Aug.14.2008 Anna Faris is on the cover of Playboy for not being naked

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One may think that, based upon the number of vitriolic posts about Playboy today that Hugh Hefner peed in my cereal or something, but they just suck today. Exhibit A: Anna Faris is on the cover of the new issue, but not naked. At all.

While Faris doesn’t appear nude in Playboy, she actually told me recently she was definitely tempted to strip down for the mag.

“I felt really sexy,” she told me of the shoot. “I found myself totally getting into it. I was like, ‘Let’s just take it all off.’ ” (Her publicist convinced her otherwise.)

No surprise, but Faris wears body-bearing barely there outfits for most of the flick.

“I was working out hard,” Faris said about getting in shape for the flick. “My boyfriend was like, ‘Baby, you got to eat. You’re losing your butt.’ ”

The House Bunny is the first full-length feature allowed to shoot at Hugh Hefner’s legendary Playboy Mansion. “It was my first time there,” Faris said. “It was surreal. There were randomly placed jars of baby oil but no babies that I knew of…It was great: peacocks, monkeys, hot girls and old men in pajamas! It was awesome.”

That’s all well and good that she felt sexy and ready to go but what the fuck Playboy, let’s get your act together. Having an attractive chick on the cover and not having her nude (which, if you’ll recall, got Playboy sued before) is just false advertising. It’s like if I buy a car magazine and find out that the sexy convertible on the front isn’t really a convertible, but two midgets with a body kit on top of their heads. It’s like, yeah I guess this is still cool, but not exactly what I was expecting when I judged your book by its cover.

Anna Faris is cute and funny though, which confuses my penis. I hear if you laugh while ejaculating, your brain flies out of your ear. Or an angel gets its wings. One of the two.