The hottest orgy ravaged by ninjas

–So how many homeless dudes exactly have had their lives ruined by ninjas? [NextRound]

–You know what’s important? The world record for ironing underwater which, coincidentally, was just broken. [On205th]

–Do you like big lips and breasts and ass that have been plugged by a big black NBA star? Well then have I got the girl for you. [Hottest Girls of Myspace]

–Another fine rundown of the uproarious April Fools “pranks” across the blogosphere. [Mac Gs World]

–If you had to pick the seven most attractive female celebs, your list may look something like this. Or not, whatever. [Cuzoogle]

I’ve spent all day bashing various April Fools “pranks” that no doubt had you in stitches. And by stitches, I mean “Vomiting your lunch onto your desk at how awful they are.” But rather than attempt to entertain you with my generous comedic talents, here’s a funny comic from Explosm.net.

I wish April Fools Day had cervical cancer. These opening snippets are getting less punchy. Anyway I’m monitoring for shitty April Fools jokes because I’m your comedy hero.

A look at any of YouTube’s featured videos linked on the home page today gets you this gem. Surprise, it’s not the video you wanted to see, but rather you’ve been RICK ROLLED. By which I mean subjected to the Rick Astley “Never Gonna Give You Up” video.

Note: Astute observer and man-about-town Mike sent me this tip and said to look at featured videos. I then went through the video tab on the top of the page. This meant that I sat through the ATROCIOUS “Awful and Awesome” video below not once, but TWICE, waiting for the “Rick Roll”. And it never happened. So I had to watch that dumb foreign C ramble about words for 4 minutes. Ugh. Perhaps it is I who is the greatest fool of all.

I am a humor blog, in name at least, and am continuing to voice my disgust for all the shitty April Fools jokes going on today.

From TechCrunch:

My own personal brand has risen over the years as well to the point where I believe I can say without hubris that I am a very important person. Forbes recently named me No. 2 on their list of web celebrities, for example, and Business Week says I’m one of the 25 most influential people on the web. I’ve also appeared in numerous JibJab videos. More details, if you care to read them, are on our about page. My agent has told me numerous times that I need to be more careful with how I leverage my personal brand, and to be aware of others who are using/abusing it for commercial reasons.

So we’ve been increasingly concerned about developments at Facebook over the last few months that allow advertisers to post ads using my picture and name to endorse their products without my explicit permission. I’ve received literally dozens of emails from readers asking me if I’m associated with Blockbuster’s Movie Clique application, or the new Jackass movie (no to both).

These ads appear in both the sidebar and in my friends’ news feeds.

You see, because Facebook does this to everyone! Hahaha! Oh man! Uproarious! That’s like the funniest thing I’ve seen all day! Other than that guy with pancreatic cancer. Oh wait, that wasn’t funny at all.

Exactly.

I’m technically a humor blog, though I could see how one might get that confused since many things I write aren’t “funny”, but today I’m putting on my Combudsman (comedy ombudsman!) hat and critiquing the awful April Fools Day shit I see today.

From The Consumerist:

Dear Reader,

Hi! I’m Chad Steelgate from Haberdasher Communications and I’m really excited to announce that our team has purchased The Consumerist from Gawker Media Network. You may notice a few changes around here, just some minor tweaks I assure you, but for the most part, it’s the same blog you know and love. For starters, one small alteration, the blog will now be called The Conglomerist.

Sincerely,

Chad Steelgate

HO HO! See it’s funny because their blog defends consumers! And they got bought out by a heartless corporation! HA HA. HA HA. Oh man, what a rib tickler. What next? Posting items that aren’t on sale! OUCH, my sides. They are a-split!