May.14.2008 The Pope wants to fuck ET
The Catholic church is known for all kinds of crazy things. Well, even ideas that aren’t that crazy, I’m going to present as such. For example: The Vatican says there might be aliens.
Believing that the universe may contain alien life does not contradict a faith in God, the Vatican’s chief astronomer said in an interview published Tuesday.
The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, was quoted as saying the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.
“How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?” Funes said. “Just as we consider earthly creatures as ‘a brother,’ and ’sister,’ why should we not talk about an ‘extraterrestrial brother’? It would still be part of creation.”
In the interview by the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, Funes said that such a notion “doesn’t contradict our faith” because aliens would still be God’s creatures. Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like “putting limits” on God’s creative freedom, he said.
I guess it makes sense. This would open up many creative possibilities for the Catholic church. They have a relatively weak presence in certain less-civilized regions so, finally, a priest could fuck an ET and pretend it’s an Ethiopian boy. Everyone wins!
Xenu will not be pleased by the Catholics honing in on his turf. Would you cross a super badass extraterrestrial dictator who banished people to Earth? I sure wouldn’t. He’d probably hold his ray gun to your head and demand all kinds of favors. Earthly and galactic delights (i.e. space sodomy)? Now there’s a religious figure I can get behind.
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Apr.22.2008 That smart cripple says aliens may or may not exist
Stephen Hawking is saying things that are kind of interesting but ultimately vague and worthless. This time, it’s about aliens.
One option is that there likely isn’t life elsewhere. Or maybe there is intelligent life elsewhere, but when it gets smart enough to send signals into space, it also is smart enough to make destructive nuclear weapons.
Hawking said he prefers the third option:
“Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare,” he then quickly added: “Some would say it has yet to occur on earth.”
So should you worry about aliens? Alien abduction claims come from “weirdos” and are unlikely.
However, because alien life might not have DNA like us, Hawking warned: “Watch out if you would meet an alien. You could be infected with a disease with which you have no resistance.”
The 66-year-old British cosmologist, who suffers from ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease, and must speak through a mechanical device, believes “if the human race is to continue for another million years, we will have to boldly go where no one has gone before.”
So apparently just going, “Hey, stuff may or may not be out there, perhaps” is enough to make news these days. Or do I have to be a funny looking guy in a wheelchair who talks like a See ‘N’ Say kids toy to get that kind of credibility? Plus he’s a cosmologist, what does that have to do with aliens? Yeah, it’s great that he does a wonderful job putting make-up on people and selecting the right shades, but come on, this guy shouldn’t be telling me about the universe.
I will, however, absolutely listen to Wheels from the Burger King Kids Club about scientific matters. He just looks like he knows.
