
“Here we’re really trying to sort of greet everyone where they are sexually.” This means everything from a “Sexy Moms Series” for mothers looking to spice up their sex lives to plenty of products for those looking to experience some bonding — or bondage.
Hopefully there’s some way to incorporate the parent/child bonding in the sex shop as well. Kids are being total fucking whores younger and younger these days. My First Autoerotic Asphyxiation comes to mind. I had to use a jump rope, a basketball hoop, and a sense of public degradation for mine. So, needless to say, I think improvements can be made.
Plus, babies dressed in silly costumes are SO adorable! Now imagine one with a gimp mask and a baby-proportioned big black strap-on! Soooooo se…cute. Cute.
May.15.2008 9 year-old girl has her twin in her stomach
Twins are kind of creepy in general. It’d bother me to have a carbon copy of myself out there in the world, probably because it would create like a black hole of awesome that would deprive part of the world of any additional awesomeness lest the world collapse on itself. Where was I? Oh yeah, some little girl had her undeveloped twin in her stomach.
A 9-year-old girl who went to hospital in central Greece suffering from stomach pains was found to be carrying her embryonic twin, doctors said Thursday.
Doctors at Larissa General Hospital examined the girl and surgically removed a growth they later discovered was an embryo more than two inches long.
“They could see on the right side that her belly was swollen, but they couldn’t suspect that this tumor would hide an embryo,” hospital director Iakovos Brouskelis said.
Andreas Markou, head of the hospital’s pediatric department, said the embryo was a formed fetus with a head, hair and eyes, but no brain or umbilical cord.
I kind of always assumed every twin secretly wants to kill their counterpart and go “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE” so I’m not really surprised by this. I assume the surviving twin would become some sort of Highlander, all-powerful and potentially immortal.
Whatever though this isn’t really news. Not only because this happens in one out of every 500k live births, but also because like, who hasn’t had an undeveloped fetus in their stomach? I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t eat an aborted fetus a day. Probably much less unstoppable, I’d presume.
